Aibu to wonder if everybody life is like this?

[Laraaussie]

So today I got up at 6am, coffee, breakfast, then rushed around getting ready sorting kids eldest just sits around and does nothing unless told, no common sense, youngest 4yo spends all morning moaning and having tantrums because he can't get his socks on.

Left house, dropped dc at childcare, struggled through bad traffic to get to work. Left work, got stuck in unexpectedly bad traffic, was going to be late to collect dc so had to ring my mother who thankfully was able to collect them but I was super stressed.

Got home, youngest heads straight to the toilet for his usual after school poo, calls me to wipe his bottom. I then leave him to wash his hands while I have a tidy up, can hear water, he's left the tap running with the plug in and had flooded the bathroom, water pissing through the ceiling so I'm trying to dry it all up with towels while youngest is crying because he's flooded the bathroom

I nag eldest to pick up after himself as he leaves a trail of mess in his path.

I cook dinner, then go out to swimming lessons, more traffic, no parking spaces at busy leisure centre despite leaving in plenty of time we only make it in in the nick of time. After swimming queue for showers, people pushing in gives me the rage.

Head to shops for milk/bread top up, forget the bread.

Home, eat the dinner I've cooked, dh home by then, by the time we've cleared up, got kids to bed, sorted bags/uniforms for tomorrow, stuck a washing load on, we've just sat down.

I'm knackered and tomorrow I do it all again.

It doesn't have to be like that. Don't get me wrong it sometimes is for us but it isn't always, and if it were to be then what would be the point? I've made a lot of choices to have a husband, children, house and a job and am currently thinking to myself that it is time to enjoy them.

I am letting it all go over my head, and playing games rather than tidying up etc. It is great!

My day

7:45 up, get ready, kids get ready - teeth, clothes, bag, shoes
8:15 downstairs, kids breakfast, make my lunch, empty dishwasher, hang washing, put a wash on
8:40 leave
8:50 school
9:15 work
5:45 leave work
6:00 get kids, home, snack
6:30 homework, get stuff ready for next day
7:00 bedtime routine - bath, pjs, reading, playtime - kids do this while I put clothes away and tidy round
8:00 kids into bed
Hang out washing, sort cats, etc

Dh is home around 6 so one of us cooks while the other does the kids. Usually cooks enough to have for lunch the next day and to freeze for another night.

Wednesdays I finish at 3pm so we go straight to swimming and get home at 5 that day, which gives us a bit more relaxing.

It’s a boring old slog but pretty well oiled by now, though for some reason my children still can’t put their school shoes on without being told, usually several times.

They are 5 and 6.

I think any small changes you can make will make a real difference. Batch cooking, or a slow cooker? Do you have friends that are doing the same after school activities to share lifts? Can you work any hours from home? Could you afford a cleaner for a couple of hours a week?
My DD is 14 now, she clung to me like a limpet and cried every night in reception as she didn’t want to go to school. It’s amazing I now off a confident, popular and sassy girl. We have a wonderful relationship ( we do have our moments!!) and I can see our relationship mirroring that of mine with my dear Mum. Who I was exceptionally close to throughout all of her life

I have to say no. Mine is nothing like that.

Alarm goes off at 7:30am. And again at 7:39, 7:45, 7:54 and again at 8am. I love that bloody snooze button and I hate mornings. I HATE THEM.
By the time I've talked myself into getting up, my eldest (12) has been up an hour already. She gets up at 7am and does her own breakfast (I often make Scotch pancakes the night before), straightens her hair, deals with her uniform and everything else. She is completely independent. She wouldn't take the help if offered. She heads off to school herself at 8:10 and won't accept a lift, even in the rain because she likes the walk.

Younger two (9 and 7) get up, get themselves sorted and dressed and even do their own breakfast. I do it sometimes but it's whoever's nearest usually. 7yo DS likes to make his 9yo sister's because he adores her and vice versa.

It's a two minute walk to the school on the next street or I drive us if I'm heading to the shop after drop off. School starts at 9am.

