Aibu to wonder if everybody life is like this?

[Laraaussie]

So today I got up at 6am, coffee, breakfast, then rushed around getting ready sorting kids eldest just sits around and does nothing unless told, no common sense, youngest 4yo spends all morning moaning and having tantrums because he can't get his socks on.

Left house, dropped dc at childcare, struggled through bad traffic to get to work. Left work, got stuck in unexpectedly bad traffic, was going to be late to collect dc so had to ring my mother who thankfully was able to collect them but I was super stressed.

Got home, youngest heads straight to the toilet for his usual after school poo, calls me to wipe his bottom. I then leave him to wash his hands while I have a tidy up, can hear water, he's left the tap running with the plug in and had flooded the bathroom, water pissing through the ceiling so I'm trying to dry it all up with towels while youngest is crying because he's flooded the bathroom

I nag eldest to pick up after himself as he leaves a trail of mess in his path.

I cook dinner, then go out to swimming lessons, more traffic, no parking spaces at busy leisure centre despite leaving in plenty of time we only make it in in the nick of time. After swimming queue for showers, people pushing in gives me the rage.

Head to shops for milk/bread top up, forget the bread.

Home, eat the dinner I've cooked, dh home by then, by the time we've cleared up, got kids to bed, sorted bags/uniforms for tomorrow, stuck a washing load on, we've just sat down.

I'm knackered and tomorrow I do it all again.

Not any more, but it was for years and years and years.

Eventually they grow up, and you don’t have this. Probably why the empty nest hits some women so hard. After so many years of doing everything and being there all the time, suddenly you are redundant and wonder what’s the point.

It passes though 😀

Mine's not, but I only have one DC, I only work school hours and school/my work/after school clubs are all in walking distance (and we always walk) so there's never any "sitting in traffic" stress.

I do feel tired all the time though!

It's normal. But we put too much pressure on ourselves to be instafamilies, with perfect homes and happy, fulfilled dcs doing a variety of extracurricular stuff while fed healthy, nutritious meals and still have time to maintain our appearance, progress in our careers and have a meaningful relationship with our dps/dhs and extended family and friends.

I am lucky that both me and dh are S/E and mine is really flexible. Have 2 dcs, 1 is 5 the other 15. In the last couple of weeks I have started carving out 2 hours a day straight after the school run to do exactly what I want to do. It's made me feel 1000% better mentally. I know it's not always feasible and I am very lucky to be able to have that amount of time a week, but even a couple of hours for yourself is invaluable I think.

We shouldn't be on 100% of the time. It doesn't matter if everyone has sarnies for dinner one night. It doesn't matter if you warm up leftovers, or have a chippy tea, or have supermarket pizza. Some days everybody fed, nobody dead is good enough.

Also socks. Ds is 5, we have sockgate every morning for months. Have bought socks in a bigger size and he can do them himself now. Ones with toes and heel a contrasting colour.

My oldests spending money is dependent on her doing chores. At the moment she is responsible for cleaning the bathroom once a week and dusting the bedrooms.

And it's ok if something nice at the weekend isn't just for the dcs. Especially now winter is coming my 2 are happy with a duvet day. Sometimes dh goes out, sometimes I go do my thing, sometimes I take both the dcs out so dh can chill at home, sometimes he takes ds with him somewhere.

Post school and activities is always chaos o'clock. Just accept it is, feed everyone with the minimum effort and breathe when they are in bed.

I set some red lines I haven't crossed. Like: I don't get out of bed before 7.30. I need my rest.

Household chores always get done in the end.
Likewise bed by 10pm and so kind of sit down most nights beforehand.
I taught the children to be independent for their age - even 3 yo dresses himself. 7 yo makes her own packed lunch.
It gives us tiem for games and fun in the evening before bed.

I've been reading some stuff about being a senior woman, how to prioritise, how to delegate and how to be happy with what you have. It is fascinating and very positive

Pretty accurate for me too. Work full time during term time.

