Aibu to wonder if everybody life is like this?

[Laraaussie]

So today I got up at 6am, coffee, breakfast, then rushed around getting ready sorting kids eldest just sits around and does nothing unless told, no common sense, youngest 4yo spends all morning moaning and having tantrums because he can't get his socks on.

Left house, dropped dc at childcare, struggled through bad traffic to get to work. Left work, got stuck in unexpectedly bad traffic, was going to be late to collect dc so had to ring my mother who thankfully was able to collect them but I was super stressed.

Got home, youngest heads straight to the toilet for his usual after school poo, calls me to wipe his bottom. I then leave him to wash his hands while I have a tidy up, can hear water, he's left the tap running with the plug in and had flooded the bathroom, water pissing through the ceiling so I'm trying to dry it all up with towels while youngest is crying because he's flooded the bathroom

I nag eldest to pick up after himself as he leaves a trail of mess in his path.

I cook dinner, then go out to swimming lessons, more traffic, no parking spaces at busy leisure centre despite leaving in plenty of time we only make it in in the nick of time. After swimming queue for showers, people pushing in gives me the rage.

Head to shops for milk/bread top up, forget the bread.

Home, eat the dinner I've cooked, dh home by then, by the time we've cleared up, got kids to bed, sorted bags/uniforms for tomorrow, stuck a washing load on, we've just sat down.

I'm knackered and tomorrow I do it all again.

Yep, on the go non stop and never quite managing to get everything done. Sometimes I will think fuck it and relax in the evening and the next day I'll be kicking myself twice as stressed playing catch up

Why can't your dh help out more? It sounds like it is all on you.

No, my life isnt like this, and thank fuck for that. Please dont take that as being smug, it isnt. Just grateful. It sounds really stressful for you OP.

Sounds awful 😔
I got up, put makeup on, looked at Instagram, kissed dog and husband bye, worked for 8 hours, went home, wiped cooker, ate dinner that husband made, haven’t got off the sofa except to have a shower. I only work a few days a week, so this is not usual, I’m usually even lazier. (Childfree by choice, I could not handle being a parent, I would hate every second and be shite at it and feel awful at inflicting my genes and the future shitshow of a planet on a kid, and don’t do well with drudgery and obligations, and the thought of wiping someone’s arse makes me boke)

I worry about this a lot, OP. It feels like things are all wrong in a lot of respects.

itnot I've recently made some headway with mine. They were refusing to muck in at supper time so I started giving them pasta with tomato sauce every night, easy and quick for me, until they broke. Someone told me to not feed them until they helped but my nerves couldn't take that hassle so I just bored them into submission instead . It didn't take long.
DS has now mastered fishfingers and beans and DD made roast potatoes this week.

Yes similar 6am to 10pm. I work Full time, do dinner, school run, clubs etc and dealing with kids on my own. I do this about 3 days a week so hubby can head into London for work, hubby has a schedule like this for the other 2 days, so I can take a flight or travel for work. On top of that I have the sort of job where I'm very accountable with responsibility. My job is performance based, and I have to keep my knowledge up. I study all the time and it's very high pressured. I don't know how long I can keep it up as I have only been in high pressured jobs ever since I left Uni. Thankfully highly paid though. So I'm just trying to keep it together till early retirement!!! You're not alone. I wonder why we do it but cost of living is high and there's pensions to think about. I'd rather work hard now than be struggling when I'm older and can't find work!!

Yep this is my life too. BUT.. I treat it like a massive game, and one that I can totally win at. I am by nature a bit chaotic and these types of day just fit in like a dream 😂

I try and treat it like a massive adrenalin rush. There is lots of silliness and me whipping them up into a bit of a frenzy/ me standing at the door pretending to be an army sergeant bellowing MEN, GO GO GO! (3 boys)

I try and keep it high energy for them, but also me because if I am in the adrenalin zone I am more likely to cackle laugh and get my frustrations out in slightly hysterical humour than either taking it out on them or it bringing me down.

It is hard going though and it doesn't always work. Sometimes I just feel like a shit mum. And I haven't even got a husband/partner to bloody well whinge to, single mum here. Humph.

But when this approach works, its brilliant, and I sit down at the end of the day and think "fuck me NineInchSnails you slaughtered today, you have got so much done! Well done you badass mofo" and look at my beautiful, happy sleeping boys and think how very, very lucky I am.

