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Original poster

My DD's first boyfriend is transgender and I feel weird about it.

999 replies

Milicentbystander72 · 24/09/2019 08:25

I've always been a very liberal minded person. Supported gay rights all my life. My best friend and DN are gay. I support the rights of Trans people to live their life etc.

My dd15 has a nice group of friends (boys and girls). In that group is a Trans teen (Female to Male). He changed his name in Y8, He's totally accepted as Male at school. There are no issues. He looks completely Male and people who don't know him would never think that he'd been born female. He's a nice boy who is well liked. All good.

Except last night my DD told me she's going out with him. I've surprised myself that this has unnerved me.

My dd hasn't had a BF before. She's only ever snogged one boy before at a party. She says she's 100% straight. She says she fancies the cool older boys in Sixth Form. Has teenage celebrity crushes on boys like Tom Holland etc. So how does this work for her?

Last night I told her all was fine and just to be careful they didn't damage a friendship if they broke up etc, but I didn't make a big deal of it.

Would you find this weird if your dc said they were straight? Please be honest. I'm kind of hoping it fizzles out without any drama.

OP posts:
FamilyOfAliens · 26/09/2019 22:50

Why on earth would I post under a pseudonym on a board given a wide berth by the vast majority of trans people if what I was after was recognition?

I guess I was just clutching at straws trying to work out why someone would come back to a thread time and time again, despite apparently finding it so distressing.

So I’m back to thinking you must be a masochist. Or very bored.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 26/09/2019 22:50

Rufus!! Your last post - yes, it goes challenged by a lone voice on there half the time.
What happens to those lone voices?
Come onnnn..... you're a regular.
Stop pretending you don't know.
You're all best off left to it.
It comes and leaks on here though, it's heartening all the hate shit on there is the minority. Even if klaxons must go out to regulars somewhere on the tinternet

Coyoacan · 26/09/2019 22:56

Languages change organically, not by dictat, peachgreen. And I am curious about the gender neutral pronouns you say have been around since the 13th century. Are you referring to "it" or they, them and their? I'll use "they, them and their" in a job posting or suchlike where the subject is unknown.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 26/09/2019 22:58

Personally I think they err on the side of allowing free speech and let transphobia to stand
See, this is where I don't envy the mods in the slightest.
I get they want to allow debate, but how the fuck can they when both extreme ends think they're always right?!
Some stuff slips by, not quite "bad enough" to delete but definitely coming from a dodgy place.
What are they to do?!
On a parents site with genuine concerns I can see why they want free speech, and that's good but it gets abused.
So what do you do?!
No wonder they implemented a gin emoticon Grin

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 26/09/2019 22:59

Apologies peach

I thought you were talking about people not reporting stuff said on FWR, mainly because you mentioned the reporting

Not posters like yourself making comments on the threads

peachgreen · 26/09/2019 22:59

I've already said why I'm on this thread and others like it. I'll repost in case you missed it.

I stand up and protest so that any trans people reading this thread - as well as the many trans allies who are too frightened to say anything or can't be bothered to get embroiled in the nonsense - can see that not everyone on Mumsnet is a transphobe.

Not to educate, or debate (though you almost sucked me in with the linguistics, dammit) but to stand up and be counted.

FamilyOfAliens · 26/09/2019 23:06

But you just said trans people don’t come onto these boards (though how you’d know that is a mystery).

So who are you standing up for?

Trans people can’t thank you for your selflessness if they’re not here, can they?

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 26/09/2019 23:07

Unfortunately I suspect it goes unchallenged on FWR a lot, along with a whole heap of transphobia, because most trans allies have given up venturing anywhere near that board and therefore aren't there to report it. But I will always report it when I see it here

I see i didnt need to apologise as you were indeed talking about the reporting of misgendering

FWR gets reported a lot

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 26/09/2019 23:09

Whenever ive reported stuff to MNHQ ive generally found them very helpful

They usually delete but if they dont they explain very clearly why they aren’t going to delete it

It’s often because its not actually against the guidelines

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 26/09/2019 23:11

FWR gets reported a lot
Wonder why, it's a mystery so it is if that's indeed the case

OldCrone · 26/09/2019 23:11

peachgreen What is your definition of transphobia? Is it transphobic to be concerned about healthy children being prescribed drugs which will damage their bones, lower their IQ, remove their sexual function, make them sterile and prevent them from growing up to be healthy adults?

doubtingmorag · 26/09/2019 23:14

transphobe

This is a made up word. Try explaining it to your granny.

