Is the teacher or me?!

[Treeli]

Full disclosure, DS can be a sod behaviour wise. Low level disruption, he’s been on report twice since he started secondary school. He’s just started year 8.

When he joined the school he was streamed middle/bottom sets. He passed his SATS but he’s an August born.

Last year he absolutely smashed science. Didn’t show much ability in class but past his assessments with flying colours. I knew and his teacher made it clear he didn’t want him in the top set but they had to move him due to his assessment marks.

3 weeks into term and I’ve just looked through his science book. They had a quick pop quiz of last years material and his teacher has written this:

XXXXX, should you be in this class? Are you comfortable? I have SERIOUS concerns about you being here looking at this, id like to talk to you after class.

I’m the last person to go running to the school complaining about poor DS (in fact I was the one who told them to put him on report last time), but doesn’t that seem a bit harsh 3 weeks into term when they are going over material from last year?

Kungfupanda67
Thanks.
I try my best.
Simple principles generally go a long way (and a low tolerance of bad behaviour which does everyone a disservice, including those being disruptive as they have untapped potential too).

Calling the teacher for a chat and to raise queries is the most sensible thing to do here. The comments (unless there's a bigger picture but with the OP updates I can't see an obvious one) are most odd.

I think the teacher was suspicious of the exam results. He either suspected cheating or thought the results were a fluke.
Based on the recent work he set he still seems to believe this and wants to rectify it before the class is settled and it's harder for him to move.

Have you asked him why he got the mark he did and why he didn't do better? Does he feel he's in the right class for his ability?

Have you asked him why he chooses to behave a certain way?

I would certainly recommend a conversation with the teacher as to the comment in his book and what they meant by it. What are their observations of your DS in class?

Do you have a parents evening coming up? I think most local schools here have one in October.. If so that would be a good time for a chat with the teacher.

Oh gosh. Is your child Popular enough to cope going down a set? Are there any Cool teachers they could rely on?

I'm a teacher and I think the comment is a little severe even if your son ahs been misbehaving.

Can you contact the teacher and say you've read the comment and ask for context behind it.

Have a discussion about your sons progress etc. Explain you felt the comment was bit severe etc?

@MarklesBananas huh? Certainly my experience is the cool popular kids are nowhere near top sets (and I say that as Mrs uncool and unpopular who was top set at school!)

Probably been cheating in tests. I'd be suspicious too. And so selfish to have crap behaviour that disturbs others.

What are the boundaries and expectations at home op? Does he have to sit at the table for meals, and mind his p's and q's? How did he behave at primary? Have you and he discussed how thoughtless shouting out is? How it is rude to the teacher and may upset others and orevent the learning of others? Have you told him his conduct is anti-social and totally unacceptable.

Let me tell you a story. My dd had to suffer low level disruption from big and little sods in a poorly led school. The best teachers left. Girls like dd left - hard working, well behaved girls. Let me see: Imogen, Rose, Annie, dd, Mary left (only one if those was top). They left behind Jane, Tilly, LouLou and Claire who were all much cleverer.

The girls who left are all at Oxbridge. The cleverer ones who stayed aren't. That's what low level disruption by little sods does. There is no excuse. There is no reason why children such as your son should be in top set and should be allowed to shatter the future of others. His conduct is your responsibility. May I respectfully suggest you teach the little some some basic good manners. Parents and teachers need to stop making excuses.

cold
It depends if we mean cool and popular because they're really nice, kind, well rounded young adults or cool and popular as in a bit of a pain in the arse, walk around like they own the place but most of the year really keep their distance and pity them.

I've taught loads of top set children in the first category. They were delightful, friendly, inclusive, hard working, keen to get on with everyone, able to get on in groups with people regardless of being friends or not. They were funny, sarcastic and sometimes very switched on and cynical. They were absolutely cool and popular for the right reasons.

The "cool and popular" ones in the second category I always find looking in as an adult are never really viewed as that cool and popular. Cool and popular seems to translate to other kids thinking the lads are annoying, disruptive, rude, arrogant and immature but think they're god's gift to women, and the girls are gossipy, image obsessed bitches who think too highly of themselves and asusme everyone wants to be them. Both spend too much time in various drama llama issues. Neither the boys or girls in this category realise that everyone is keeping their distance, usually for an easy life but nobody outside their circle actually likes them that much

@lola you’re probably right.. I think it’s just the experience I had, and ds had, and the way the comment was worded. I just know we’d have got teased a heck of a lot more for doing well academically than the opposite.

I’ve looked through his book. Most of it isn’t marked. They do peer marking

O RLY?

He probably cheated.....?!!!

Ok I’m done here Thanks for the sensible advice lots of you.

Can I just say before I go, I’ve been on MN a very very long time. Since 2007! And never have I seen a thread with so much viciousness directed towards kids. Little shits, bitches, PITA and even responsible for other kids not getting into Oxford

Christ alive!

You are his parent and you called him a sod!