I will miss this phase of our lives when its done :(

@IfNot absolutely, men have to step up. I would hope by the time having kids you'd know what type of husband you have, but not always, it's important to not put up and shut up when he shows his true colours. I think it's SO detrimental to stay with a man who doesn't step up, not to just the woman but the children too, but so many don't seem to see this and don't think it's a reason I split. I think it's one of the ultimate reasons to split, to be taken advantage of like that, that's not love or respect.

NineInchSnails you sound amazing. Huge kudos to you.

I do the bulk of the children stuff purely because DH works more than me, at a higher level than me and earns $$$$$ more than me.

And that has always been the case since we met. Add to that my health problems and it was very logical that I slow my career down for a while.

When we are both at home after work/at the weekends, the split of household/children stuff is very even. But DH can't do 90% of the medical appointments as they are during the week. He can't do bedtimes, and a lot of mornings.

He is not sitting around doing nothing whilst i'm running around like a headless chicken.

I'd love to know how I could be less stressed and less busy. But DH can't take any of that load.

No, my life isnt like this, and thank fuck for that. Please dont take that as being smug, it isnt. Just grateful. It sounds really stressful for you OP

This for me too. Also sending you Hope things calm down for you.

Is there nothing you can change. Could you cut out swimming lessons or change them? Could you cycle to work? There's always something that can be tweaked

Jesus no. But mostly because my dc don't do swimming lessons. I know so many parents who endure this stress more than once a week as it's a 'life skill' but really, it's the one thing I am so glad my dc don't do. It seems to be once you are in, you can't get out - so much time & money.

Mine have an after school martial arts class & one evening per week at another local club that there isn't much prep & after work for.

I also think small changes can make a difference though. I've started being strict with what's 'allowed' in the wash as they are in the habit of putting everything they've worn in when it could do another turn. Oldest is 9 & learning to cook!

There is lots of silliness and me whipping them up into a bit of a frenzy/ me standing at the door pretending to be an army sergeant bellowing MEN, GO GO GO! (3 boys)

This made me chuckle,great approach nineinchsnails

seems to be once you are in, you can't get out - so much time & money.

I think swimming is a life skill and it's very important to us as a family. I'm not sporty but I love the water and I love swimming, and all our family holidays are centred on swimming.

Our DC (9 and 6) have both been attending weekly swimming lessons since they were 5. The nine year old is now an excellent swimmer and can dive, do rescue etc too. Six year old can already swim in deep end.

It hasn't been a huge hassle because even though they are in different classes, the swimming pool has always made sure their lessons are the same half hour every Saturday morning (used to be 10am, now 10.30am). We combine Saturday mornings with piano lessons to get it all over with and are home by 12.

Sounds similar

me and my partner had tears the other night over this. The constant running on a treadmill means he feels he has no time to see me as a person in my own right. I'm DD mum most of the time and we are both just so busy. It makes me sad that this is life- I mean is this it? repeat until DD leaves home and then what?

.

That’s parenting isn’t it? So much easier to look after just yourself! It does get easier as they get older.

My day isn’t too dissimilar but I take public transport to work and back. I do have to take three trains but it sounds worse than it is as I actually manage to watch a whole hour of a drama or documentary or reality show each way on my phone. I relish my commute to switch off and escape and be entertained without thinking much. It makes a big difference. I hate driving and don’t have a car but I imagine the driving part would be less relaxing than sitting on a bus or a train?

Sounds like a standard day to me. Does get easier though. Does the older one get pocket money OP

Op - I feel like this every single day .. with debt worries on top.. broken marriage.. just worries... I do sometimes look up to the sky and ask ‘what is this all for’ but then I feel guilty because many mums aren’t there to see their Lo’s Grow up (which proves life is a bitch in itself)

Love your frank honesty and please pm me if you ever need a chat. In fact it would be great to make a forum or even a whattsapp page for mums to ‘speak out’ to other mums they don’t know ... as we all know it’s impossible at school gates ❤️

@11from123toabc it does get easier as they get older..trust me one of mine has left home, so i have 2 dds 13 and 17 at home and ds2 16. As they get older delegate jobs for them to do. Teach them how to cook basic meals, put a wash on, wash up, iron and put clothes away. There's no reason why they can't be expected to do a few chores to earn pocket money.

Yes same and I also have a dh who shares the load. Wake up, sort kids for school, long drive to work, stressful job in the community, late finish, get home, pick up kids from childcare, kit for rugby / swimming, race there and back, stick food on, any homework / reading, throw them into bed as early as I can manage, whizz round the house (currently a tip) then start over again the next day. The only things that help are a large gin when I do eventually sit down or relaxing my housework standards in the week and sorting it all out at the weekend. Although then you spend precious downtime sorting the house. Doesn’t seem fair does it.