My DD's first boyfriend is transgender and I feel weird about it.

[Milicentbystander72]

I've always been a very liberal minded person. Supported gay rights all my life. My best friend and DN are gay. I support the rights of Trans people to live their life etc.

My dd15 has a nice group of friends (boys and girls). In that group is a Trans teen (Female to Male). He changed his name in Y8, He's totally accepted as Male at school. There are no issues. He looks completely Male and people who don't know him would never think that he'd been born female. He's a nice boy who is well liked. All good.

Except last night my DD told me she's going out with him. I've surprised myself that this has unnerved me.

My dd hasn't had a BF before. She's only ever snogged one boy before at a party. She says she's 100% straight. She says she fancies the cool older boys in Sixth Form. Has teenage celebrity crushes on boys like Tom Holland etc. So how does this work for her?

Last night I told her all was fine and just to be careful they didn't damage a friendship if they broke up etc, but I didn't make a big deal of it.

Would you find this weird if your dc said they were straight? Please be honest. I'm kind of hoping it fizzles out without any drama.

It's a funny thing. It's easy to be inclusive in theory, but it feels quite different when you have to deal with it personally. This isn't some theoretical situation, this is your baby!

I think this just makes you human, @Milicentbystander72 . She can't come to any serious harm, so just keep watch and stay out of it. Your baby is growing up.

He's a boy, and they're dating. I kind of see why you're uncomfortable but I wouldn't think twice.
She's clearly open minded & very inclusive.

My BFF in high school dated a boy in college (MTF trans) and it was perfectly accepted as we all consider him to be a boy

I haven't read the whole thread - skipped several pages to avoid the horrible transphobic comments

Well you'd be flat-out wrong then, as there aren't any. Unless you are another one who thinks acknowledging and naming female biology is "transphobic"?

If everyone at school sees him as a boy and your dd sees him as a boy then that’s what OP should also see him as. Having sex with a trans man is different to having sex with a woman - many feel so self-conscious about their vaginas that often penetrative sex isn’t even possible until after they have transitioned completely. And even if it is and the OP’s dd eventually comes out as a lesbian, so what?

this is a lovely example of how the labels don't matter, you can call yourself what you want and live how you want and it really doesn't matter.

Expecting everyone else to join in is where the trouble starts.

Teddy, transmen never get an actual penis.

Your DD is never going to have penetrative sex with a penis whilst going out with her very male boyfriend.

I haven't read the whole thread - skipped several pages to avoid the horrible transphobic comments

How do you know there are “transphobic” comments if you skipped them?

Milicentbystander72 do you know if this teen is using a binder or on a medication? That would be quite a big deal for me - if not then it's merely playing with gender (though forcing everyone to accept pronouns etc should never be acceptable). But if binders and medication are in play I think that's something I would be concerned about and would keep an eye on.

MorganKitten oh, so do most teens take untested, damaging medication and wearing 'garments' that damage their developing bodies? Do most teens force others into leaps of cognitive dissonance and direct others' language choices?

It all seems very fluid these days and there are so many labels, it must be confusing to teens.
In the dark ages, when I was a teen, I had several friends who were "tomboys" (these days would be FtoM trans) but all are now out and proud lesbians.
It seems very uncool these days to be a butch lesbian or camp gay male, must be trans instead. They'll grow up and figure out who they are and what genitalia they're attracted to soon enough.

My BFF in high school dated a boy in college (MTF trans) and it was perfectly accepted as we all consider him to be a boy

. Isn’t a MTF a transwoman?

It seems very uncool these days to be a butch lesbian or camp gay male, must be trans instead. They'll grow up and figure out who they are and what genitalia they're attracted to soon enough

Not if they have been made to feel their genital.preferences are transphobic. Everyone has to he pansexual now. Ultimately no one benefits from this besides men who get to be centred in every sexuality . I worry how many teens will end up sleeping with people they really dont want to having been pressured to be inclusive.

Not healthy

Anyone who is minded to use euphemisms like "bottom surgery" would be well advised to Google proper medical descriptions of what is involved. There's a very good reason why most trans identifying people, particularly those identifying as men, choose not to have it - it's horrific and often outcomes are highly unsatisfactory both in terms of sexual and urinary function (not to mention loss of muscle mass/function in the forearm used as the graft site).

Dressing major medical interventions and elective surgery with low success rates up in euphemisms and rainbow glitter does no-one, particularly not trans people themselves, any favours.

If he's well liked then surely he is reasonably charismatic. That's not an unusual thing for a teen to be attracted to and suguests more discernment than something based on looks alone. So, whilst this has shaken you those feelings sound to be your thing to figure out. Rather than a problem for your daughter.

He's a boy and she's straight. It depends on the relationship. If it becomes sexual, she might change her mind if that isn't her preference. But if she likes him as a person, and isn't thinking about sex, then all she's sees is a boy she really likes. Or she might decide that she is happy with him regardless of his anatomy.

I say let her be happy. She's young.

AllStarBySmashMouth can you define the word 'boy'?

Claiming that non-transpeople become trans by contact with transpeople and that this is harmful is EXACTLY the argument that was made against the inclusion of homosexual and lesbian people, i.e. hanging out with homosexual/lesbian people would turn hetero people into homosexuals/lesbians and this would harm them (because they would catch AIDS, because they would become effeminate/butch, because they would be socially ostracised, etc.).

@CassianAndor don't start.

*this is a lovely example of how the labels don't matter, you can call yourself what you want and live how you want and it really doesn't matter.

Expecting everyone else to join in is where the trouble starts.*

So if someone wants to call themselves 'fit' and not 'fat' and expects everyone to follow suit, this is where the trouble starts? You'd make a point of calling them 'fat' to keep things trouble free?

Trying to stop people from speaking facts by associating an ideology that highly homophobic with homosexuality is an extremely transparent technique that will not pull the wool over anyones eyes here.

Nope. Not falling for it. Sorry.

AllStarBySmashMouth so that's a 'no' then. You expect others to listen to you but then can't define the terms that you're using. Well, it;s a helpful exercise in knowing who to ignore, I suppose.

Booboostwo do those suffering from anorexia get to dictate the language other people use? No. If you're dangerously underweight I'm not going to be forced to call you fat.

@CassianAndor Yes, I shall ignore you since you are providing no help to OP at all. Goodbye.

I think your approach sounds spot on OP.

She's in a teen relationship with another teen who is a friend and a nice person. It could be a lot worse!

don't start.

What, don’t start with the pesky business of biological facts?

#nodebate indeed.

Well....to be frank...at least she can't fall pregnant by him, so...win.