4 DC here, homework, listening to reading, cooking, cleaning, driving to and from ballet, tap, swim club, swim lessons, gymnastics, drama, Irish dancing, choir...

DH moans that I get up between 6-6.15 every morning but it is my only 30 minutes of peace in the day. Today I have the bathrooms to clean, an online shop to do on top of ordinary duties.

No not really as it sounds like you're stressed. By the time I get downstairs children have eaten breakfast (overnight oats), dressed and teeth brushed (I do shout out a couple of times to shimmy them along!). Walk to school, walk back, in car to work, can get stuck in a bit of traffic but work flexi, no drama.

DH picks kids up from school, by the time I'm back I make dinner (kids eat at after school club), DH clears up. One of us makes oats for breakfast. Tuesdays we have football, down the road, we take it in turns, they will bath after that. In bed 7/8 according to age. Fridays I pick them up straight from the school gates to take them swimming, this is a bit of a rush due to traffic. Back home for dinner for 6.

DH is away this week so just me, but I don't get too frazzled, work flexi as I say so I don't stress. I also don't wipe my school aged children's bums (8 and 5).

OP you just described my normal day. I'm currently having my 'sanity' moment drinking tea and mumsnetting before I wake the kids at 7. I get up at 5:45am to get myself washed and dressed for work then downstairs to finish the pack lunches and unpack the dishwasher. If I'm going to the office I'll drive away at 7:30 and panic drive back to get them from after school club at 6pm. Thankfully I'm working from home today so whilst on conference calls with a blue tooth headset I can tidy the house and put on laundry. The house is no way near as clean as it should be and I'm exhausted. Have just ordered vit D spray and iron tablets to try and up my energy levels so I can do more but I suspect I just need more sleep and less to do.

You are basically describing my life! Everyday! It does get tiring doesn't it.

Yep that's normal and it fucking sucks. This is the price we pay for wanting to 'have it all'.

A lot of the stress seems to come from the driving. We live in not the nicest area but we picked it because it's very near the city centre. This means we can walk or cycle to everything we are doing - work, the swimming pool, gym, supermarket, train station etc.

We only use the car at weekends to go further afield when there's no traffic.

I refuse to drive anywhere in the week as traffic is just at a standstill everywhere and it would drive me bonkers.

Iget the added bonus of a 15 year old daughter talking to me with sheer hatred and disgust

ah sorry that made me laugh
My 11 year old is fast heading that way

OP I hear you .

I home educate my kids so my life is very different. It’s not without its stresses but our mornings are very very relaxed. I used to work when they were younger and I can remember that hellish pressure to get several people ready before you can get yourself to work.

My kids are very far from perfect but getting them to do their own washing when they were old enough made a big difference.

It’s bliss when swimming lessons come to an end!

Also, you need shortcuts . No need for homecooked meals on swimming nights (unless DH can cook them whilst you are out), swimnights here meant sandwiches, or nuggets and chips at the swim cafe.

I’ve been there and done that... got the t shirt. Now DC off at uni and house feels like the Mary Celeste!

Few thoughts to ponder, and ideas which helped me. These will take a bit of effort to implement, but will reap rewards in terms of saved time in the long run.

• Meal Plan (lots of inspiration on MN and elsewhere)
• cook 3 times more than you need and freeze
• Slow Cooker or an Instant Pot
• online food shop based on your meal plan

• lists for the DCs if old enough. Use whatever will work... gold stars, sweets after lunch at weekends, pocket money.

• Lists. I found they helped with all the other ‘life admin’ stuff. It’s always great to tick stuff off. Even if it’s ‘Post letter’!!

• Breathe. Give yourself a break. Eat pizza in pyjamas. Clean the bathroom tomorrow. It’s not going to kill anyone

hmmm was not that way for us.

We mainly let standards slip with housework, then we got organised with kids.

