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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
JonnyPocketRocket · 26/09/2019 09:19

My parents raised us to see Santa (they're from a "Santa" country, not a "FC" country) as a fun, make-believe part of Christmas. It was a fun Christmas tradition that assorted people dressed up as Santa and handed out gifts etc. They did note that part of the game was pretending it was real, and everyone playing make-believe together, so best not to ruin it by talking about him not being real. We still went to Santa's grotto, wrote letters to Santa, and left him cookies etc (though we knew our dad was reading / eating these). And he still left us a stocking and still does if I spend Christmas at my parents' house It didn't spoil the "magic" at all; kids love playing make-believe 🤷🏼‍♀️
There were also plenty of other "magical" Christmas traditions that more than made up for any deficit caused by not thinking he was real - baking certain treats that we only ate once a year, choosing a tree, putting up decorations, going ice skating, church at midnight, going to see the lights in town, a book my dad used to read to us one chapter a night throughout December... Christmas has always been my favourite time of year and not believing in Santa as a literal person didn't detract from that one bit. Crack on, OP!

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 26/09/2019 09:21

The OP’s son get a place because he didn’t qualify for it. That’s all. He wasn’t in the catchment area.

PookieDo · 26/09/2019 09:24

@ Howlovely

Sorry if you read back I have explained my first child was completely terrified by Santa. The concept of a man coming into your house in the night, sitting on a strangers lap in the shopping centre and a man who watches you for a whole year - yeah she didn’t like it.

It was at this point I took stock of what Christmas actually meant, and I re-evaluated how I wanted to portray it to my children. What I wanted them to learn from it, and what it really meant. When you don’t have Santa as a practicing tool of enjoyment, you find other ways and actually it was really lovely. I feel like getting rid of the Santa concept was liberating.
DD2 knew of Santa story and I didn’t discourage it but I didn’t practice it at home (because of DD1). She kind of believed because other children believed, but when she asked I told her it was a story
We have never queued up for a disappointing gift in a grotto, never had photos with santa, didn’t get up at 5am after leaving glittery reindeer food and they are 17 and 15 now and still love Christmas for all the other elements I have already listed!

WhatchaMaCalllit · 26/09/2019 21:31

@CaterpillarInTheGarden - have you decided what you're planning on doing?

Sweetchicken · 27/09/2019 10:35

Not only do we encourage father Christmas, we also darkly hint at the Krampus (look it up) to make them behave themselves. 😆

KarmaStar · 27/09/2019 11:10

You are making it all about you op.
It seems you are prepared to let your dc to miss out on the Magic of Christmas so you can score a point over mil.
That's really sad.

ddl1 · 27/09/2019 12:20

'You are making it all about you op.
It seems you are prepared to let your dc to miss out on the Magic of Christmas so you can score a point over mil.
That's really sad.'

It is the MIL who appears to be trying to score points, much more than the other way round. I wonder if people who are defending her here would be equally willing to defend an MIL who criticized her DIL's parenting choices and called her 'selfish' for almost any other issue that didn;t actually put the children in physical danger.

And can you really not imagine that some parents might genuinely choose to do certain holidays in the same way as the majority, and
that it may have nothing to do with wishing to score points over the in-laws? Sometimes it's religious reasons; sometimes it's personal preferences; sometimes it's something else.

I should make it clear at that point that I think it's fine to let kids believe in Father Christmas as long as they can and wish. What concerns me is the attitude that there's only one way of doing things; that anyone who doesn't is 'sad' and 'selfish' and that their children will massively miss out; and in general, trying to enforce a conformity that would not be nowadays acceptable for most other areas of life.

What is magical about childhood, including Christmas, is not IMO the need to believe that Father Christmas, or anything else, is true, but the willingness and ability to suspend disbelief in order to enjoy pretence and imagination. Thus children can pretend that a brick is a car; that they are Mummy or their teacher or Superman; that the flowers are naughty children; that (in my own and my friend's case as children) that the five-foot ruler is a broomstick and they are witches; that a nearby tree is Marsh and they're going there in a spaceship; etc. They don't need to believe that all these things are literally true to let imagination fly. The same with Father Christmas IMO: you can enjoy the idea and the story, without being required to believe that it's all literally true,

ddl1 · 27/09/2019 12:22

Sorry - 'Mars' not 'Marsh'! Though kids could pretend that a marsh is Mars, I suppose.

VictoriaC1995 · 27/09/2019 21:23

We aren't doing the whole Father Christmas thing as we don't think it's necessary. At the end of the day it's down to us parents to decide. You can still make christmas an amazing time for them and I think that our children will appreciate christmas more knowing that their gifts came from us.
My partner doesn't agree with lieing to our little one about it.
Plus Christmas is a family day and all about celebrating with the family.
Also I appreciate everyone's opinions but I think that some comments are completely out of line for the person who posted this thread.
It's a personal choice how you raise your children and I think there's no wrong or right way to do it, obviously within reason.
xx

MRSsqueak · 30/09/2019 14:01

i dont understand why you would do that OP. i havent read the entire thread. but if someone told their child santa isnt real at such an early age thats upto them (even if i do think its a bit mean) but then if your child told mine and spoilt it for him i would be furious to be perfectly honest. your child WILL spoil it for others because they dont understand when they are so young Sad

Boobiliboobiliboo · 30/09/2019 14:56

if your child told mine and spoilt it for him i would be furious to be perfectly honest

Yeah, OP, how dare you risk your child telling the truth to other children. How are they going to become Prime Minister with you setting that example?

