My DD's first boyfriend is transgender and I feel weird about it.

[Milicentbystander72]

I've always been a very liberal minded person. Supported gay rights all my life. My best friend and DN are gay. I support the rights of Trans people to live their life etc.

My dd15 has a nice group of friends (boys and girls). In that group is a Trans teen (Female to Male). He changed his name in Y8, He's totally accepted as Male at school. There are no issues. He looks completely Male and people who don't know him would never think that he'd been born female. He's a nice boy who is well liked. All good.

Except last night my DD told me she's going out with him. I've surprised myself that this has unnerved me.

My dd hasn't had a BF before. She's only ever snogged one boy before at a party. She says she's 100% straight. She says she fancies the cool older boys in Sixth Form. Has teenage celebrity crushes on boys like Tom Holland etc. So how does this work for her?

Last night I told her all was fine and just to be careful they didn't damage a friendship if they broke up etc, but I didn't make a big deal of it.

Would you find this weird if your dc said they were straight? Please be honest. I'm kind of hoping it fizzles out without any drama.

I would be sitting her down and explaining that if she was dating a female with a vagina she is not 100% straight at all

I don't think it's very healthy to insist someone belongs to this label or that.

My sexual preference is for a certain aesthetic of MTF trans person/non binary/gender fluid. I'm a female. I'm aware they're biological males. But it's certainly not the same as being straight. I don't really have a label for myself. But straight binary men do nothing for me. Sex with them to me is the same as masterbating, theres no mental connection or mutual understanding.

I've personally never been happier than I am with my transgender partner. A lot of people on here have opinions and views shaped by late transitioners which accompanies lying, cheating and abuse. Those situations are entirely different than someone who is genuinely attracted to their transgender partner whom they know everything about and have been given every option to walk away before committing.

My relationship is not hard work or one sided as a lot of late transitioners are. My partner works incredibly hard and I don't have to lift a finger if I don't want to. I have free access to absolutely anything I want and most of my friends would love to have my life, just with a straight man because that's what they're attracted to.

If the person your child is with makes them happy and provides them with everything youd want from your own relationship then why is there a need to sit down and label them???

Would you find this weird if your dc said they were straight? Please be honest.

I'd like to think that if in such a situation, my primary concern would be with how the other person treats my daughter, whether she's happy with them, etc. Rather than getting hung up on semantical questions.

But in principle I do not find it odd that a female would ID as straight if all their attractions are towards males or those who physically have the male 'look'. We probably are "designed" to respond to a certain 'look' rather than chromosomes if you wanted to get technical.

It's a shame the same isn't being applied to the other girl in the relationship

I agree watersheep

There are plenty of other potentially harmful ideologies that are pushed at DC by 'trusted' adults. Like every single religion. You can if you're not very clever or not very inquisitive see your DC trotting off to this new church youth group that all their mates love and think, oh well, going to church is a Good Thing. Till they come home ranting about how gay people should be stoned to death and that you're going to hell for wearing lipstick or whatever.

Till they come home ranting about how gay people should be stoned to death

I've known some pretty fundamentalist Christian groups and I've never seen anything remotely like this. There is plenty to criticise without resorting to such ridiculous mischaracterisations.

I don't think it should be any more of an issue than if she was dating a boy who isn't trans, or if she was dating a girl. The advice is the same - don't do anything you aren't totally happy to do, make sure you're safe etc. The sex of the person doesn't matter.

And I wouldn't get hung up on whether she sees herself as straight or not. I certainly had limited understanding of my own sexuality at that age and there's no benefit in saying shit like "This means you're gay."

I'm gender critical & bisexual. I don't think I'd have a problem with a daughter of mine dating a f2m trans person. If I'm really honest I'd potentially have more of a problem if they were dating a m2f trans person because that's where the more ugly stuff about women's rights and AGP can become a problem. I might wonder about the mental health of their partner seeing as I don't believe you can be born in the wrong body, and I might worry about their physical health if they were taking hormones, considering surgery or breast binding. But ultimately I'd want my daughter to be with a kind, loving and respectful partner, and that wouldn't change whether they were male, female or if thought they were in the wrong body.