I go get groceries, come home, tidy up, read a book, batch cook some meals or start on a big dinner. I visit with friends or go to my part time job. It's a quiet, easy life. We don't have much money on DH's salary but his shift pattern means I couldn't get a job that wouldn't mean expensive childcare so I just stick with my casual work. We're happy but not rich. DH's shifts mean he's often at home with me so we'll spend the day together either doing chores, chilling out or erm.... doing something that mummies and daddies who love each other do 😱

After school can be a bit stressful with music lessons twice a week, homework clubs, swimming lessons, Brownies and Guides and lord knows what else. We end up running around trying to get from one activity to another but it works out fine, even if we have to grab some fast food in the car.

I wouldn't change my life for the world. DSis has a career and a couple of kids and it sounds as utterly exhausting as yours. It's my idea of hell and DSis quite rightly, feels exactly the same about our lifestyle. She would hate to be home during the day or to not own her home or have less than £30K in savings whereas I'm happy plodding along, not owing anyone but paying our own way (not requiring any benefits other than getting Child benefit of course)

Different lifestyles but neither is wrong.

And yes online shopping, anything we need in between DH usually picks up at lunchtime or I’ll nip in on way home. If I had to go to shops with kids it would massively increase my stress.

Also something we do that is perhaps unusual - for the most part the kids are on the same floor of the house as us. When we get in after work, they don’t go upstairs until snack and homework are done downstairs then they go up with a parent. It seems to keep things more efficient and tidier as they both have minds like goldfish.

OP it sounds like you have a really, really tight schedule. Can anything give?

Could either of you work from home one day a week, or condense your working hours into 4 long days?

Hang in there OP you are not alone

I feel i have early onset dementia sometimes

When everyone says it gets easier or "young children" what age is it exactly? Cos i found earlier years easy without any battles of will (e.g. the non stop sibling bickering, the precise requests about meals, the sensitivity to just about everything, the moody, grumpy or defiant responses to simple requests like "get dressed", the constant mess, soiled pants and wet bed)

Last year was hard.
My day starts a 6am,make lunches,out of door at 6.45.Home 7pmish.Cook.
Last year was DDS GCSEs so after tea it was helping with revision (I never want to learn poetry quotes/see another flash card ever again).
This year she has to leave the house too at 6.50 am and get back from college at 6pm.She realises why I get so tired so helps out a lot more.
This year is nice,we have time to laugh and watch bake off,we see each other in the mornings.
It does get better.I also got rid of another cause of stress and extra work ,he has moved miles away too.

My life's like this on 8year olds club days.

I have a 7 month old to fit into all this too and husband works away.

You described my evening! Usually sit down around 9pm.....!

You are not alone OP. My dd is older, but even with batch cooking, taking shortcuts, etc life is very busy. And no, you are not doing it wrong! I ask myself that same question very often.

No my days are much more relaxed than that however, I only have one child who is 6 and a complete breeze, I am a student and I live in a small town so no bad traffic/parking to deal with. Although I do a lot of running about to activities during the week but I enjoy that cause that's my few hours of peace

No, if my life was that stressful I think I’d run away to Hawaii never to return! I couldn’t cope with that!

This is my week so far:

Monday

Woke up, went for a run, went to work, came home to a delicious meal cooked by DH, had a hot bath, we watched movies until bed, sexy-times!

Tuesday

Woke up, went to work, came home to get changed, we went to our favourite restaurant for dinner, spent the rest of the night cuddled up on the sofa binge watching Netflix and eating chocolate, got a foot rub!

I was just telling my DSis this yesterday. I have a cleaner and a robot vacuum but my house still looks like a bombsite. DDs favourite game is to "make salad" which means walking around the house putting toys, pens, hair elastics, Lego figures and other trinkets into bags, socks, boxes, etc and then leave them lying about on the floor and tables.

I also try to do the 'all be in same floor' Shoreditch but it only takes her about a minute to completely wreck her room.

