My DD's first boyfriend is transgender and I feel weird about it.

[Milicentbystander72]

I've always been a very liberal minded person. Supported gay rights all my life. My best friend and DN are gay. I support the rights of Trans people to live their life etc.

My dd15 has a nice group of friends (boys and girls). In that group is a Trans teen (Female to Male). He changed his name in Y8, He's totally accepted as Male at school. There are no issues. He looks completely Male and people who don't know him would never think that he'd been born female. He's a nice boy who is well liked. All good.

Except last night my DD told me she's going out with him. I've surprised myself that this has unnerved me.

My dd hasn't had a BF before. She's only ever snogged one boy before at a party. She says she's 100% straight. She says she fancies the cool older boys in Sixth Form. Has teenage celebrity crushes on boys like Tom Holland etc. So how does this work for her?

Last night I told her all was fine and just to be careful they didn't damage a friendship if they broke up etc, but I didn't make a big deal of it.

Would you find this weird if your dc said they were straight? Please be honest. I'm kind of hoping it fizzles out without any drama.

I think you just have to go with it. She has chosen to like a person - their relationship matters not what bits they do or don't have. That's really a credit to you.
I haven't read the whole thread - skipped several pages to avoid the horrible transphobic comments - but intended to post exactly this. She likes this other person, as a person, so what's the problem?

All you need to be worried about is whether or not this relationship is making your DD happy. If it is, stop worrying and let her get on with it. You sound sensible enough to be able to support her if there comes a point where stupid people make unpleasant comments about the relationship - remind her that their opinions simply don't matter.

It's unlikely that any teenage relationship will go on to be a life partnership ie that there will come a point where this couple want to have a child, so don't waste time or energy stressing about that.

Really? your definitions of heterosexual and homosexual obviously differ to mine. I'm a straight woman and nothing would persuade me to have a sexual relationship with a woman, no matter how masculine she looked.

If she is 15 she probably isn't having a "sexual relationship" though. All that is happening is that she is attracted to someone who is masculine. I am attracted to some people who are very masculine too and consider myself totally heterosexual.

My daughter had a transgender boyfriend/fiancée until recently. I knew him before when he was a very butch lesbian so it wasn't a total surprise. I think he has underlying issues with being male - he is not very tall and thinks his moobs show. This is bound to have made it difficult for him to settle. I hope your lad is more comfortable with himself.

T1gerEye the age of consent doesn't mean that 15yo shouldn't be having sex with each other, it only means that adults shouldn't be having sex with them.

She won’t be gay, just brainwashed that this kid is actually a male so will see it as no different than any other heterosexual relationship.

This. Only when it becomes intimate will she know what her real orientation is. I would have concerns that peer pressure might coerce her into staying into a relationship she wasn't comfortable in. After all it's very cool to be transgender these days among certain age groups and I'd be worried that if she tried to leave the situation once realising it wasn't for her, that she'd be castigated and the word transphobic might start getting tossed about. That's what I would be keeping an eye on while being as accepting and respectful as I would be to any other friend my child had.

Oh yes, the thing about wanting 'someone who listens and understands me' (and attaching this to dreamy notions of romantic, slightly more mature boys / young men), is that it was basically a wish for a personal therapist. There is a big difference between an attempt at a mutually theraputic emotional relationship and a bit of teenage fun.

Fun is one thing. Emotional dependence is another. It is definitely worth emphasisng that relationships are supposed to be fun and never to give more of yourself than you have spare.

I wouldnt be bothered about my daughter being gay at all.

The only think I would worry about is the exposure to things like binding/testosterone etc that seems to be happening to a lot of young lesbians these days.

So being transgender is catching now? This thread has hit all the homophobic landmarks.

If she is 15 she probably isn't having a "sexual relationship" though. All that is happening is that she is attracted to someone who is masculine.

?? When I was 15 the point at which my friend became my bf was the point at which we started kissing. I really, really fancied him. We didn’t have sex until I was 16. But it was definitely a sexual relationship before that, we did everything but.

?? When I was 15 the point at which my friend became my bf was the point at which we started kissing. I really, really fancied him. We didn’t have sex until I was 16. But it was definitely a sexual relationship before that, we did everything but.

