Aibu to wonder if everybody life is like this?

[Laraaussie]

So today I got up at 6am, coffee, breakfast, then rushed around getting ready sorting kids eldest just sits around and does nothing unless told, no common sense, youngest 4yo spends all morning moaning and having tantrums because he can't get his socks on.

Left house, dropped dc at childcare, struggled through bad traffic to get to work. Left work, got stuck in unexpectedly bad traffic, was going to be late to collect dc so had to ring my mother who thankfully was able to collect them but I was super stressed.

Got home, youngest heads straight to the toilet for his usual after school poo, calls me to wipe his bottom. I then leave him to wash his hands while I have a tidy up, can hear water, he's left the tap running with the plug in and had flooded the bathroom, water pissing through the ceiling so I'm trying to dry it all up with towels while youngest is crying because he's flooded the bathroom

I nag eldest to pick up after himself as he leaves a trail of mess in his path.

I cook dinner, then go out to swimming lessons, more traffic, no parking spaces at busy leisure centre despite leaving in plenty of time we only make it in in the nick of time. After swimming queue for showers, people pushing in gives me the rage.

Head to shops for milk/bread top up, forget the bread.

Home, eat the dinner I've cooked, dh home by then, by the time we've cleared up, got kids to bed, sorted bags/uniforms for tomorrow, stuck a washing load on, we've just sat down.

I'm knackered and tomorrow I do it all again.

School meals aren't free here in NI But DH makes all the sandwiches for packed lunches on a Sunday night. He also buys bananas, fruit etc for lunches on a Sunday if he sees we're low. He's taken on responsibility for this aspect and it helps.

After school clubs that are held in the school are a godsend. Our school does tennis and dance, for example. So the DC choose one club they'd like to do and simply stay on for an extra hour after school. Try and prioritise these activities if the school offers them.

School also does music lessons (stringed instruments) during school hours, but now DC1 also has orchestra one evening a week. Some parents choose not to send their kids to orchestra, but I think if they're learning an instrument it would be silly not to take the opportunity. It's made easier by sharing the lifts with another mum, so I only have to take DC every fortnight.

They also have piano and swimming on Saturday mornings. DH often does this but only because I'm working.

They can't (and I can't) do everything however. Something has to give. DC1 loves horseriding and went for a while but we had to give it up because the riding school was too far away and we couldn't fit it in. For a time my mum took DC1 but not she takes DC2 to gymnastics instead - mum does after school childcare once a week.

Yep. My days are not like that anymore now that my kids are 11 and up, but I remember that feeling well. Hang in there, it gets easier as they get older.

I did the same but emigrated to Oz@madcatladyforever ..life in UK too busy/stressful on the hamster wheel of daily grind..not enough down time,not able to enjoy quality time withDC or have much spare cash to make it even feel worthwhile..You can change it if you're motivated to actually want a different way of living

Appreciate the good things and cut out the crap you dont need to do

Great post op as it’s very relatable. I adore my dcs and in general I am very much a kid person so enjoy playgrounds, crazy conversations etc! But let’s be honest it can just be sooooo mundane...
We had kids relatively young although I didn’t really think so at the time. At 35 I have three dcs and two of them are in school. Most of my friends are still very much in that traveling , living the young life almost the same as when we were in university. I don’t resent them and am v, v happy with my lot but I was looking through an Instagram of a couple we know; backpacking everywhere, jumping out of planes , on trains around India etc (we did travel before kids but for months rather than years, we don’t have the flashy Instagram snaps though to prove it!) and I felt a bit flat like that we are just getting through each day. Me and my dh are still very much in love but it’s not the same as that carefree, entirely focused on each other type. It’s hard when we are sleep deprived as our youngest still wakes frequently. I can always tell when a couple have kids or not by the way they speak to each other. It’s just way more practical now iykwim..
I always get asked about my weekend plans from my friends who don’t have kids and although it’s not awful or anything and we still swap over to do exercise etc it’s.just.not.the.fucking. same really is it!
I know people might say here that it can be mundane and not everyone who hasn’t kids are traveling the world etc etc but within my friendship circles there is a lot of really interesting jobs and hobbies and hard to come back with a “I’ll be sorting the lost sock pile and hopefully will get more than four hours sleep in a row”
Anyway I’m waffling as in fairness I’m a bit off socially now
Thing is I used to try and keep up with my friends and keep things as they were so exercising the same level as pre-kids, trying to get out as before and trying to keep up.
Then one day I had a moment where I looked in the mirror at a friend’s birthday and although I was the same age as everyone there I had three dcs under 6 and I looked literally exhausted and felt it . Everyone else had a vibrancy that I just didn’t have. I tried faking it but then getting a full night sleep after until 12am really is the difference... It’s this stage of life and sometimes we have to embrace the mundane and most of all prioritize rest and sleep. I think there is a bit of a conspiracy of silence around how exhausting it all is (definitely my experience in RL) and my friends who now are thinking of having kids don’t want to know which is fair enough but it is the reality.
So embrace that cup of tea on the couch, embrace simplicity!

Yes it’s exhausting. I stopped the swimming lessons (and did intensive courses in holidays and some private one-ones) They are both strong swimmers now.

I do think part time is the worst of both worlds. Husbands (mine anyway) who work long hours, see that you’re at home more and leave everything to you.

What’s with the childless people popping on and saying ‘no my life is nothing like that’. Like we can’t remember what it was like pre-children? Yes it was a breeze. Thank you. This is a parenting website....

