My DD's first boyfriend is transgender and I feel weird about it.

[Milicentbystander72]

I've always been a very liberal minded person. Supported gay rights all my life. My best friend and DN are gay. I support the rights of Trans people to live their life etc.

My dd15 has a nice group of friends (boys and girls). In that group is a Trans teen (Female to Male). He changed his name in Y8, He's totally accepted as Male at school. There are no issues. He looks completely Male and people who don't know him would never think that he'd been born female. He's a nice boy who is well liked. All good.

Except last night my DD told me she's going out with him. I've surprised myself that this has unnerved me.

My dd hasn't had a BF before. She's only ever snogged one boy before at a party. She says she's 100% straight. She says she fancies the cool older boys in Sixth Form. Has teenage celebrity crushes on boys like Tom Holland etc. So how does this work for her?

Last night I told her all was fine and just to be careful they didn't damage a friendship if they broke up etc, but I didn't make a big deal of it.

Would you find this weird if your dc said they were straight? Please be honest. I'm kind of hoping it fizzles out without any drama.

I think currently it's Puberty blockers in healthy children vs anti-psychotics in disabled children with Autstim.

Especially if the "treatment" is preventing the one thing ( brain development/puberty) that would cure it I 80 percent of cases.

If gender dysphoria isn't an illness, why do they need any medication or treatment at all?

I’m sure someone clever will explain it soon, but this has been asked a few times. The questions only ever flow one way

Thanks, oldcrone.

And, why do you never answer this specific question? Why are you advocating for the use of puberty blockers in gender dysphoric children when they don’t work?

I'm not advocating for their use. I've repeatedly said that I don't have the experience not the knowledge required to make a case either for or against (as I suspect the vast number of other posters don't either). Therefore, in my view, it is up to the patients and their drs to make the decision that is right for the individual.

No but the discussion has gradually moved on to the current topic.

It hasn't "gradually moved on". It is the usual attempt by some posters to take the thread down the usual well trodden route. Hilarious that not only do they complain when nobody bites and engages in the same old discussion again and again but they also complain that I am not keeping to the topic. Hypocrisy.

Hilarious that not only do they complain when nobody bites and engages in the same old discussion again and again but they also complain that I am not keeping to the topic. Hypocrisy.

woodchuck you never answer any questions. You ask them lots, and people reply, but you don’t answer.

Let’s move on and you can answer the questions about puberty blockers. By all means start a separate thread about the use of antipsychotics in children but let’s go back to the research about puberty blockers in gender dysphoric teens.

Err, hold up. How about you start another thread about the effects on puberty blockers and we go back to discussing the op - which is about her dd and her new relationship?

Who are you to demand a poster stops talking about something so that you can continue with your de rail?

woodchuck you never answer any questions. You ask them lots, and people reply, but you don’t answer.

I don't need to answer you questions on the research regarding puberty blockers as I'm not advocating or disagreeing with their use in the first place. In common with other posters I don't have the knowledge or experience for or against and I think it is something for the patients themselves and the doctors to come to a decision on whether it should be used.

I don't have the experience not the knowledge required to make a case either for or against (as I suspect the vast number of other posters don't either). Therefore, in my view, it is up to the patients and their drs to make the decision that is right for the individual.

Anyone can read up on this. Many scientific research papers are available as free downloads. Some of the people on here are the parents of such patients and are having to make these decisions, so you can't separate 'people on here' from 'people who are having to make these decisions'.

My understanding from a fair amount of reading on this topic is that there are some serious side effects from taking these drugs. If you are suffering from cancer or a painful gynaecological condition you might be prepared to take the drugs anyway (normally only for about 6 months). Similarly for precocious puberty - it would be very distressing for a 6-year-old girl to start her periods.

We are repeatedly told that gender dysphoria is not an illness. If that is the case, why medicate at all? If it is an illness, we should be looking for a cure for it. What we have now is a treatment (not a cure) which has serious side effects. But this is for a condition which is not even classified as an illness.

The result is that we are treating perfectly physically healthy children, who have a self-diagnosed condition, which is not even classified as an illness, with drugs that have serious short term side effects and long term effects which are unknown. This treatment is now the first line of treatment, not the last resort it was in the past, when it was only used on adults for whom psychiatric treatment had failed.

I don't need to answer you questions on the research regarding puberty blockers as I'm not advocating or disagreeing with their use in the first place.

So you are genuinely ambivalent?

Whenever this topic comes up.on FWR posters claim that they have nothing against trans people, they would treat them with dignity and respect. They have an issue with a conflict of rights, trans women gaining access to ladies toilets, changing rooms etc, competing in women's sports and so forth. So what is the objection to the scenario in the op?

It's a trans man so no issue of accessing women's safe spaces
Again a trans man so no issue with taking away from women
Doesn't appear to be on puberty blockers, has undergone surgery or any other measures that posters are objecting to.