So the fact that you were in a sexual relationship at 15 means everyone else is too.

It means that teenage relationships generally involve sexual intimacy even if it’s only kissing. Otherwise they’re just friends.

Most 15 year olds are engaged in sexual activity but are not having PIV sex.

Of course some are having PIV sex and some are doing nothing whatsoever, but that is not the case for most 15 year olds.

So being transgender is catching now?

There's considerable evidence to suggest that especially amongst teenage girls, this has elements of social contagion, yes.

I think it's brilliant and it's a credit to you that you have raised such a lovely accepting girl. The next generation often have the right ideas about life.

So are you feeling weird because your daughter is in a same sex relationship? That's what this is.

Booboostwo do you think denying social contagion is actually helping anyone? The number of girls saying they're trans has sky-rocketed.

I knew him before when he was a very butch lesbian so it wasn't a total surprise.

That is a very depressing statement, that it's no surprise that butch lesbians decide to become men. What an awful state of affairs that a butch lesbian cannot be expected to find happiness as a butch lesbian but instead should head down a lifetime of medication and surgery instead.

joystir I'd be feeling weird that my DD was having a same-sex relationship with someone who is denying their sex.

I would like someone to explain to me in very simple terms just what it is that makes a teenage girl a boy.

Because at that age there will be no surgery or hormones (I hope, and also I don’t believe anyone can change sex but surgical alteration and hormones do at least make a cosmetic difference). So this is basically a baby butch lesbian and the only difference is the magic words ‘I’m a real boy’.

Why is this Pinnochio-esque religious mania being given any credence at all?

The Tavistock clinic reports a 2000% increase in biological females presenting at the clinic as trans. There are school's where 6 girls in a single class present as trans, all at once.

Yes social contagion is a thing. No, it has nothing to do with homophobia.

With sexuality, for one thing, the social pressure is the other way round - gay kids being pressured into thinking they're straight. If, in later life, they realise their sexuality isn't what they initially thought, no harm done.

Realising you're not trans after you've damaged breast tissue and ribs with binders, screwed your bone density with blockers and suffered irreversible effects of cross sex hormones - now that is a fuck of an awful legacy from teen experimentation.

So being transgender is catching now?

Yes, it appears to be. especially among teenage girls - hence the 5337% increase in referrals among that cohort to the Tavistock in less than a decade.

www.transgendertrend.com/surge-referral-rates-girls-tavistock-continues-rise/

See also Lisa Littman's study which many activists attempted to suppress:

journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0202330

CarolDanvers

"So being transgender is catching now?"

There's considerable evidence to suggest that especially amongst teenage girls, this has elements of social contagion, yes.

Absolutely agree

Thanks for everyone's thoughts on this. I'm still a bit confused about my feelings on this issue which has surprised me a bit.

Dd and I are very close. She tells me most things that are important to her (I'm certain there's things she leaves out!). Long may it continue so I'm just going to watch this play out and carrying as normal.

Rom the outside looking in I don't feel like this teen is confused or vulnerable, only going by what I've heard about him before he became the bf of course. He's not a rampant Trans Activist. From what I can gather the trans issue isn't often raised. Of course I know he's biologically female but my gut instincts are to view him as male. He doesn't want extra attention or to stand out. He hangs out with boys and girls and they just talk about teenage stuff. I don't even think he's even in the Equalities club (the LGBT school club).

I don't care if my dd is gay. I only labelled it because she always has. I do think that any sexual contact will be the crunch time.

Like I said, this is the first trans teen I've known. I always thought I'd feel rather scared for them for being so confused and vulnerable. However the reality with this child is that he just seems happy 🤷🏻‍♀️

My daughters the same age and it wouldn’t bother me at all but my daughter identifies as pansexual so it wouldn’t surprise me if she bought a male, female or tans home. She’s had one boyfriend and they are still great friends but she hasn’t dated a female or a trans but says she would if she felt a connection, I’m totally fine with this.

I think my concern would be my DD having a relationship with someone who’s head is clearly not in a good place

So most teenagers then