Can articulate myself fine, thanks.
Just no point doing so with ya. Some can have a reasoned discussion with, you're not one to have one with so nah.

That’s what you call articulating? Brilliant

No, read the post properly, FFS 😂
I said I can articulate perfectly well but I have no wish to with certain posters as it's clear they don't want a discussion.

There are two options here, either this is a status thing, look at us, how cool are we, or it's sexual

Fk, how sad.

It couldn't be cause they get on well, have hit it off, really like each other etc.

Maybe I wasn't a typical teenager, but I wasn't "sexual" - in the way that sexually active adults act or think - at all, whatsoever .. when I was a teenager. Sometimes we project onto them how adults esp adult men (who tend to be rather piv sex obsessed) think but it's not how they think (particularly teenage girls).

Nobody at all has said on this thread that teen sexuality is like adult sexuality.

Based on an earlier comment. Trigger warning for talk about sexual assault. When I was 14, I was held down and digitally penetrated by 2 people. At no point did I think "well this isn't rape because there isn't a penis in me and I certainly prefer this to that". Really. I never thought that.

OP, of course your daughter could still be abused in a relationship with someone with a vagina.

SGB

I would be equally pissed off if my kids were taught that god exists , religion is scientific fact and anyone who doesnt believe in god is a bigot.

I would not tolerate religious views being forced onto my children either. If other people believe them that's fine that's up to them. But if their beliefs require my or my childs validation to exist as they so desire then then that's a step to far.

Sure thing, willis

The advice is the same - don't do anything you aren't totally happy to do

I agree wholeheartedly, but as we have seen so many times, expressing any kind of dissent from the absolute ringing endorsement and acceptance (including sexually) is immediately shouted down as "transphobia!", "bigot!", genital preference" etc etc

The nerve to withstand that sort of onslaught would be tough for anyone to bear, let alone a teen finding their place in society. Easier to put up and shut up, surely?

The receipts are all over social media for this, it's chilling in its draconianism. I sincerely hope nothing remotely like that ever happens to OP's daughter, nor am I suggesting it will, for the avoidance of doubt. Just flagging that it happens and we have seen it.

no-one else bothered by the fact that because he is Trans, that its suddenly ok for a bunch of women to sit around discussing a 15yo's genitals?

Creepy if you ask me.

I can easily see how this might happen. After all at 15 most girls are attracted to quite feminine boys really. My boyfriends at 14/15 were very pretty and quite delicate, and I didn't have much to do with their private parts, it was just little notes and mix tapes and snogging. If she does get as far as sex, well at least she will be safe.
I wouldn't say owt about it. Just nod and smile.
BTW, where do all of you even live that there are so many trans kids in your schools? ? It's just not a thing where I am at all. Although I can't think of even one teen girl with short hair so I imagine it must be shit to be a non girly girl nowadays. The only butch in the village.
I miss the days when all the boys had long hair and the girls had short hair (yes I went to school in the 90s..)

*I agree wholeheartedly, but as we have seen so many times, expressing any kind of dissent from the absolute ringing endorsement and acceptance (including sexually) is immediately shouted down as "transphobia!", "bigot!", genital preference" etc etc

The nerve to withstand that sort of onslaught would be tough for anyone to bear, let alone a teen finding their place in society. Easier to put up and shut up, surely?*

There are all sorts of pressures that teenagers can come under. I wouldn't assume that this relationship is any worse (or better) than any other. I'd also be wary of assuming that the screaming on twitter from AGPs and the like is representative of typical discourse.

Whether this person is old enough to feel certain about their gender isn't really relevant. What is relevant is that your DD is a little bit in love with them. I think the broadminded and liberal thing to do is to be supportive. I'm not sure it's even helpful to put labels like gay or straight on it. She likes this person. There doesn't seem to be any immediate harm or risk in that.

Ifnot, the trans boys DD was at school with were not butch at all.

Bringing kids up to be Lefties is not a good thing at all.

@GreenyEye nope, don't worry it's not just you that thinks that! Creepy but apparently more and more Ok on here lately

Your DD has a girlfriend!