My DD's first boyfriend is transgender and I feel weird about it.

[Milicentbystander72]

I've always been a very liberal minded person. Supported gay rights all my life. My best friend and DN are gay. I support the rights of Trans people to live their life etc.

My dd15 has a nice group of friends (boys and girls). In that group is a Trans teen (Female to Male). He changed his name in Y8, He's totally accepted as Male at school. There are no issues. He looks completely Male and people who don't know him would never think that he'd been born female. He's a nice boy who is well liked. All good.

Except last night my DD told me she's going out with him. I've surprised myself that this has unnerved me.

My dd hasn't had a BF before. She's only ever snogged one boy before at a party. She says she's 100% straight. She says she fancies the cool older boys in Sixth Form. Has teenage celebrity crushes on boys like Tom Holland etc. So how does this work for her?

Last night I told her all was fine and just to be careful they didn't damage a friendship if they broke up etc, but I didn't make a big deal of it.

Would you find this weird if your dc said they were straight? Please be honest. I'm kind of hoping it fizzles out without any drama.

I'm not, use what the hell you like.
Just on this thread from some of "nope, nowt to see here, doesn't happen, we're just concerned" I was just saying it's obvious there's more to it than that....

Cross posted, that was to juells 10.30 post

I'm not, use what the hell you like.

Oh yes you are 😂 "use anything you like, but if you use 'they' I'll wag my finger at you and tell you you're a nasty bigot"

OP I can see how a teenage girl could pass as a boy. Some girls ARE really masculine in appearance and also their demeanor, it's true. Some boys are really feminine looking and it's only when they become actual men that you can really tell the difference between some boys and some girls. Iyswim!
You're right it's not your place to worry about this girl, but taking testosterone as a 15 year old girl is very bad news health wise and I would worry like hell if I was her mum.
Again, I don't see a problem with your daughter dating this girl who passes as a boy AT ALL. People are people.
But I do think there us some confusion among people generally about "transition" and just how realistically anyone can do that. Surgery and hormones are never going to change someone's sex, and cause a world of pain, so I mainly worry for girls who genuinely believe that it's achievable.
I suppose from a feminist point of view I also worry that, apparently, there is a huge rise in the numbers of girls who don't want to be girls anymore and I question why that is. I WANT girls to be able to be masculine /feminine/happy in their bodies.
You do sound like a good mum and I hope you continue to have a good, open relationship with your daughter, as that's so important.

For anyone who thinks posters are faking concern about the impact of hormones on teenagers, have a look at this documentary about a young Swedish FtoM transitioner. It's quite heart-rending. Teenagers who are considered too young to marry or vote are being pushed into life-changing decisions about their gender. By adults who should know better.

I dont give a shit a bout stuff like honestly would not bother me 1 bit.... but my daughters father would stuggle with it he would find it stange i think it a hormal rection op .

Another one who thinks OP has handled this very well, despite having some concerns/questions. I hope other posters take note of your good example.

My partner is trans, we’ve been together since I was 18 (now 28), being trans doesn’t automatically turn someone in to a Jessica Yaniv type crazy person and if the daughter’s “boyfriend” is a good person and they’re happy then that’s all that matters.

It’s natural to feel weird about the relationship too, it’s clearly unexpected and is a difficult thing to try and get your head around.

The thing I’d worry about isn’t anything to do with their relationship but the way other people will judge and view (sad really) and how this might make her feel as there will be people who absolutely have to make their feelings known about it.

The thing I’d worry about isn’t anything to do with their relationship but the way other people will judge and view

Do people still judge and view? That used to be the argument against mix-race marriage. We cannot live our lives according to how other people judge and view.

Personally I have no problem with individual trans people, I don't agree with some of their ideas but the world is full of people I don't agree with 100%.

No, we can’t live our lives according to others judgement but OP’s daughter is young and people can be hurtful. It would be a shame if her memories of her first relationship were tainted with criticism and insults.

Hopefully that won’t happen to her.

Do people still judge and view

Um..... yes, yes they do.
Have you not visited the FWR board?
No wait....yeah.
Nobody's got an opinion or their judgy pants on on this thread either.
Erm... Ok lol

Hopefully if he passes as well as the OP thinks then there won’t be much public judgement

I think what would worry me in the op’s position is whether my dd was acting as she is not through free choice but due to the social pressure which exists now to accept asserted gender over sex or be smeared as a bigot

I completely agree, and find the comments saying how wonderful it is the OPs dd has such an inclusive attitude to dating absolutely bonkers!

I think as long as the OP keeps the lines of communication open and talks to her dd about some of the issues in a general manner hopefully any issues that come up she will be able to nip in the bud

Sounds like dd is open to talking to her mum, so that’s definitely a bomus

Year 11?
I don't think I'd be very happy. Mainly because if it's your first relationship / soon to be sexual experience, then having it with someone who is on their own very very difficult path, the year when you should be focusing on GCSE's, isn't ideal.

I would worry that if the OP’s DD ended the relationship for any reason, she would be labelled as transphobic.

Look how glibly people on this thread have rolled out that insult simply when people have different views to theirs.

I would worry that if the OP’s DD ended the relationship for any reason, she would be labelled as transphobic.

I think you're worrying unnecessarily, given the information OP has provided.

I think you're worrying unnecessarily, given the information OP has provided.

I hope so. Trans ideology is so full of illogicality that its tempting to feel anything is a possibility.

Eh? Why was I deleted? Jesus Christ. What even are the rules now - or do we even have rules anymore?
I think lady hale needs to make some more new law. She’s terribly good at it.

Yes I would find it weird tbh and I’d worry about my 15yr old child getting mixed up with a really vulnerable child going through a lot and who belongs to a minority with a higher rate of self harm, mh issues and such a high suicide rate. At 15 and going through exams etc in a year or so? No, I’d rather not.

But OP has said that, as far as she can tell, this teen is happy and comfortable with himself, and a nice kid who is making her DD happy. She knows both the teens concerned. She also appears to know her DD's friendship group. So all this waa, waaa, all the worst things you think of when you think of Evil Trans Ideology are almost certainly irrelevant - and are simple bigotry. Yes, bigotry. Because some of you are insisting that everything bad you have ever heard of about trans people must apply to this teenager because this teenager is trans. And that's bigotry by definition - the person is a member of X group, I disapprove of X group because I believe or know bad things about individuals in X group... so every member of X group is equally bad.

Agreed @ReanimatedSGB, my daughters ex is a perfectly well adjusted human, doing well at school, happy etc. He just happens to be trans. My dd hasn’t had any fall out for ending the relationship, there have been occasional mean comments but nothing they didn’t handle, and she certainly wasn’t somehow pressured into dating him?!. It really isn’t as dramatic as some posters want it to be.

Forgive me, but I find it hard to accept that someone who is taking hormones to approximate to the other sex is entirely well balanced.
I know we’re under pressure from all sides to see this as neutral and harmless activity but it really isn’t.

LloydBraun, do you get your undies in a bundle about people who have tattoos, piercings or cosmetic surgery, as well? What about hair dye, or unusual clothes? Or people who change their names?