@SherbetSaucer

I think the OP was probably looking for views from other parents...

Sadly, yes. But add in an extra child, SEN, a job that means working evenings (even remotely), and I'm sitting here with my dog unable to sleep wondering how to change things up to make it easier when funds are really limited so many time saving options just don't work, sadly. Also the to do list is staring at me even though I should be asleep.

My friends with 5 kids and 11 kids make it look easy. But they are both very wealthy, have weekly (in one case twice weekly) cleaners who do much more than the basics and stay a whole day/two days every week taking care of linens, ironing, hovering, dishes, tidying, mopping, laundry etc, have the funds to pay for after school schemes and nice summer camp style things even though they are SAHM. They also have a date night weekly with a couple baby-sitters who come to the house while they go to a movie and dinner as a couple. They hire people to do garden and all outdoor maintenance like mowing lawn, weeding, planting etc. I think it makes a huge difference. The one with 11 kids admits the worst time was when she was working full time with 2-4 kids and they couldn't afford help as her DH was in school and she was supporting the family, she says it was much harder then than having 11 kids now. So I guess the busy life of full time work with 2/3 kids and more limited budgets that don't allow for any help really is tough. And I think that makes me feel better! LOL

I read somewhere once that all women's liberation did for women was to give them a full time job out of the home in addition to the one they already had in the home.

That was my life for years!
Now, oldest 2 dc have left home, youngest is 11 and I work part time
It is feckin brilliant

Our days arent really like this ut we have massively lowered our standards. It helps that I work from home two days a week, DH has two weekdays off work, and my parents have DS overnight so have him on the morning neither me or DH are home. Whoever is working outside of the home each morning leaves at 5am, but the person doing pre-school run with DS and school run with DSS either has the day off or works from home so it's relatively stress free.

Kids are up between 6 and 7, we need to leave between 8 and half 8 depending on if DSS is with us. DSS is 9 and gets himself ready, I get DS dressed and teeth brushed ten mins before we need to leave. Until then they just veg out in front of the telly eating cereal. We make sure lunches are ready and bags and uniforms ready the night before so it is easy enough.

I anticipate it getting a hell of a lot more difficult when DS wants to dress himself.

Yes sounds like mine but add doing an nvq into any free moment I have.

I almost had a breakdown a few weeks ago due to stress of work/ absolute overwhelm!
Since then I’ve reduced my hours at work (not sure if this is an option for you), I’ve also turned off all communication to work whilst I’m not there (emails/ WhatsApp groups for team). I’ve also kept the kids in nursery for a half day a week when I’m off, which gives me time to get jobs done/ have some time to myself.
Obviously the reduced hours might not be an option for you, I’m lucky that my boss has allowed me to do it without a pay cut but it might be something to consider?

Also I’ve just signed up to a couple of things for myself which I think will make a big difference. I’m committing one evening a week to a Spanish course and an exercise class.

My life used to be similar to yours but I have made a few adjustments to help:

• on line grocery shopping

• cooking double portions & freezing extras so there's a stock of ready meals in freezer

• batch cook & freeze curry, stew and sauce bases so I just need to add fresh ingredients

• print visual timetables for the kids. I don't need to ask them to do stuff, they look at the table and do it. No more nagging

• at the end of day, we put 15 mins on timer and everybody tidies up. We get loads done.

• chores are linked to pocket money. They're competitive and try to outearn each other.

• Put the washing machine on a timer so it's ready to hang out when I get home from work.

• straight home from swimming for baths and bedtime routine. Easier & quicker than hanging around for ages.

www.tes.com/teaching-resources/blog/visual-timetables-all-ages

Same here sorry. I have 3 as well so extra clubs and homework. Homework now takes 1.5hours every night ffs! I do only work 3 days a week so I get some rest bite sometimes if you can call housework rest haha. I have started this year getting my 8 and 7 year old to make their lunches which surprisingly has worked out great and one less thing for me.