Alternatively, @MRSsqueak, you could read the thread. Hmm

MRSsqueak · 30/09/2019 15:48

firstly i dont have time to read the entire thread... i have read some of it but i think housework and picking up my dc's from school and cooking their dinner and taking them to do some sports after is more important than sitting on my phone not bothering to ask them how their day went etc Hmm yourself.
secondly.... i dont think im being unreasonable to not want other children to spoil the magic for my youngest
santa isnt exactly an awful lie to tell is it?

Boobiliboobiliboo · 30/09/2019 15:54

If you read (even some of) the thread you’d see why some people would prefer not to tell that lie.

I’m too busy working to summarise a 39 page thread for you. I’m sure your housework is faaaaaaar too important to interrupt informing yourself before dumping your opinion in though.

MRSsqueak · 30/09/2019 16:19

i have read some and i have seen some of the reasons but if you read my comment you would see that i said its upto other parents what they do but i said i would be furious if someone elses child spoilt it for mine. i do think it will be difficult at such a young age to keep them from spoiling it for others. i dont have a problem with other people parenting however they see fit as long as it isnt abusive of course. the only time it would bother me is if it affected my children in a negative way. i wouldnt want the magic of christmas spoilt for them. my dc's know the religious meaning of christmas and they also know its not all about presents etc more about having a nice time with family.
other people have made worse comments than me.
i dont expect anyone to summarise the thread for me thanks there are bigger issues in the world

Boobiliboobiliboo · 30/09/2019 16:55

i do think it will be difficult at such a young age to keep them from spoiling it for others.

Be assured that my 9 year old has never “spoiled it” for anyone. But then we didn’t start at “no Santa”, we started at “some people believe”, as we do with all belief systems. She’s a very respectful child. There are many posts in this thread confirming that it’s more likely to be ex-believers who are the most enthusiastic about dispelling the myth. Not those left to make their own minds up.

Doesn’t stop our own winter “magic” being spoiled by others insisting on pretending that Santa is real for months and months every year. Presumably that’s all hunky dory, so long as your children get their lie.

MRSsqueak · 30/09/2019 21:02

like i said every parent can parent how they want i just dont want it upsetting my dc's. all well and good if they dont go and tell other peoples dc's. my husband is an atheist but he doesnt go down our local church telling all the people at sunday service that god isnt real Grin

Biber · 30/09/2019 21:19

We never did the Santa thing, but then, Christmas took a backstage role compared to Solstice. The year we also did Saturnalia in a big way when studying the Romans we were too exhausted to bother with anything on the 25th.

It doesn't seem to have messed the offspring unduly. Christmas is full of stories and that's how we approached it. That there are stories that some people believe.

We never wanted to deceive them when small, and they knew all about gifting as they were involved in gifts for their friends and relatives from a very early age.

Good for you OP. Go with what is right for you as a family.

Boobiliboobiliboo · 30/09/2019 21:42

all well and good if they dont go and tell other peoples dc's.

But if someone else’s kids told your kids that ghosts and vampires and zombies were real I suspect you’d be less than impressed. Why is Santa any different?

drspouse · 01/10/2019 08:16

Lots of children have told mine that ghosts etc are real. Currently waiting to see if they are going to work out about Father Christmas, or ghosts, first.

Mephisto · 07/10/2019 20:18

Atheists teaching their kids about Father Christmas under the guise of 'magic' is the height of hypocrisy.

00100001 · 08/10/2019 07:10

Why hypocrisy?

Christmas isn't a solely Christian festival. Never has been. Has been the amalgamation of many traditions/folklore/religious beliefs.

chicken2015 · 08/10/2019 07:22

I found out about father christmas not being real at 4 years old , I seen father christmas in a shop window on a break had his beard off jacket off smoking was the 1980s and my dad told me then, it didn't ruin christmas for me I still remember getting so excited every Christmas eve. The people saying it will ruin the magic of Christmas is laughable . I'm not going to promote the lie but I'm not going to tell them the truth either just see how it goes. I wouldn't want my children believing all the presents come from father Christmas either. I want them to understand about joy of giving to. Also I hate the whole naughty nice list thing where u wont get presents if naughty. What about children who's parents don't have much and children don't get much ?

DwangelaForever · 08/10/2019 07:32

Oh my word I think that makes you horrible. Why would you want to take the magic from Christmas, in this day and age there is very little magic left in the world for our kiddies and I think Santa is deffo something to be held on to!

AllTheWhoresOfMalta · 08/10/2019 07:36

My Granny did this to my Mum and uncle. Neither of them think this was a brave choice for the truth but do frequently talk about what a miserable old boot my grandmother was and how she made their childhoods miserable.

Anniegetyourgun · 08/10/2019 12:11

Ah, the annual festive slugfest over literal belief in the Great Christmas Lie. I'd like to say I've missed it but... I haven't. All I'll say this year is that a large number of posters seem to be pushing the "there is very little magic left in the world" line when actually I think there is more than ever before. Some may even reckon there is more magic than real life, and that this is not always a good thing; but as a fantasy lover myself I don't particularly go along with that.

My DM believed in magic and made it real for us with the fabulous decorations, cribs, fairy castles and the like every year. She didn't tell us "FC" (as he was always referred to) was real, and indeed would have been hard put to it to convince us after the year I woke up and heard her cussing as she dropped the stocking several times. As far as I know no sherry was even involved! "Rustle rustle blast" was a family joke for years after. And we loved it.

The real fun sponge was DF, but that was nothing to do with truth or fantasy. He was just a miserable git. To be fair, he did used to read us The Christmas Carol over several nights on the lead-up, cut holly branches from the garden and put them up around the hall (as late as possible before the guests came on Christmas evening, usually). He also whipped up a mean brandy butter. But my word, did he grouch about it.

Er, that was supposed to be short, wasn't it? I think I would have done better to say "everything that multivac said, with brass knobs on". But it's typed now, so you're getting it.

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