Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is the teacher or me?!

184 replies

Treeli · 23/09/2019 18:15

Full disclosure, DS can be a sod behaviour wise. Low level disruption, he’s been on report twice since he started secondary school. He’s just started year 8.

When he joined the school he was streamed middle/bottom sets. He passed his SATS but he’s an August born.

Last year he absolutely smashed science. Didn’t show much ability in class but past his assessments with flying colours. I knew and his teacher made it clear he didn’t want him in the top set but they had to move him due to his assessment marks.

3 weeks into term and I’ve just looked through his science book. They had a quick pop quiz of last years material and his teacher has written this:

XXXXX, should you be in this class? Are you comfortable? I have SERIOUS concerns about you being here looking at this, id like to talk to you after class.

I’m the last person to go running to the school complaining about poor DS (in fact I was the one who told them to put him on report last time), but doesn’t that seem a bit harsh 3 weeks into term when they are going over material from last year?

OP posts:
KatieHack · 23/09/2019 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grannybags · 23/09/2019 19:24

The teacher was completely out of line for that comment. Whilst I might agree with the sentiment there are ways and means of dealing with having pupils in your class that you think have been put in the wrong group.
Have you raised this with the HOY or HOD?

C0untDucku1a · 23/09/2019 19:25

Might also be worth asking to see a sample of work from the book of another child in his class, so you can see the expected standard.

LolaSmiles · 23/09/2019 19:25

Have you raised this with the HOY or HOD?
It doesn't need HOY or HOD. It needs the OP to raise her queries with the class teacher

Whatafackinliberty · 23/09/2019 19:26

Perhaps you ought to deal with his behaviour?

And what relevance does him being an August born have on his behaviour in year 8?

Mrsmadevans · 23/09/2019 19:26

I don't see the teacher has done anything wrong tbh. She has asked him if he is comfortable in this set and she would like to talk to him after class because she is seriously concerned . I can't see anything wrong with that .

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/09/2019 19:28

I regularly check his behaviour score online. If it’s creeping up I email his HOY and we discuss what is going on. I recommended he went on report the second time. He is sanctioned at home and as you can see I check his books daily to see what his day has been like.

It all sounds a bit too... tolerant. Almost as if he might not understand that his behaviour ‘score’ should be 0, or close to it.

I’ll tell you what I would do. I would go nuclear. If I had a child I was forced to describe as a “sod”, I would sit him down and explain that it’s all change, as of right now, or not a single privilege will there be. And I would stick to that with the gravitational pull of a planet.

But that’s me.

NearlyGranny · 23/09/2019 19:29

Did he mess up the quiz on purpose, I wonder? Now he's in the top set, he may be feeling quite smug and consider he has nothing to prove. Have you asked him if he actually tried?

Did not RTFT, sorry if it's already been asked.

ChilledBee · 23/09/2019 19:32

@LolaSmiles

Mossbourne Academy in Hackney recently instructed their students on the appropriate way to laugh. My niece's school give detentions for not facing the front, even if that's you just turning around in response to a loud noise. Detentions are given if your socks aren't plain black so that means a tiny logo in a different colour racks up an hours detention. Kids have 3 mins to change after PE regardless of SEN and will be given detentions for not doing so. An autistic boy who wasn't verbal until aged 8 was given a detention for "only" getting 8/10 on a Spanish assessment.

Here is an article about the other academy in my niece's area:
www.hackneygazette.co.uk/news/education/highly-rated-city-academy-in-homerton-under-fire-for-draconian-discipline-1-4580594

ChilledBee · 23/09/2019 19:35

You're not allowed to be in groups of more than 3. You're not allowed to touch each other (niece got a detention for helping her friend who slipped in the ice - was told she should have called staff to assist and not touched her). I think you're either ignorant about what's going on in schools or being disingenuous.

LolaSmiles · 23/09/2019 19:36

ChilledBee
Some schools run zero tolerance
Most don't.

Most secondary schools do ample warnings (almost too many in some cases at the expense of well behaved children) before acting on disruptive behaviour, or it gets branded as "low level disruption" and minimised because they're not running riot.

If the OP describes her son as a bit of a sod who doesn't behave himself then if he was in a zero tolerance school his actions would have had him in isolation by now easily.

OneAutumnMorning · 23/09/2019 19:39

@Lolasmiles you sound like an awesome teacher! I really hope my kids have teachers like you in Secondary school.

Witchinaditch · 23/09/2019 19:43

Completely unprofessional writing that in his book. She should have called you with concerns, fair enough he may not be able to be in that set but the teacher is out of line for writing that.

ChilledBee · 23/09/2019 19:46

Or he's already in one and just being a normal human with thoughts and impulses and desires and has been unfairly labelled for that.

"Bit of a sod" often means a student who won't conform to the painfully boring and underestimating lessons with people who have no real interest in his outcomes bar those that reflect on them.

IsobelRae23 · 23/09/2019 19:47

There may be more behaviour going on that isn’t marked because some teachers are trying to give him the benefit of doubt.

For what it’s worth ds year 10 was in top sets, I’d be well pissed off if a disruptive child was moved into class and prevented lessons from going as planned. And no I’m not ‘that mother’, just an ex teacher who knows just how much time can be taken up because of pathetic behaviour, and what it costs the other 30 odd children in the class.

ChilledBee · 23/09/2019 19:47

Understimulating*

madcatladyforever · 23/09/2019 19:50

How does he behave at home?

HeartvsHead · 23/09/2019 19:50

As a teacher I would never write that in a book. Even if the kid is the most annoying kid in the world getting them on side and getting them settled in the classs is what should be happening the first few weeks. I would never suggest a kid was in the wrong class from one pop quiz (which probably meant he didn't do a learning homework rather than was in the wrong set!).

refraction · 23/09/2019 19:51

I would be in triple from leadership for writing something like that.

lovemenorca · 23/09/2019 19:52

In terms of how she should have worded it in order to fit in with rules and regs - no probably she was a little wide of the mark.

However, her frustration with your son is dripping off the page. 3 weeks in and it would seem he has been an absolute pain.

Yes, I would ask to speak with her. But rather than - why did you write this, it was inappropriate. More - I sense from this comment, which i have to say I didn’t think was written in the best way for a year 8 student, that there’s issues with my son’s behaviour and I think it would beneficial for me to have a clear idea of what’s been going on

Bucatini · 23/09/2019 19:52

I agree OP. I think the teacher should not have written that comment.

refraction · 23/09/2019 19:55

I would be in trouble from leadership for writing something like that.

I do not get to decide sets.

Fresta · 23/09/2019 19:56

It might only be 3 weeks into term, but it's also only 3 weeks into term for the rest of the class also. If he fell short of the marks expected of the top set then it's reasonable of the teacher to question his place in it. In addition, being top of the middle set probably means he's going to bottom of the top set!

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/09/2019 19:56

Bit of a sod" often means a student who won't conform to the painfully boring and underestimating lessons with people who have no real interest in his outcomes bar those that reflect on them.

Oh right, he won’t “conform”. In other words, he prevents others from learning and is disrespectful towards staff. That isn’t okay, I don’t care how bored he is.

GetUpAgain · 23/09/2019 20:03

My child is in top sets. I really hope the other children in his classes are there due to ability. If they happen to be 'sods with behaviour struggles' so bloody what, they still have the ability and deserve their education! My child has to learn to help his classmates / not be distracted same as anyone does in any set. All kids deserve to be taught to their best of their potential.

I think what the teacher wrote is disgraceful especially given the OP's child has gone to talk to them as instructed only to be dismissed. Way to kill someone's confidence.