My DD's first boyfriend is transgender and I feel weird about it.

[Milicentbystander72]

I've always been a very liberal minded person. Supported gay rights all my life. My best friend and DN are gay. I support the rights of Trans people to live their life etc.

My dd15 has a nice group of friends (boys and girls). In that group is a Trans teen (Female to Male). He changed his name in Y8, He's totally accepted as Male at school. There are no issues. He looks completely Male and people who don't know him would never think that he'd been born female. He's a nice boy who is well liked. All good.

Except last night my DD told me she's going out with him. I've surprised myself that this has unnerved me.

My dd hasn't had a BF before. She's only ever snogged one boy before at a party. She says she's 100% straight. She says she fancies the cool older boys in Sixth Form. Has teenage celebrity crushes on boys like Tom Holland etc. So how does this work for her?

Last night I told her all was fine and just to be careful they didn't damage a friendship if they broke up etc, but I didn't make a big deal of it.

Would you find this weird if your dc said they were straight? Please be honest. I'm kind of hoping it fizzles out without any drama.

There is obviously transphobia on mumsnet as there is sexism, ageism, homophobia etc

Mumsnet do delete what they think is transphobic, but sometimes either because no one reports or it doesn’t fit MNHQs definition of transphobia it gets missed

Even if klaxons must go out to regulars somewhere on the tinternet

I have seen some names on this thread posting about concerns relating to puberty blockers etc that I have never seen on FWR. Which heartens me because it suggests it’s not just the scary coven of feminists who are seeing the cracks in the glitter. As to a klaxon - I saw a thread near the top of AIBU on a topic that, for all the reasons I’ve already stated, I find worrying so of course I read and then posted on it. I’d imagine most of the FWR regulars who are on here did the same.

what is even the point of trying to answer that
There’s that convenient excuse again. We all see through it. It simply means “I don’t actually have an answer that stands up to even rudimentary critical analysis or intellectual rigour so I’m going to claim it’s YOUR fault for, umm, being transphobes and bigots and for daring to have researched this, and therefore for having an answer or a question that I can’t refute or respond to with anything other than meaningless rhetoric designed to shut down debate so I can make a dignified escape before any more holes appear in my ‘logic’”.

Want to get back to me on those post-transition suicide stats yet? Or describe the pathologies being treated by off-label prescription of puberty blockers?

Not sure what Can'tstop wrote that's been interpreted as 'phobic'

I think peachgreen falls into the all too common category of people who think saying "human beings can't change sex" is transphobic.
It's helpful to know they think this, IMO.

Cantstopgrazing very handily came along to demonstrate exactly what transphobia is, if you get to read it before it's deleted.

Eh? Do you mean the post at 23:19? That is literally just describing biology. In what twisted Upside Down is stating a biological fact hatred or bigotry? Where does Cantstopgrazing wish harm on the OP’s friend? Where is her stated intention to deny this young person their rights? Cantstopgrazing doesn’t even refer to them as “she”, FFS. She has said if you’re born a girl, you’re a girl. Which is true. And as this young trans man is under 16, they are legally as well as biologically a girl since they can’t possibly have a GRC yet so it is true in law.

So by the demonstration of your definition, anyone stating a biological truth which could be uncomfortable for some people to read because it’s not what they want to pretend, or anyone refusing to be compelled into lying about something that is a basic biological fact is transphobic. Gotcha.

That’s quite some police state you have going on in your head.

My thoughts exactly, tit.
And I hope it does stand because anything else is policing of stating biological fact.

And that's biologyphobic...

Yes, I do read, peachgreen and please don’t @ me as I’m on the thread in between working.

I know you’re here because you seem to feel you have a calling to purge mumsnet of transphobia.

But you seem to hate it here so much I can’t imagine what you get out of it.

And the reason people ask for your definitions is because trans activists have redefined the meanings of words in dictionaries to support their ideology. So it’s useful for posters to know whether you are of the “woman = adult human female” variety or the “woman = anyone who says they are” variety.

Even if klaxons must go out to regulars somewhere on the internet

There’s a klaxon?

