Low level bullying going a step too far, AIBU?

[Tedp]

So, before I’m accused of being a pee troll or similar, I’m not wanting examples of other DC’s past issues etc. so please don’t share them, as it will only feed the ‘undesirables’. I’m going to be deliberately vague for this very reason. I only mention what happened because it’s relevant to the issue.

DD is in Y7, and turned 12 last week. She’s been enjoying her new high school as much as any 12 year old every enjoys school, although there have been a couple of low level incidents of bullying already which I’ve discussed with the school and I believed measures were in place to stop. DD was happy with what steps had been taken, and felt comfortable and secure.

Today there was another incident on the way home from school, where she was approached and verbally intimidated by older pupils. Unfortunately they frightened her to the point where she wet herself, and this was noticed by them. She arrived home very upset and absolutely mortified as you may expect by what had happened, and is now worried about going to school tomorrow and whether they will have told everybody else what happened.

It’s the bullying that’s the issue more than what it led to, although that’s obviously a sign of how severe it was, and in itself probably opens her up to more of the same, when we’re trying to stop that from happening.

AIBU to go to the school tomorrow and reasonably expect them to take very strong steps to stop this happening again and to punish those responsible? WIBU to allow DD to remain home until steps have been taken?

This is just awful. I am so sorry that your Dd had to endure this. I agree wity others that you should involve the Police. If nothing else it may scare the hell out of the girl that took and shared the picture and hopefully she will think twice about doing it again. I also wouldn't send my daughter back tomorrow. She may decide eventually that she wants to go back but in the short term keep her at home until you have sorted something with the school.

Get her friend to take a screen shot.
Put the phone in the furthest part of the house.
Cuddle your darling girl to sleep.
Keep her home for the time being.
Go to the school in the morning to demand they take action.
Start looking for another school.

This is awful. I have no advice except to say that is absolutely horrible to be happening to your DD.

The same thing happened to me at school. I was bullied relentlessly and one particular girl grabbed me by the throat one day and I just remember being so frightened I wet myself. I was absolutely mortified, nobody should have to experience that.

Wow. I think these bullies should be excluded for this. Not very bright are they to post it on social media!
Call school first thing. Call police to get advice? Is cyber bullying a bullying a crime? It should be...
Don't send her back.
Sorry for your dd. At least you have her back.

Poor kid, I fucking hate bullies.

I agree with others, even if the kids are dealt with by the school, this story is going to follow her through the next 5 years. She will have nick names made about it and teased. They won’t let her forget.

When I was in year 7, I was talking to a girl in year 9, and she told me something funny and I started to wet myself. When of the year 9 boys noticed and went ‘omg she’s pissing herself’ and this year 9 girl went ‘don’t be so stupid it’s the water dropping off the roof above, shows how thick you are’ this boy mumbled a reply and walked off, the girl looked at me, winked and said ‘go to the toilet take your tights and underwear off and put them in your bag, no one will know you aren’t wearing any’. It was never mentioned again. But I still feel mortified at what could have happened.

So I really feel for your dd. Kids can be so nasty. If it’s out on social media, it could be anywhere by now.

I was bullied from day 1 at high school and it's scarred me for life. I cried my heart out from 8:50 to 3:15 every single day

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT SEND HER BACK THERE

This is a police issue!!

I’d take her out of the school tomorrow.

She’ll remember this her whole school career and won’t be allowed to forget it

Kick up fuck at school.

Kids can be awful to one another.

As someone who was bullied, please keep her off and consider another school.

And phone the police.

Poor thing. If she does eventually goback, practice with her some ways of deflecting any comments. So for example, if someone says 'haha you pissed yourself' she has a retort , maybe a bit of humour, like 'yeah she's so horrible she's lucky I didn't vomit in her face' / bit of humour, even if she's super embarrassed if no one gets a rise out of her it'll soon be yesterday's news

Not quite the same thing but when I got glasses as a kid (wasn't fashionable like it is now) my parents practiced a few retorts with me in case I was called specky four eyes etc - was soooo helpful to have some witty one liners and no one ever bothered me after the first 2 days

Your poor daughter. I hope those nasty, cruel bullies are suspended at least. Good luck.

What steps have the school taken so far?

Change schools. Seriously.

This is not low level bullying it’s the highest level there is!

Poor dd this is awful.

Sharing pictures without consent I'm sure would come under something that's a police offence. I'm not in anyway suggesting call 999 but a bit of research may help you know your dds rights.

100% go to the school- they should take action immediately. Through work I know of a similar situation and the bullies were expelled and rightly so.

If your dd doesn't want to go back to school I wouldn't force her- to wet herself shoes the absolute fear she had which is awful for her.

I'd also threaten to go to the press- might make the school act quicker!

Hopefully some teachers will come on and help x

She was intimidated by group of older girls. To the point that she wet herself. This isn’t low level bullying. Infact there’s no such thing as low level bullying.
It’s full on abuse. Damn right you go up to the school.

I think bullying should be classed as a criminal offence. When are the authorities going to wake up. When it’s happening to their own.

There's a similar thing going on with someone I know at the minute...school are shit and in my opinion all schools should be zero tolerance. I'd get the police involved plus contact the girls mum and let her know what a lovely girl she is....I'd be mortified. It's shit op bullies are the lowest.

There's nothing low level about that bullying. Whoever is sending the viseo round should know that cyberbullying is an offence the police take very seriously.
Tell her teacher, counsellor, HoY, head teacher and if the rumours about the video are true, the police too. And explain to her that it is a natural and normal human reaction to wet yourself when bullied. Adult male prisoners do it when they are interrogated or tortured. It's simply a sign that these girls are wicked and need stopping. It's no sign at all of her being weak or immature.

I don't know much about these things, but if it has been filmed on a phone and distributed on Instagram it is a police issue.

When I heard of a comparable issue the responsible organisation was desperate to hush it up and persuaded the child and parents not to report it.

"Hushing up" = "Nothing done"

And also "nothing like that ever happens here"

you could avoid that by reporting it before you complain to the school.

op. this is NOT low level. dont make her go back there at all.

Honestly.you gonna have to do EVERYTHING to bring the horrid little shits to a stage they are ALL accountable.tell the school.the police.their parents. do not force her to go back.move schools.but not quietly,and stick your neck out and request every one of the horrids is excluded first. see your local mp.(every one of them)and push for bullying to be an actual criminal offence.

I'm sorry to hear this your poor dd go to the school and I would definitely go to the bullies parents and I know this probably is not the right thing I would probably give the bullies a mouthful