No extra curriculars away from house/park. (piano/singing lessons at home - teachers came to us - I cooked the tea, they had fun with music, running in the park whilst I walked the dog - exercise and fresh air for all of us)

Swimming lessons are not compulsory, took ours out at the weekend to the local pool with flumes and splash area and taught them ourselves, whilst we all got exercise and had fun together.

Bags and uniforms got "sorted" as they came in the door. Change clothes, uniform hung up ready for next day, bags gone through and anything ready for the next day. Kids then did their reading out loud as they sat having a drink and a wind down whilst I cooked the tea.

Lots of lists and "the calendar" - if it is not on there, it is not happening or being planned around.

We just didn't do stuff that made life harder. The work side of life was hard enough. Now both are teens and all mucking in, life is even breezier...

Life is by and large not easy and it is like that for most, unless you have a nanny and cleaner it's up to you to do it all.

My day is up at 4.15 with DH when he goes on shift. My working day begins around 5 when I talk to Aussie and US clients then at 6 the first of my UK clients start to come online.

At around 7 DS wakes up and we have breakfast and I get a few bits of housework done and any admin for the day. 8am the school day starts for DS and my work day continues. 12 we break for lunch for half an hour. Some days we have shopping or activities to be done as well. I am always available to clients by email and phone so no getting away. 2.30pm DH arrives back and we get baths and tea. 6pm I resume work and work till typically 8pm or sometimes later. I read a bit or read with DS and then go to bed and then...I do it all again with variations on weekends in that DS doesn't do schoolwork ( I home ed) and I do DIY.

The secret is not to have children!

My life is nothing like that. No real stress, no running round like a headless chicken. Me and DH have a pretty relaxed happy life and, when not working, can more or less do what we want when we want

No not really, but I took the train to work (where I mned or read), I wasn't that bothered if I was late. I never did much tidying while dc were awake or at all.
I always cooked (single) but you don't have to you dafty! Why didn't your husband cook if he was already home when you got back from swimming?!
I used to come in from after school club and put together a nice tea in 20 minutes-I learned to do loads of nice quick meals. Why doesn't he learn some too, then that's one thing on swimming days you don't have to do.
The flood would have had me stressed though!
BTW to previous posters saying it was better in our grandmothers day-both mine worked. I don't think either of them were that arsed about a tidy house either!

BeyondMyWits How the buggery bollocks do you get your teens to "muck in" without a lot of Kevin-style huffing and stropping?

Asking for a friend.

@IfNot I agree, my grandmother was a single mother (scandalous at the time and little support) and the other was desperate to work but with a military officer husband she wasn't "allowed" it looked "bad" on him, wasted her life and potential for little recognition. It's incredibly naive to say it was better back in the day, ill informed as to what the reality was for many.

My 6 year old was annoyed with me for not letting him watch tv, so in annoyance he left the shower door open whilst showering and proceeded to purposefully splash water all over the floor.
I made him clean it up (he had to figure out how to).

That's exactly what my DS does! He's almost 6. It drives me mental but i always end up clearing it up whereas i should insist he does it!

By reading and hearing other's experiences with two or more DCs i do feel alot happier about having just the one, esp as i'm now well over 40! Also lucky enough to work 5 mins away from home in part time job. No parents or in-laws to help..we wouldn't trust them

This is exactly why I never even considered having more than one child , sorry I know that’s not very helpful but hopefully the joy of having two or more children will be worth it

My life was like that, something may have to give for you, it did for me.
Swimming on Saturday
After school clubs
Teach independence as soon as possible, it can be done with the right reward. Find each child’s currency.
Leave things undone
You are doing a brilliant job and managing so many jobs at once, it WILL get easier.

Buddytheelf85

@SherbetSaucer

I think the OP was probably looking for views from other parents...grin
Don’t really get people commenting on a mumsnet site saying the key is not to have children etc. No one is saying they don’t want their children just a bit of practical advice is sought from peeps.
Wouldn’t dream of going on a site about people without kids, extolling the virtues of having them ! Just odd

Well my practical advice is get Husband cooking tea.