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 26/09/2019 23:18

What is your definition of transphobia

I think this varies dramatically depending on who is defining it

doubtingmorag · 26/09/2019 23:18

Is it transphobic to be concerned about healthy children being prescribed drugs which will damage their bones, lower their IQ, remove their sexual function, make them sterile and prevent them from growing up to be healthy adults?

Apparently, yes. Yes it is.

The scary thing about all of this sh!t is the insidious demoralising effect it has on society, where everyone is compelled (legally) to lie, to discard and distrust their own instincts. But so long as we don.t upset anyone...

Cantstopgrazing · 26/09/2019 23:19

If she's dating a girl, which is what a transboy is, then she's bisexual, if not gay. She certainly isn't "100% straight" as you say, even though I, personally, think 15 is too young to really know what/who you are.

Whatever a transperson wears, has cut off/added on, or takes hormones for, they remain the sex that they were born.

I think pp are correct and your dd may see this person as a safe option.

OldCrone · 26/09/2019 23:20

I know Rufus, but I want to know what peachgreen means by transphobia, and if my concern for children makes me a transphobe.

Cantstopgrazing · 26/09/2019 23:20

I think it's a confusing age, and I wouldn't want my child to be too quick to label themselves.

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 26/09/2019 23:22

old

From what ive read on the thread then yes a concern for children makes you transphobic

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 26/09/2019 23:22

But I’m sure peach will confirm her definition

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 26/09/2019 23:48

What is your definition of transphobia
Ha, what is even the point of trying to answer that as from experience, even if you point out quotes that get denied and they subsequently get deleted from others, they still won't see it?
It's literally impossible to point out transphobic comments to some.
As they just won't compute .
Which is fair enough, but it is a bit baffling to get "wargh, what did I say, I didn't say anything!"
Uhm, yes. Yes you did. Confused (Not aimed at anyone in particular, just on general)

Coyoacan · 27/09/2019 05:39

Well, in your mind is transphobia a fear or a hatred of transpeople? Because it is very unusual that anyone on here will post anything that would imply that and it gets deleted very fast.

Oddly enough, when it comes to the medical malpractice in respect of gender non-conforming children, instead of transactivists being the first to be concerned, the opposite happens. They scream transphobic and try to get everyone to shut up. Which I find to be very strange behaviour for an oppressed minority.

I personally am concerned about the health of transpeople. I hate to see people getting unnecessary and bad medicine. It seems to me that they are not getting the right psychological treatment either. Affirming is not in their interests and not in the interests of society either.

FamilyOfAliens · 27/09/2019 07:07

It's literally impossible to point out transphobic comments to some.

You don’t need to point them out to anyone. Just report them to MNHQ and they’ll be deleted. Surely that’s a more productive use of your time than trying to get people on here to agree with your ideology.

Or better still, if it’s so hideously transphobic on here that your mate peachgreen thinks trans people don’t post here anyway, just find a forum that does affirm your beliefs and post there.

peachgreen · 27/09/2019 07:20

@familyofaliens Do you not read? I've explained repeatedly why I posted here and why we're not going to be run off this board by a bunch of transphobes, as much as you'd like that. Is it not enough that FWR is an echo chamber? You want the whole site?!

I refuse to engage with the "define x" conversations because you all have access to a fucking dictionary, but Cantstopgrazing very handily came along to demonstrate exactly what transphobia is, if you get to read it before it's deleted.

I personally am concerned about the health of transpeople

That's the funniest thing I've read on this thread so far.

Birdsfoottrefoil · 27/09/2019 07:30

I suggest you look up the definition of ‘woman’, ‘misogyny’, ‘bigot’ in your dictionary

Birdsfoottrefoil · 27/09/2019 07:31

Oh, and ‘safeguarding’

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