Low level bullying going a step too far, AIBU?

[Tedp]

So, before I’m accused of being a pee troll or similar, I’m not wanting examples of other DC’s past issues etc. so please don’t share them, as it will only feed the ‘undesirables’. I’m going to be deliberately vague for this very reason. I only mention what happened because it’s relevant to the issue.

DD is in Y7, and turned 12 last week. She’s been enjoying her new high school as much as any 12 year old every enjoys school, although there have been a couple of low level incidents of bullying already which I’ve discussed with the school and I believed measures were in place to stop. DD was happy with what steps had been taken, and felt comfortable and secure.

Today there was another incident on the way home from school, where she was approached and verbally intimidated by older pupils. Unfortunately they frightened her to the point where she wet herself, and this was noticed by them. She arrived home very upset and absolutely mortified as you may expect by what had happened, and is now worried about going to school tomorrow and whether they will have told everybody else what happened.

It’s the bullying that’s the issue more than what it led to, although that’s obviously a sign of how severe it was, and in itself probably opens her up to more of the same, when we’re trying to stop that from happening.

AIBU to go to the school tomorrow and reasonably expect them to take very strong steps to stop this happening again and to punish those responsible? WIBU to allow DD to remain home until steps have been taken?

What a brave young woman. And well done you for raising her xx

Even better update than this mornings. Amazing girls. And so thoughtful of you for taking them out as a treat.

What a great outcome all round!! So pleased for you and DD

Well done OP!!

I was so pleased to read the update.
But, I would still consider making a visit to the police and perhaps asking them to speak to the girls involved. If they get away with it this time, then the next time they will assume that they will just get a slap on the wrist. They really need to understand it is serious.
My son went through some horrible bullying and if I had just made a visit to the police to get them to speak to the kids involved, I think the whole thing would have gone away. As it was, it went on for a few more years causing misery to my son. The police are perfectly able to speak to the children involved without making it official. I think this would send the right message.

I'm so pleased to hear all of this. Well done to both you and your daughter. You have both handled this situation brilliantly. Let your daughter know what an amazing young girl we all think she is and good luck for the future xx

Great update. I'm glad the other DC in the school saw the bullies true colours, nobody likes a bully sometimes it takes a while to see the bully.
All the extra education on bullying is working, they are no longer the popular crowd among peers.

I’d keep her off and honestly, if she didn’t want to go back I’d see about changing schools. Poor girl.

I would still raise it with the school though and I’d be like a dog with a bone about it.

Should have read the update first. Glad things seem well.

The girl/s that did this probably thought they were being mightily clever by sharing it all on social media but I imagine it's backfired massively on them and most of their peers see them for the nasty shits they are. I very much doubt intimidating a y7 to that degree will make them particularly popular, more likely have the opposite effect. Can imagine a fair few students would have told them some real home truths. People complain about social media but kids are doing the same thing they always have done, only now they're stupid enough to film and post it for all to see, and be used as evidence when needed.

Your DD has some amazing friends.

Great Update OP - heartwarming to read and so pleased to hear of your DD and her super friends

Wow what an outcome. That’s the most lovely outcome I’ve read in a long time. Kudos to you, the your daughter, the girls’ parents and the school.

Might I suggest that it’s suggested to the school that the beautiful kindness shown by her 4 chums is recognised by the school as well- the antithesis of the bullying behaviour. Even just a headmasters ‘thank you’ they are wonderful girls.

I wouldn’t send her back to that school either. Like a PP said, unfortunately this is the sort of thing that will be remembered and repeated for a long time and other people not involved in the bullying might tease her about it too. I really don’t think she should go back after this. I don’t say this to worry you but this is the sort of thing that can follow a child for years, and punishing the bullies isn’t going to change that - all that needs to happen is that they tell people and I expect it will spread like wildfire

I would apply to other schools. I don’t say that lightly. This is an appalling thing to have happened to your daughter and while it is important that the bullies are punished, the reality is that she is probably going to remember this for her whole school life, and so will the bullies. It’s a position I would have to remove my child from.

This ^

OP, I'm so glad your daughter's friends came to the rescue. What lovely kids!

I'm a year 7 form tutor this year for the first time (normally have older kids so this is a bit of a shock!) Last week I had a parent in over something along these lines but historic and not as serious. I told my tutor group that they are a team. They need to look out for one another all the time. The problem reported does not relate to them but it is a point worth reiterating.

I'm afraid I disagree with those saying to move your DD. This sends a message to the bullies that they are in charge. Bully someone, they move elsewhere, start on the next victim. It should be the other way round. Thankfully the OP's DD's friends have their priorities right.

OP what a wonderful daughter you have and what wonderful friends she has.

Really glad to hear how well things have turned out.

I hope and pray my dd has friends like that and becomes a friend like that when she's older.

I hope the school do more than just talk to the parents.

As a year 7 mum, I've read the full thread and your update has made me cry. What a fabulous brave and resilient girl you've raised. I'm so proud of her.
I hope you get somewhere with the school. If not, please screen shot and get the police involved.
Lots of love to you both.

I think this could be classed as hate crime, I would want to speak to someone in authority at school
I would be telling them that I propose to contact the police
These pupils need to be taught that actions have consequences

Bullying like this ruined my confidence and I still struggle 50 years later

Get some counselling and a new school for your girl and give her a cwtch from me x

Hate crime? Steady on. Horrible, nasty bullying, yes. But what has led you to believe that the OP's DD was bullied because of her religion, race, sexual orientation, etc.? Because that's what a hate crime is.

That is not low level bullying, it is terrible behaviour and no child should have to put up with it. Keep her at home until you have found a different school for her. Your poor DD. I would be incandescent with rage over this.

Sorry, I jumped straight to the end of the thread and hadn't read your update. Well done to your daughter! And what great friends she has.

Crying at this.

My daughter is only 1 but if she’s turns out to be as brave as your little girl I would be so proud. She has such lovely friends.

I understand your decision to not go to the police- although I’d be considering a PP suggestion of an unofficial report. I’m sure a visit from the police would scare them and shame the parents- they’d never forget it!