My DD's first boyfriend is transgender and I feel weird about it.

[Milicentbystander72]

I've always been a very liberal minded person. Supported gay rights all my life. My best friend and DN are gay. I support the rights of Trans people to live their life etc.

My dd15 has a nice group of friends (boys and girls). In that group is a Trans teen (Female to Male). He changed his name in Y8, He's totally accepted as Male at school. There are no issues. He looks completely Male and people who don't know him would never think that he'd been born female. He's a nice boy who is well liked. All good.

Except last night my DD told me she's going out with him. I've surprised myself that this has unnerved me.

My dd hasn't had a BF before. She's only ever snogged one boy before at a party. She says she's 100% straight. She says she fancies the cool older boys in Sixth Form. Has teenage celebrity crushes on boys like Tom Holland etc. So how does this work for her?

Last night I told her all was fine and just to be careful they didn't damage a friendship if they broke up etc, but I didn't make a big deal of it.

Would you find this weird if your dc said they were straight? Please be honest. I'm kind of hoping it fizzles out without any drama.

Op I think you are doing a fab job of parenting.

I mean don't start because I'm not getting into a debate about this. I have trans friends and these arguments only rile me on a personal level, and I'm trying to get on with my day. So no, I'm not discussing further.

Bye then.

I have trans friends

What makes you think you are the only one who has trans friends?

You know a lot of trans people agree with biological sex mattering, and the GC position - several post here about it in fact. Are you going to tell them they're wrong too?

Or are you all about the #NoDebate colour me surprised

So because friends cant cope with biology the people around them have to avoid taking about it too?

Blah blah blah feelings.

No discussion.

God must make conversations surprisingly difficult.

Do you have some kind of approved lists of safe subjects that wont at any point revert to a need of scientific fact?

What I don't understand is up until the point of sex, why do the genitals matter?

If a straight woman dates a man who lost his penis in a freak accident, is she now gay? Of course not.

If the OPs daughter considers her boyfriend to be a boy, and she's not bothered about sex yet, how is it wrong for her to say she is heterosexual and attracted to boys?

If a straight woman dates a man who lost his penis in a freak accident, is she now gay? Of course not.

Well, duh. He still has XY chromosomes, doesn't he? Just as a woman who has had a hysterectomy still has XX. Stupid attempt at an argument.

because sexual attraction starts way before you clock each others' privates. And most, though not all of us, know what we are sexually attracted to, and from quite a young age. And deceiving others into believing you are not the sex you are is a very bad look.

A man who loses his penis in an accident is still and always will be male, just like the man who gets himself castrated is still and always male.

Having female genitalia is not remotely similar to losing your penis in a freak accident.

But thanks for that comment, Dr Freud.

Love how the transphobes come on threads all "but of course I'll be ripped apart for saying this" and then proceed to rip apart anyone who disagrees with them.

Why do so many anti-trans people think that a couple of teens having a relationship is any of their business? What makes you think you need - or are entitled - to butt in and inform them that 'people can't change sex' and 'we won't use your preferred terms to refer to you'. WTF has this got to do with you?

OP's DD could have picked someone far more potentially troublesome to start dating - a born-male boy who happened to be abusive; a teen involved in gang culture, a predatory adult, a girl her own age who happened to be abusive... If the DD is currently happy, that's all that matters. There may be some drama and unhappiness at some point in the future because that's what often happens with teens and their relationships. But there is no need to make these two kids a battleground for the various ideological positions different people have on gender and identity.

there's no-one anti-trans on this thread.

But you know that.

WTF has this got to do with you?

Maybe you should be asking the OP - after all, she’s the one who posted on here asking for people’s honest views.

It means that teenage relationships generally involve sexual intimacy even if it’s only kissing. Otherwise they’re just friends.

Yes, but if they are just kissing then the trans person won't seem any less masculine will they?

He's a boy, and they're dating.

No, the OP's DD is dating a girl with the outward manifestations of a boy which doesn't make them a boy.

It hasn’t got anything to do with you either SGB.

What has masculinity got to do with anything?

What has masculinity got to do with anything?

Some people are suggesting that if OP's daughter is attracted to someone who has a vagina then she is not heterosexual which is rubbish.

there's no-one anti-trans on this thread.

Oh please, spare us this faux-naive nonsense.

Woodchuck, I don’t understand how the answer you have has anything to do with the question I asked.

OP has never said her daughter is interested in masculinity. She gave Tom Holland as the example of her daughter’s type.

So a feminine young man famous playing a role which is always played by feminine young actors acting in contrast to a cast of very masculine characters.

I would be absolutely fine if he is a nice person and is good to my daughter.
How can you say she sees him as a safe boy?? you don't know this girl??
I have grown up with a mum that was accepting of this sort of stuff, so it is completely normal to me.
If this was my daughter i would think it might not last because they are 15. if they do last more than 10 years I would only hope apart from them being happy that they do want to have kids, because stereotype or not, gay couples don't tend to make families as easy.
But I want to be a grandma, and I would most probably pester them and offer my unlimited babysitting services; unless it is absolutly clear that they don't want kids.

Oh please, spare us this faux-naive nonsense.

Oh please, spare us this bullshit deplatforming silencing tactic