My DD's first boyfriend is transgender and I feel weird about it.

[Milicentbystander72]

I've always been a very liberal minded person. Supported gay rights all my life. My best friend and DN are gay. I support the rights of Trans people to live their life etc.

My dd15 has a nice group of friends (boys and girls). In that group is a Trans teen (Female to Male). He changed his name in Y8, He's totally accepted as Male at school. There are no issues. He looks completely Male and people who don't know him would never think that he'd been born female. He's a nice boy who is well liked. All good.

Except last night my DD told me she's going out with him. I've surprised myself that this has unnerved me.

My dd hasn't had a BF before. She's only ever snogged one boy before at a party. She says she's 100% straight. She says she fancies the cool older boys in Sixth Form. Has teenage celebrity crushes on boys like Tom Holland etc. So how does this work for her?

Last night I told her all was fine and just to be careful they didn't damage a friendship if they broke up etc, but I didn't make a big deal of it.

Would you find this weird if your dc said they were straight? Please be honest. I'm kind of hoping it fizzles out without any drama.

I don’t think the OP is coming back.

If you do,OP, I agree with other posters here who have said what a great mum you are.

Your daughter is prepared to talk to you about her personal life, prepared to listen to you. And you’re making the effort to think through what she might be going through so you can help her.

Whatever happens with your daughter’s future relationships, she’s lucky to have someone there to help her who she clearly trusts.

Non bigots don't feel the need to give their opinion to someone who is transgender and accepts them the way they are. Bigots feel the need to tell them they are wrong and can't do what makes them happy.

And yet only one of these groups end goals argues for body multilation.

People who are happy dont need reality hidden at severe costs physically to themselves and others like them.

What you want is for discussion on the subject to be silenced
No I don't at all.

"Be who you are, by changing what you are"

And yet only one of these groups end goals argues for body multilation.

Thinking that what other people choose to do with their own bodies is none of my business is not arguing for body mutilation.

Non bigots don't feel the need to give their opinion to someone who is transgender and accepts them the way they are. Bigots feel the need to tell them they are wrong and can't do what makes them happy.

And not just tell them they are wrong but call them deceitful liars.

What woodchuck said at 09.07
(Sorry on phone and can't link on there)

Thinking that what other people choose to do with their own bodies is none of my business is not arguing for body mutilation.

As a group.

Children from 2 up being told their bodies are wrong and they need changing to fit stereotypes should be everyone's business.

What fully informed adults do to their own bodies is up to them.

So I’ll happily let a racist blurb on because its what they truly believe?

Are you seriously comparing trans people with racists here? My God, the hypocrisy.

*So if we discuss here we are bigots and should stay in FWR.

But if we remain in the "echo chamber" it's also wrong, because it too pro woman.*

No, wherever you are, you're bigots. I've just accepted that you've overtaken FWR to the point that there's not much point anyone who doesn't share your opinions going there (though I very much admire those who still try).

The "echo chamber" is not pro-woman. It is pro-natal woman. So long as they share your anti-trans views.

Thanks Endofdays

I did follow up a few posts way earlier in the thread. Yesterday was a very busy work day for me so couldn't catch up.

It's a very interesting debate. I do feel like a lot of it is reading things into the situation that isn't really there.

Why did I/do I feel 'weird' about it? Well, probably from the fact that dd has always said she likes boys, wants to get married eventually, has always fantasied about older boy film stars, even 'men' like Benedict Cumberbatch etc. She l's fancied bits at school and snogged one at a party etc. This is what she tells me.
She says she's 'going out' with this trans boy, says she's given it some thought and is happy with it (for now). She knows he's biologically female. I think this contradiction just made me feel a bit weird.

It's the first time in my life that something I thought I was principled about (GC) has come into my sphere in real life. I'm afraid I do think if him as a boy. Believe me, he can definitely pass. He's not a butch lesbian. He doesn't just wear boyish clothes. He just acts and looks 100% boyish. I couldn't pick him out as different to his Male peers. He's not an activist. He's not shouting about a trans ideology. He's just a boy. He seems a very 'normal' teenager.

Sorry if that upsets anyone to say it. It surprises me how I think of him like this so easily like this but I do. I can't help it.

I don't know his parents well but I believe he is taking testosterone. Only from things I've heard from dd. It might be hard to believe but his trans 'status' isn't really a huge talking point amoungst the school and his friends. Worrying about him isn't my job. I'm sure his parents are nice people. He seems very stable and happy (although I'm sure lots of you won't believe me)

I'm sorry if this doesn't fit in with how a lot of you want me to think about this. I am a bit confused in fairness but as I said earlier, I'm just going to see what happens. I don't honestly think this is the romance of the century.

Thanks for letting me discuss anyway. It's always different when it's in real life and the trans person is a very real child who just wants to get on with life.

Peachgreen - Ooh, you went there lol. I was letting that one slide for a minute whilst I tried to formulate a response and stop shaking my head in disbelief
I mean, what?! Surely a more accurate comparison would be to transphobic comments from people and racist comments from people......
Just...
Yikes
(Sorry I seem to have turned into Scooby Doo, I'll prolly be saying zoinks next )

The "echo chamber" is not pro-woman. It is pro-natal woman.

'Natal women'? You mean 'women'? Why shouldn't a Women's Rights board be about women's rights?

@Milicentbystander72 I really admire your perspective on this and I'm glad your daughter has you to guide her through her teenage years (which are always tricky regardless!).

I'm sorry I've been part of this thread being derailed - it's for the sake of young people like your DD's boyfriend that I feel I can't allow transphobia to go unchallenged.

@Milicentbystander72
You sound like a lovely mum, your daughter's lucky to have you looking out for her

Cross posted with peach -
Same, that's like me too.

'Natal women'? You mean 'women'? Why shouldn't a Women's Rights board be about women's rights?

No, I mean natal women. I'd love it if the Women's Rights board was, in fact, about women's rights. But until it includes trans women and their allies, it won't be.

Actually there is alot of racism in trans activism.

That's not to say that individuals are racist, they probably honestly haven't made the connection. Why would they when they arent like that. But the ideology and activism itself involves alot if racism

He's not a butch lesbian

Sad that being a butch lesbian is no longer acceptable in this homophobic world.

Children from 2 up being told their bodies are wrong and they need changing to fit stereotypes should be everyone's business.

2 year olds are being told that they need to change their bodies and are certainly not being operated on so spare us your fake concern for children.

2 year olds are not being told that they need to change their bodies and are certainly not being operated on so spare us your fake concern for children.

No, I mean natal women. I'd love it if the Women's Rights board was, in fact, about women's rights. But until it includes trans women and their allies, it won't be.

Trans women are not women. I don't understand why there's anything controversial about saying that. It's a biological fact.

Fake concern?

So implanting the ideas are on because no one operates on children? But those three year olds being seen at the tavistock dont grow up to he the 13 and 14 year olds drs are performing mastectomies on?