It's helpful to know they think this, IMO

It is very helpful

And the reason people ask for your definitions is because trans activists have redefined the meanings of words in dictionaries to support their ideology. So it’s useful for posters to know whether you are of the “woman = adult human female” variety or the “woman = anyone who says they are” variety.

The reasons people ask for definitions is because they want to distract from the OP and take the argument down another well trodden route. I was asked to give the benefits of puberty blockers for the same reason. If people don't want to be distracted which is often because don't have hours to spend they are accused of shutting down debate. Getting the last word because you have time to spend all day posting doesn't mean that you have won the debate.

There's that convenient excuse again
No, not an excuse as I've answered this on the past.
Even if MN automatically deletes on report, posters still moan and say there's nothing wrong with it
So if they don't even know what it is when it's been pointed out and deleted as well, what's the actual point if a lot of posters refuse to admit or see what's under their nose or what they're doing?!
They won't or can't see it.

It’s only a well-trodden route because there have never been any responses to those questions that aren’t “you’re all transphobic”, “look it up in your own fucking dictionary”, “there’s no point trying to debate with you”, etc.

If someone just gives their definitions so people know what sort of mindset they’re engaging with, it would save us all some time.

Ooh another bingo square called off - as in please don't @ me.
Go to settings and turn it off that way you won't get the email notifications.

No, it’s just email notifications from a thread I’m already on.

Is it really such a hardship not to @ someone who’s asked you to stop?

It’s only a well-trodden route because there have never been any responses to those questions that aren’t “you’re all transphobic”, “look it up in your own fucking dictionary”, “there’s no point trying to debate with you”, etc.

People respond to those questions all the time. And before you ask, no I'm not going to spend hours finding all the responses and posting them for you.

People respond to those questions all the time.

And yet somehow fail to answer them.

It’s yours and peachgreen’s definitions that are being asked for, not other people’s, because you’re the one on this thread who is saying that stating biological facts is transphobic.

Repeatedly I see on threads like this, and on the FWR board " I want trans people to be treated with dignity but..."

As someone else said on a thread the other day, to discover what a person really thinks only read the statement after the but.

How is it treating someone with dignity if you repeatedly misgender them because you've decided that you will label them as you see fit?

How is it treating someone with dignity because you've decided that it is your moral duty to constantly state what you consider to be a biological reality? Do you feel the same compulsion to constantly tell other people their biological realities? Do you point out to people that they are fat or disabled? Both biological realities aren't they? If you don't why don't you?

I cannot imagine how it must feel to realise that you are trans. I can't imagine how it feels to try and exist in society so I don't think it's my place to start telling trans people what medical management they can and cannot have, what is and isn't safe. That's a discussion for them to have with their Dr.

I take off label medication and I'm immensely grateful to my Dr for prescribing it. I understand the risks and potential complications and I accept them because otherwise my life is miserable. I don't want some misguided keyboard warrior to come along and decide that they know my life better than me and therefore have the right to decide what treatment I'm allowed to have.

stating biological facts is transphobic

Well at least people know

So when those posters say that transphobia is rife at least i know what they mean and why they are offended by someones post

Its the not knowing, asking a question and being told that i must know and and im just being dense that i really object to

(No one has called me dense...i just feel dense when i don’t understand what someone is saying )

I've never said stating biological facts is transphobic.

Well said decomposing

I asked for peachgreen's definition of transphobia because they said that FWR was full of it. The issue of unnecessary and damaging medication being given to children comes up quite a lot over there, so I was wondering if that was being viewed as transphobia by the people who are throwing that accusation around.

Is concern about children being given unnecessary and untested medication transphobic?

And this is relevant to this thread because the 'boy' in the OP might be one of those children. I would be very concerned about the wellbeing of that child and if they have been told that they can change sex.

How is it treating someone with dignity because you've decided that it is your moral duty to constantly state what you consider to be a biological reality?

Biology is science. It deals with facts, not opinions.

My mate peachgreen?!
FFS lol that's the mentality you deal with on this topic - a good example there.
More than one lone voice so we must be in cahoots or bezzie mates or summat lol
You realise you're not on FWR now right?
More people likely to call this type of shite out.