In my experience it’s been the total opposite, no one I knows says anything remotely negative about but acing dcs. It’s all “ awesome “, “ best experience ever “. In fact i was at at wedding at the weekend and went on the same way cause it feels completely off to say anything remotely negative.
Also people who are pregnant for the first time do not want to know. Like no you can’t control sleep or actually a lot of things. I refused to listen to anything remotely negative when pregnant and if I heard anything I would most certainly not have the same problems 😂

Yep! Normal day, and I used to do this with other people's children (childminding for 10 years). A good idea is to NEVER allow a plug in the
sink.
It does get better, but then you become a taxi service for kids clubs.
At least they can then make their own breakfast!

Yup .. this is my life too. It's exhausting!

Yep. That's my life too.

I think it’s good to share how hard and exhausting it is. I get annoyed when people (women) pretend it’s easy, on another thread someone was like ‘yeah I work full time, have three kids and run a brownie troop, no big deal’. Maybe not for you but I would find that exhausting and have no time for myself or for exercise etc.

I think we do each other a disservice by brushing it all under the carpet. But also agree than we need to get men to step up more and that’s a while other complicated issue.

My friends and I are all living this life to one extent or another. I've heard some good ideas here to simplify things and I'm going to give them a go. It's totally relatable though. Some weeks I sing through it feeling like Mary Poppins and other weeks (PMT) I feel like I'm going to collapse. I make myself feel better by ignoring the housework when I need to and reminding myself that this too shall pass.

The main thing that helped me is that I went part time but I know not everyone can do that and we did have to cut our cloth accordingly. He does some extra work to make up some money. Also we have some chores that are for dh and some for me so he does lunches, clothes washing and dishwasher.

I and 2 other female colleagues regularly have a natter about how tricky it is. Because we all understand the pressure each of us are under for our jobs, we commiserate when the stress from work is exasperated by stress at home.

A 4th woman, our direct manager, isn't so sympathetic. It wasn't until we discovered that she has a FT nanny at home for her 6 and 9 year olds that we understood. The nanny does all washing, cleaning and cooking. She does activities with the DC and looks after them when they're ill.

Therefore, she can't understand why we're stressed out at trying to juggle all those tasks, plus asking to work from home if ever a DC is ill. She just thinks we ought to buy in more help....

Sounda like my day except I refuse to do mid week evening activities. No fucking way

Yse I remember this except the school collection - we paid someone to do that bit - worth every penny and we shared everything 50/50 as both worked full time which helps too - a non sexist man at home in the evenings doing as much as you do

I agree if you work full time then you have the argument for everything 50:50 and you can also justify throwing money at childcare/nanny etc.

I found even with full time though I got home at 7.30pm (as kids were being put to be by childminder). Husband would get home at 9.30. So I’d end up cooking and tidying as he simply wasn’t there. It becomes a battle of whose job is more important.

My day sounds like this altho I'm a SAHM. My eldest - 10 - does literally NOTHING unless asked. No common sense despite being actually quite clever. He shares a room with his 5yr old brother and today; while doing housework, I found a poo on the floor in their room to which neither will own up to 🤔🙄
I'm currently on the mend from a VERY bad case of mastitis from feeding 7 month old and am dead on my feet today!
Currently sat at the kitchen table thinking "why have I created these little monsters?!" while I pick up baby's dummy for the millionth time, after feeding him his dinner while he screamed for more between each mouthful. Also fed the other 2 and rushed eldest out the door for Cubs because he eats SO. BLOODY. SLOWLY. !!!

I feel you mumma.

Round of applause for all the parents doing it #deadontheirfeet

Haha! Great thread! You are describing my day! Could you add in totally drenched in a torential downpour, the dog weed on the carpet and the kids went beserk when I accidentally bought the wrong cheese and refused to eat it!

Reading more replies. What a thoughtful and nice thread. Full of good advice. Love Mumsnet for this.

Yes op that is my life!!

That's my life too. Most stuff is down to me as DH has a disability, and we have two children, 5 and 2. I try to embrace the chaos and just accept things as they are but I'm getting close to burnout from the sheer emotional and physical energy it all takes up. I never have any fun anymore.

Sounds just like my life! This might help: can you program the washer to come during the afternoon so washing can be sorted while dinner is cooking?

@Loki1983- whilst I don't have a programmable washing machine your post has made me think that some stuff can be done in the mornings in readiness for later. Getting up half an hour earlier might be a massive pita when I'm not brilliant at getting myself to bed on time anyway, but maybe if I'm stricter with myself this would be achievable. Thanks :)

I only have one child and when she was younger that was hard enough - working full time and looking after the house and cooking, helping with homework. Weekends full of shopping and cleaning. I normally (until now) sit down about 10pm at the earliest!
I gave myself a break by no longer ironing, doing a quick dust each night in 'important' areas that visitors would see - this saves doing housework for hours on the weekend, and I try to tidy as I go - i quite often wash the bathroom sink round whilst brushing my teeth before bed, followed by a quick toilet clean!!
Luckily my child is older now and a bit more independent but it is still hard dealing with teenage strops and hormones - yesterday she went from talking happily to crying and angry, to laughing, then laughing and crying at the same time - in the space of 10 minutes!! Plus I get tired of nagging about the bedroom being untidy, not doing homework or being organised - I got tired of my own voice and now let her live how she wants and she is responsible for ensuring she studies - if she does bad at school, she has been warned!

Life is rather crazy, but aren't we extremely lucky to have a house to clean, food to cook and children to worry about! There is ALWAYS somebody worse off than you - that thought also gets me through the day and makes me appreciate just how lucky I am!

Sounds like you need a Massive treat day OP!