So, what actually is the problem here unless it is that fundamentally you have a problem with trans gender people, which goes against all the protestations that are usually made?

what actually is the problem here

It's the fact that it's a child.

The OP mentions a transboy.

Posters are offering advice to a parent regarding children. There's no problem'.

Re-rail. Evidence recently mentioned in the press is suggesting there may be major medical issues with puberty blockers. We know there are medical issues with breast binding. New boyfriend is a female who looks like a boy at 15 so real possibility of one or the other.

Would you be concerned if your child took up with someone for example you suspected of self harming? Probably yes. While still wanting to support both children, it's a big thing to take on being main support person for someone with big issues. It's understandable OP would be concerned and I'd be keeping an eye and trying to make sure communication channels remained open.

While I would see it as my child taking up with a girl with issues, I'd see that as not necessarily a bad thing, but be keeping an eye that the relationship is not too much of a drain and support goes both ways. And as I say be wary of sexism creeping in as it is quite a sexist ideology.

*So, what actually is the problem here unless it is that fundamentally you have a problem with trans gender people, which goes against all the protestations that are usually made?i

Children are being experimented on. There aren’t even any studies for woodchuck to disagree with.

The op was asking why they feel uneasy.
And every other topic that's been discussed int his thread has been about the same thing, children.

The unease of having a child on the Trans pathway is the issue people have here.

So, what actually is the problem here unless it is that fundamentally you have a problem with trans gender people, which goes against all the protestations that are usually made?

The problem for me is why this girl thinks she is a boy. People can't change sex, and by 15 a child should have been taught this in their biology lessons, and have realised it at a much earlier age once they understood that their sex was fixed.

I'd be concerned about the mental health of a child who insists that they are the opposite sex. It's not possible to be 'born in the wrong body', although most of us at some point in our lives have felt unhappy with some aspects of our bodies.

People who identify as transgender and have treatments for this condition simply change some aspects of their appearance. Someone mentioned cosmetic surgery earlier in the thread, and these body modifications seem to be an extreme type of cosmetic surgery, but are being encouraged rather than viewed as a poor solution to whatever is causing the underlying problem.

OldCrone

So you're saying that there's a lot of research available on puberty blockers and another poster is saying that there is none available? Which is it?

As for is it an illness, does it require treatment and so on - there are a few other conditions that may not be classified as an illness but are still treated medically. Is anxiety an illness? How about people that undergo cosmetic surgery? They don't have an illness but still undergo surgery to live with a body that is acceptable to them.

To me, the line between what is an illness and what isn't and when medical or surgical procedures should be done is becoming increasingly blurred.

Many conditions that are considered an illness and would previously have been treated are now removed from NHS eligibility. That doesn't mean that they are no longer an illness, just that we no longer treat them.

So you're saying that there's a lot of research available on puberty blockers and another poster is saying that there is none available? Which is it?

From my post at 9.31 this morning since you seem to have missed it:

This class of drugs is used in the treatment of many illnesses and conditions which are affected by sex hormones. These include prostate cancer, breast cancer, endometriosis and fibroids. They have also been used to chemically castrate sex offenders. Their side effects from short term use in adults are well known. What is not well known are the long term effects in children who take them for longer periods, followed by CSH, and never go through a natural puberty.

OldCrone

So the objection is fundamentally then to being trans gender as a whole?

Is anxiety an illness? How about people that undergo cosmetic surgery? They don't have an illness but still undergo surgery to live with a body that is acceptable to them.

They're adults.
We don't help anorexics to lose weight, tell them that they will be happier when they are thinner. Perform stomach surgery etc.

Experimentation on children, amputation and surgery, harmful medication is a child abuse scandal.

and another poster is saying that there is none available?

If your referring to me, I’m not saying that. I’m referencing how children with gender dysphoria are the Guinea pigs here. There’s research into the effects on adults and into that of younger children with precocious puberty but not into the long-term effects of children in this setting. No one yet knows what happens to these children who are kept essentially pre pubertal for 6 years or so when they are 30 and beyond.

Are you generally disputing that puberty blockers have side effects?

So the objection is fundamentally then to being trans gender as a whole?

It's not an 'objection', it's a concern about how this label is being applied to children.

But for most new medications the long term effects aren't known because they aren't tested for 20 years before they come onto the market.

The drs will have some idea of the effects from their usage in younger children on them for precocious puberty who may well be on them for 4 or 5 years which may well be the same length of time, or even longer, than a child taking them for gender dysphoria.

In my opinion, the bigger question is around the effects of not going through puberty but then do the children still experience a puberty if taking csh? I don't know because I don't need to know. These are questions and decisions for the relevant drs, parents and patients to ask and make.

As I said, as a patient I want to be able to have a treatment that will help my condition. I don't want a treatment to be available but I'm stopped from having it by some random people on the internet with nothing more than a Google search to base their research on.