My DD's first boyfriend is transgender and I feel weird about it.

[Milicentbystander72]

I've always been a very liberal minded person. Supported gay rights all my life. My best friend and DN are gay. I support the rights of Trans people to live their life etc.

My dd15 has a nice group of friends (boys and girls). In that group is a Trans teen (Female to Male). He changed his name in Y8, He's totally accepted as Male at school. There are no issues. He looks completely Male and people who don't know him would never think that he'd been born female. He's a nice boy who is well liked. All good.

Except last night my DD told me she's going out with him. I've surprised myself that this has unnerved me.

My dd hasn't had a BF before. She's only ever snogged one boy before at a party. She says she's 100% straight. She says she fancies the cool older boys in Sixth Form. Has teenage celebrity crushes on boys like Tom Holland etc. So how does this work for her?

Last night I told her all was fine and just to be careful they didn't damage a friendship if they broke up etc, but I didn't make a big deal of it.

Would you find this weird if your dc said they were straight? Please be honest. I'm kind of hoping it fizzles out without any drama.

no one would question that he was male in the street.
Which is purely down to dress and hairstyle, then, i.e. sexism.

@drspouse...and he is post-puberty. As is my dd. They are 15/16. So your assumptions again about a prepubescent child with short hair’ are just that, assumptions. And wrong ones at that.

@drspouse you seem to know an awful lot about someone you’ve never met. He could wear a dress and people would think he was a boy in a dress. The same as my sons would look like boys in dresses. But anyway, other people’s sexist assumptions, should they exist aren’t any concern of my daughters or mine. I only mentioned his passing in the context of hormones and binders.

They are a lot more fluid than our generation, I know lots of my DD's friends have had both male and female partners over the years, so far only one is actually gay the rest now have established hetro relationships. (Now all 20+)

He could wear a dress and people would think he was a boy in a dress.
I seriously doubt that. Men's and women's bodies look different.
But what I said was that a girl can look like a prepubescent boy. She cannot look like a post puberty boy.

These teenagers are people, not point-scoring devices for adult bigots.

Looks like the word “bigot” is going the way of “transphobe” - meaningless through over-use.

Yawn - bigot. For pointing out that a physical female who ‘feels’ male is still a physical female.

@drspouse you can doubt what you like, I’ve no reason to say it if it’s not true. Men’s and women’s bodies look different generally yes, but as in anything there is massive individual variation. I know many girls who have a more typically masculine shape, wider shoulders, smaller hips, small breasts.
Anyway, as I’ve said repeatedly it doesn’t even matter. I only mentioned it in a specific context.
At the end of the day, they were two kids learning about love together. That’s all that matters.

At the end of the day, they were two kids learning about love together. That’s all that matters.

Clearly not all that matters to the OP, otherwise she wouldn’t have posted for advice.

Looks like the word “bigot” is going the way of “transphobe” - meaningless through over-use.

Gosh, I wonder why you've heard those words so often?

Gosh, I wonder why you've heard those words so often?

Because the people who use them don’t have the intelligence to use them correctly.

Cos it’s become standard shut down to queries?

Gosh, I wonder why you've heard those words so often?

so people like you throw the word around. Make out you are all so nice and kind and everyone else is a bigot. But its people like you who are lying to children like these. You are the adults who they trust and respect and you are putting them in danger by lying to them. People like you are putting them in.positions where their entire identity is reliant on everyone going along with the lies you told.

Well some of us arent like that. We wont lie. We want to keep the children around us safe and happy and healthy. Even if that means at times they hate us. Because it's not about being liked, we will take that hit for now. We will take it over and over again because we know full well when it all goes wrong or when people can no longer jumper through ever increasing numbers of hoops in order to fully accepted by a community advertising themselves as their new glitter family, turn their backs on them, they will need us. And we will be there. When people like you are long gone.

It isn't bigotry to point out sex.

Depends why you are doing it. It certainly can be done in a spirit of bigotry.

Well said, sarah.

Can humans change sex?

And again you've used it to try and shutdown any type of debate.

Is it bigoted to say girls' and boys' bodies are different? And that girls and boys don't naturally have different interests and personalities?

You literally have nothing do you.

Theres no hate here. None. And you know it. So carry on throwing insults around. We are immune. We've dealt with tantrumming toddlers for years.

It's not bigotted to say clothes you wear and toys you play with don't make you a boy or a girl.

What you said, definitely @Serendippity

some of you genuinely believe you're trailblazers for the truth or whatever

Not “whatever”, just the truth. And not trailblazers, just responsible adults who don’t lie to children, not matter who threatens or insults us.

What is damaging and pretty offensive, is to say that gender stereotypes are good.
That wearing boy clothes makes you a boy and you can't be a girl if you have short hair.

Firstly, congratulate yourself for raising a child who is welcoming and accepting of all, regardless of gender identity or sexual orientation! That's great! We need more people like you and your daughter in the world!
Also, congratulate yourself again that your daughter was confident enough to share her "first love" with you. :)

I think your feelings are totally normal. Firstly, your baby girl is growing up and exploring dating/relationships/sex, which makes all parents feel a bit weird. Plus she's exploring outside of what is normally considered "the norm".
Perhaps ask yourself, what is it exactly that concerns you about the relationship? Your daughter being teased/made fun of/judged? The biology of the relationship with someone who (I'm guessing), hasn't yet physically transitioned? Future problems with having kids the non-traditional way? What is it EXACTLY that bugs you? If you can at least identify that, you can start to ask the right questions and do the right research.

But also remember, "first loves" 99% of the time fizzle out. I honestly don't know anyone my age and below, who is still with their first boyfriend/girlfriend.