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Original poster

My DD's first boyfriend is transgender and I feel weird about it.

999 replies

Milicentbystander72 · 24/09/2019 08:25

I've always been a very liberal minded person. Supported gay rights all my life. My best friend and DN are gay. I support the rights of Trans people to live their life etc.

My dd15 has a nice group of friends (boys and girls). In that group is a Trans teen (Female to Male). He changed his name in Y8, He's totally accepted as Male at school. There are no issues. He looks completely Male and people who don't know him would never think that he'd been born female. He's a nice boy who is well liked. All good.

Except last night my DD told me she's going out with him. I've surprised myself that this has unnerved me.

My dd hasn't had a BF before. She's only ever snogged one boy before at a party. She says she's 100% straight. She says she fancies the cool older boys in Sixth Form. Has teenage celebrity crushes on boys like Tom Holland etc. So how does this work for her?

Last night I told her all was fine and just to be careful they didn't damage a friendship if they broke up etc, but I didn't make a big deal of it.

Would you find this weird if your dc said they were straight? Please be honest. I'm kind of hoping it fizzles out without any drama.

OP posts:
OwlBeThere · 25/09/2019 09:37

@FamilyOfAliens I was speaking specifically about my DD with that comment, I thought that was clear from the context. I don’t at all think the OP is wrong or bad to be a bit weirded out, we are all different and sometimes it takes some adjustment to things. The OP clearly loves her child and I’ve no doubt all will be well.

peachgreen · 25/09/2019 09:39

Sad that being a butch lesbian is no longer acceptable in this homophobic world.

Oh, give over. Trans men are not butch lesbians. The two can, and do, co-exist.

woodchuck99 · 25/09/2019 09:39

Sad that being a butch lesbian is no longer acceptable in this homophobic world.

More fake concern. I

woodchuck99 · 25/09/2019 09:42

The two transgender men I know like men rather than women so certainly aren't "butch lesbians". The lesbians I know (including DD) do not wish to be men whether or not they are "butch".

woodchuck99 · 25/09/2019 09:43

Fake concern?

Yes, fake concern because your agenda has nothing to do with the welfare of children.

SarahTancredi · 25/09/2019 09:45
Hmm
WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 25/09/2019 09:46

The two can and do exist
Exactly. It doesn't have to be an either or situation.
Cos shock, horror, everyone is different.

Juells · 25/09/2019 09:53

The two transgender men I know like men rather than women so certainly aren't "butch lesbians".

You're right, they're heterosexual women.

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 25/09/2019 09:54

Yes, fake concern because your agenda has nothing to do with the welfare of children

You can believe that someones concern is misplaced

But i doubt very much its fake

I am concerned about the welfare of children, my friends child in particular although they seem temporarily to have halted their medical transition and are getting on with their life the way they want to and are happy to. They are an adult now and may continue medically as such in the future

woodchuck99 · 25/09/2019 09:57

But i doubt very much its fake

I very much doubt that it is genuine.

OwlBeThere · 25/09/2019 09:57

My DD plays football with at least 3 girls who are ‘butch lesbians’ and literally nobody is saying they can’t exist.
Literally nobody is saying that being a girl who likes cars and bikes and short hair makes you trans.
Literally nobody is saying these things.

Whocutdownthecherrytree · 25/09/2019 10:01

Well I think you are just showing your true colours. Equal rights for transgender people except for those dating my daughter. Your not as open minded as you think you are. Your prejudice is showing. See this as an opportunity to grow. Not question or feel the need to label your daughters sexuality

woodchuck99 · 25/09/2019 10:01

My DD plays football with at least 3 girls who are ‘butch lesbians’ and literally nobody is saying they can’t exist.

I agree. Few people would tell a "butch" lesbian that they can't exist but as evidenced by this thread plenty would tell transgender people that they can't exist so the idea that it is more easy to be transgender than lesbian is fairly ridiculous.

Juells · 25/09/2019 10:06

plenty would tell transgender people that they can't exist

Of course they exist. This is the usual hyperbole. Parents are entitled to worry about children setting off on a path that will lead to life-long medication and surgery, though.

Endofthedays · 25/09/2019 10:06

The OP is not proposing to take the young person’s rights away, Cherrytree.

None of us have a right to someone else’s approval.

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 25/09/2019 10:06

I very much doubt that it is genuine.

Oh thats the proper way round Grin

But again, its another way of shutting people down

Personally id rather think that your concern is misplaced...rather than youre a liar and you dont give a shiny shit about children

That’s obviously our different outlooks though...glass half empty stuff Smile

(Though as someone pointed out the other day...the glass is always full...of air)

woodchuck99 · 25/09/2019 10:14

Personally id rather think that your concern is misplaced...rather than youre a liar and you dont give a shiny shit about children

I'd rather think that too but you only have to read the posts by some posters to realise that the main motivation is that they don't want men to treated as women under any circumstances rather than genuine concern for any child.

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 25/09/2019 10:15

Rufus -
Are you talking about your child's friend singular, or plural?
As you say child but then go on to say they.....
If it's more than one, fair enough but I've seen that used a lot on FWR from posters - people say they in order to dodge round the guidelines - still get to repeatedly misgender
If that's not what you were doing, fair enough and as you were then....

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 25/09/2019 10:25

wotcha

Its nobody’s business on here whether the child was born male or female

Juells · 25/09/2019 10:26

people say they in order to dodge round the guidelines - still get to repeatedly misgender

So even when posters comply with the guidelines they're going to be criticised? Nothing but complete capitulation is acceptable. I will not use compelled speech. I will not pretend to believe that people can change sex. I will not pretend that it is acceptable for adults to push for children to put on puberty blockers, in preparation for lifelong hormones and surgery. Why are adults so invested in children's sexuality?

WotchaTalkinBoutWillis · 25/09/2019 10:27

I know it's not and I don't care whether you meant male or female.
I just found your use of they interesting as it's used a lot by posters for the reason I said

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 25/09/2019 10:28

Well now you know wotcha

SirVixofVixHall · 25/09/2019 10:29

So this under age child could be already on cross sex hormones ?

Juells · 25/09/2019 10:30

I just found your use of they interesting as it's used a lot by posters for the reason I said

...and I'll continue to use 'they' if I want to. Stop trying to compel everyone to use the speech you think is appropriate.

RufusthebewiIderedreindeer · 25/09/2019 10:31

The ironic thing is that if i had used he or she no one would have any idea whether i was misgendering them or not

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