My DD's first boyfriend is transgender and I feel weird about it.

[Milicentbystander72]

I've always been a very liberal minded person. Supported gay rights all my life. My best friend and DN are gay. I support the rights of Trans people to live their life etc.

My dd15 has a nice group of friends (boys and girls). In that group is a Trans teen (Female to Male). He changed his name in Y8, He's totally accepted as Male at school. There are no issues. He looks completely Male and people who don't know him would never think that he'd been born female. He's a nice boy who is well liked. All good.

Except last night my DD told me she's going out with him. I've surprised myself that this has unnerved me.

My dd hasn't had a BF before. She's only ever snogged one boy before at a party. She says she's 100% straight. She says she fancies the cool older boys in Sixth Form. Has teenage celebrity crushes on boys like Tom Holland etc. So how does this work for her?

Last night I told her all was fine and just to be careful they didn't damage a friendship if they broke up etc, but I didn't make a big deal of it.

Would you find this weird if your dc said they were straight? Please be honest. I'm kind of hoping it fizzles out without any drama.

So I’ve worked out the reason behind some of these deletions. We are not allowed to express the belief that taking hormones is s sign a child might not be well balanced.
How utterly obscene.
You will not control my thoughts, you wankers, and you will not make me as deranged as you clearly are.

I’m aghast at “We are not allowed to express the belief ..” whatever the second part of the sentence is.

Is this really true, @MNHQ? Is this another example of “Why can’t you all just be kind?”

Well given there is nothing physically wrong with these children (or at least not before they start taking hormones), they must either be mentally unwell or terribly mislead and deceived.

No, didn’t you get the memo? It’s just like getting your ears pierced.
This is what MNHQ believes, it seems. Clearly the bottom of the barrel has been well and truly dredged in the last mod recruitment round,

When I reported you Lloyd it was for misgendering. Which is against the Talk guidelines. How you all can complain about the MNHQ mods when they allow your poisonous discourse to continue on this site I don't know. Personally I think they err on the side of allowing free speech and leave a lot of transphobia to stand.

We don’t misgender since we don’t believe that people should be referred to based on sex stereotypes. We do what people have always done and use language in its correct way; pronouns refer to sex.

‘Transphobia’ simply means ‘heretic’ these days ie people who do not belief in transideology.

We don’t misgender since we don’t believe that people should be referred to based on sex stereotypes.

Misgendering also encourages vulnerable groups like children to accept the lie that they can change sex, moving them towards off-licence use of puberty blockers that renders their healthy bodies dysfunctional.

Imagine allowing yourself to get as angry as @LloydBraun over someone else's life. Ooft.

Well, if you want to continue doing so you'll have to so it elsewhere because it's against the Talk Guidelines. Unfortunately I suspect it goes unchallenged on FWR a lot, along with a whole heap of transphobia, because most trans allies have given up venturing anywhere near that board and therefore aren't there to report it. But I will always report it when I see it here.

peachgreen

Why are you still here?

You’ve said there’s no point discussing anything because everyone here is a bigot, you find the threads “poisonous”,you find it so distressing when someone correctly identifies a person’s sex that you report their post - I mean, why bother? Surely there are sites that are more validating of trans ideology that would suit you better?

Well, if you want to continue doing so you'll have to so it elsewhere because it's against the Talk Guidelines

The guidelines are just that, guidelines, the misgendering one is not a set rule, it's based on respect of the person being talked about.

The moderators make a judgement on this:

For example Yaniv is a man, so is McKinnon.

These are fine to correctly sex because they are horrible people.

Unfortunately I suspect it goes unchallenged on FWR a lot, along with a whole heap of transphobia, because most trans allies have given up venturing anywhere near that board and therefore aren't there to report it. But I will always report it when I see it here.

I was once an instinctive trans ally but it’s the actual debate that goes on that board that changed my mind. Puberty blockers for children and women’s sport were the tipping points.

Last night, Australian time, woodchuck circled around my dislike of puberty blockers which I object to because in this setting they are off-license, have profound long-term effects on bone density and cognition and render a healthy child’s body dysfunctional.

I was accused of not objecting to all use of drugs in children so therefore my true agenda was showing . I replied that I was happy to extend my ire to other drugs used off-licence on healthy children’s bodies to render them dysfunctional and . There have been arguments in support of puberty blockers on this thread but no one can say why

You’re right, we’re intelligent educated women who can read and interpret studies and research and FWR actually backs their arguments up. Coyly staring that my “true agenda” is showing and calling me names isn’t going to work but the research articles might.

If you want to change our minds you’re going to have to lift your game and explain why.

I think I've made that very clear. When transphobia leaks off FWR I challenge and report it. I like the rest of MN and I'm not going to be chased off by bigots. I'm also not going to sit back and let the whole site turn into a haven for transphobes without at least trying to do something about it.

If you want to change our minds you’re going to have to lift your game and explain why.

Changing your minds is a) impossible and b) not my aim. Quite frankly I'm not interested in transphobed or what they think (although I pray your children never experience any gender dysphoria). I stand up and protest so that any trans people reading this thread - as well as the many trans allies who are too frightened to say anything or can't be bothered to get embroiled in the nonsense - can see that not everyone on Mumsnet is a transphobe.

peachgreen, I don't know how old you are but the English language has been around for hundreds of years and I have been around for seventy of them. Pronouns are there for a reason and I will always use them correctly. Not because I wish any harm to anyone but because words have meanings and I do not think anyone is benefitted by pretending they don't.

So, example:
Karen white is a man who rapes women with his penis. He was in a woman prison.

This stands because he's horrible.

The following stands because of chosen pronouns:

Miranda Yardley is a man.

Even though it shouldn't stand, but does as he is fine with being called a man.

I'm not interested in transphobed or what they think

Well it's obvious you don't care, clearly.

Oh good grief, don't give me that "English language has been around for hundreds of years" shit. I studied linguistics. Not only does language change constantly, gender neutral pronouns have been around since the 13th century or thereabouts and over half of the languages in the world don't even have gender-specific pronouns.

Changing your minds is a) impossible and b) not my aim.

But I started off on your side. Puberty blockers and sport are the tipping point for many, IMO. I thought my position was firmly entrenched but well-thought out reasoning and research changed my mind. Under my old user name I argued the pro-trans stance vehemently. And you know what? No one called me names either.

I am politically left-wing and social liberal. My children are being brought up GC. If they came to me and said they were trans I would be massively supportive and would keep them as far away from our local gender clinic as possible.

I get it now, peachgreen - you’re after recognition from trans people for the amazing job you’re doing of hunting down women who don’t agree with you. Do any trans people ever thank you for the selfless task you’ve chosen to undertake?

Why on earth would I post under a pseudonym on a board given a wide berth by the vast majority of trans people if what I was after was recognition? Come off it.

Unfortunately I suspect it goes unchallenged on FWR a lot,

Exactly the opposite

Well s said peachgreen - just tried to add a post of my own but lost it as connection playing up- agree with all you're saying and I'll continue to do the same and have (finally!) realised there's no discussion with some.

Thanks @WotchaTalkinBoutWillis. Honestly, it was brave of you to try. I learnt the hard way on some very tough threads (where, contrary to nosurprises experience, I was indeed called a lot of names!)

Why on earth would I post under a pseudonym on a board given a wide berth by the vast majority of trans people if what I was after was recognition? Come off it.

Well then if your aim is to educate women then you need to up your game. Don’t resort to name calling when reasonable concerns are being discussed about puberty blockers. #nodebate isn’t working for women like me.