To be fair OP, nearly 50% of the votes supported you.

"Shouting out" can mean anything from screaming at the teacher to trying to attract the attention of the teacher for a significant concern.

A student who repeatedly lacks equipment either needs more help with organisation or is experiencing some hardship (probably financial) at home. The lesson change over (especially in ZT schools/academies) can involve the whole class being escorted in single file through the corridors which leaves little time to pack away properly. Even without the escorting thing, the changeover is significantly shorter with sanctions for poor punctuality between lessons. It is a vicious circle for a kid who is often carrying several items around with them all day. Many schools do not have anywhere for students to leave PE kits, coats, instruments etc for at least part of the day.

The expectations are just way too high. Not just academically but simple things like access to drinks and food. The load we expect them to carry. It's really bad. I'm ashamed to work in education TBH.

@treeli

My last comment about peer marking was because I think it is ineffective and the reason why we have increasing numbers of students "under performing". The teachers just don't realise that their understanding of a topic lacks depth until it is too late. Even 3 weeks is too late IMO. And that's what could have happened. Your son is at that academic level but the break and the new term/teachers have thrown him significantly and so he couldn't effectively regurgitate the information in that moment.

When I was at school we had cloakrooms for coats. Our desks for our books - under desk for PE bag. I left school in 1978. Nothing was stolen except for a purse. Why? The girl who stole the purse was found out. And expelled.

Ok I’m back because a flounce isn’t a flounce unless you strop back into the thread at some point

I’ve just re-read the whole comment (I didn’t post the whole thing here). And at one point it says “which is my thoughts looking at this”

Can I scribble it out in red pen and send it back asking if he is sure his grammar is correct

But the teacher hasn't commented on his behaviour, only on his work? If his class work isn't keeping up then yes, he is in the wrong set.

Since 2007! And never have I seen a thread with so much viciousness directed towards kids. Little shits, bitches, PITA and even responsible for other kids not getting into Oxford
You're being a little bit disingenuous here and selective in your references.

If you wish to pretend (for example) that in schools there isn't a so called popular group of boys who act the fool, can be rude and disruptive, and a group of so called popular girls who can be vile and nasty and bitchy to girls who don't fit their group then you can continue pretending and claim it's vicious. But the fact is those groups exist. They existed when I was a child and they will continue to exist and they are the groups that we often see talked about on here when an OP is worried sick about their nice child being bullied and marginalised by other students who are being horrible.

You can say it's vicious to comment on how behaviour hinders learning and is a PITA. But the reality is there is thread after thread on here where parents are worried about their own child because of the behaviour of other pupils. Where parents are worried about their child's safety in school because of the behaviour of others. Where their child can't learn because some smart arses want to act the fool and prevent others learning for some cheap laughs.

Most staff care deeply about kids doing well and achieving their potential but part of that is being honest about what goes on in schools. The conduct of some students towards their peers is utterly horrible at times. I will fight tooth and nail to ensure children can learn and feel safe in school and if that makes me some mean and nasty and vicious person for daring to call out disruptive and unpleasant behaviour then so be it, because the 90+% who want to learn and the 90+% of parents who want their child to learn and thrive will be thankful we had standards and thankful we didn't say "eeh well, I know A talks over the teacher every lesson and laughs at the swots but it's not really that bad, I'm sure they were just joking and it's not like they're flipping tables or calling staff wankers".

But did they throw him more than everybody else in the set?

Isn’t the behaviour a red herring here? I would have thought that the issue of them reluctantly moving him up because the only evidence of his attainment is three assessments rather than sustained class work and assessments.

It shouldn’t have been phrased like that but it would be remiss of them not to keep an eye on how he was coping.

Some people will of course be more affected by change than others. But given the teacher wrote that remark, it is probably understandable if his demeanour has been off and he's unable to perform to his potential.

@LolaSmiles, I think MN has and always had had an obsession with the “queen bee” trope. It’s trotted out constantly (usually with an added barb about how the queen bee from their school is now fat/unemployed/has 4 kids by 4 men.

My DD is one of the most popular girls in her year. Invites all the time, lots of friends, the “right” kind of social media following/posts. She’s a bloody delight! She isn’t a sheeple, or a bully, or a bitch or secretly hated by her friends who pity her

The mean girls who smoked around the corner, rolled their skirts up and lost their virginity at 13 did and do exist, but Christ as a teacher you should be more than aware there is probably something going on in their lives to end up like that.

I think the teacher should be sanctioned for her written comment and for not making him/herself available to talk to this CHILD as she/he demanded. What did this child learnt from this experience but confusion & disrespect from his teacher?! If it was me, I'd see the teacher and ask about her/his concerns about my son, and what and how I could help him. I'd be very polite, pleasant, open and cooperative with this teacher to get the best for my son. I'd also find out how to deal with the big and little problems my children are facing so I can help my child. The OP seems very respectful and open to me and I have a lot of respect for her. I wish her and her son the very best