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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this won't ruin Christmas?

978 replies

CaterpillarInTheGarden · 23/09/2019 09:14

Mil was saying it won't be long until dc will believe in santa-claus (dc is only 22 months so surely it would be next Christmas not the upcoming Christmas Hmm). I mentioned we were thinking of not doing the whole santa-claus thing and telling him the truth. Mil said how awful I was, and I will be ruining Christmas for my dc and that I'm a very selfish women.

AIBU to think that's a over reaction and it won't ruin Christmas. Any of you not do the whole santa-claus thing for Christmas?

OP posts:
supermommyof4 · 25/09/2019 12:15

Will you also be making sure they know heaven and god aint real either, neither is the Easter bunny, tooth fairy etc.
Religion is based on make believe books, it's not real but yet it is taught to children.
I think its kinda sad, they really are not children for very long and they.soon figure it out as they get older and the magic is gone.
I can't wait till I have grandchildren so i can make it magical for them, is be gutted if my children took that away.

Boobiliboobiliboo · 25/09/2019 12:24

Will you also be making sure they know heaven and god aint real either, neither is the Easter bunny, tooth fairy etc.

Everything has been presented as “some people believe, what do you believe?”. There’s been a fair amount of death around DD and we’ve never used heaven or God to explain any of it (some of her cousins have been brought up religious). DD hasn’t batted an eyelid and likes the scientific explanation that we are all stardust. She’s opted not to believe in Easter bunnies and was horrified at the thought of anything taking away teeth that she could “use for experiments”.

It’s not us demanding that she doesn’t believe - she can believe whatever she likes. She’s chosen not to, because it doesn’t make sense to her.

skyblu · 25/09/2019 12:48

I’m with your MIL! For goodness sake, why you would you even think of doing this?!
If you don’t like how commercial Christmas has become then I can understand that, but you can still let your children enjoy the magic of Santa & Christmas and do it your way.

They are children...let them BE children & enjoy that magical fantasy at least for a few years!

multivac · 25/09/2019 12:50

That FC occupies a powerful cultural significance for the British that goes far beyond logic

Yes, of course. But like all cultural memes, there is a spectrum of interpretation and engagement, including opting out of it completely. I'm struggling to think of another cultural trope that inspires such horror and vitriol when someone simply doesn't find it necessary, let alone important.

Moomin8 · 25/09/2019 12:54

I cannot imagine any well rounded adult feeling betrayed because their parents lied about Santa.

No but as a child it's pretty humiliating to discover the truth via children at school who laugh at you for not knowing the truth.

PookieDo · 25/09/2019 13:08

The biggest problem with people belittling other parents for not wanting to engage in this (very commercialised) tradition is the insinuation that it is bad parenting to do so, and is cruel.

I think the concept it is cruel is very unpleasant and misguided, and says more about how entrenched people are with the idea of Christmas rather than practices and the meaning. For many people Santa has no significant meaning, this doesn’t mean they will have an awful Christmas in any way shape or form, or traumatise their children

It can’t be compared directly with religion but plenty of people send their kids to faith schools even when the child may not believe in religion. We can decide whether we want our children to follow what we say, or we can let them have the freedom to choose. That is what parenting is all about - making decisions such as these

SenecaFalls · 25/09/2019 13:16

I remember wondering as a child why Santa didn't give better gifts to poor children. As a result, I did downplay the whole Santa thing with my own children. But I am in the US; Christmas is not as big a deal or as culturally significant in the States as it is in the UK.

pumkinspicetime · 25/09/2019 13:31

@SenecaFalls
I have noticed this since living in the States and I have to say I enjoy Christmas rather more here because it is less pressured and manic. (Plus we often get snow)

Jesse70 · 25/09/2019 13:36

He will also tell other kids and ruin it for them which is unfair I think.
If someone told my daughter he wasn't true I would be pissed as I love Xmas and I loved it when I was a kid and it was all magical

from123toabc · 25/09/2019 13:37

In 3 years time your child will be at school and won't know not to tell all his little friends that Santa isn't real either, I'd be so upset if this happened to my DD.
Let him believe in something

PuppyMonkey · 25/09/2019 13:37

Christmas isn’t a big deal in the US? Is that really true?

What about Elf and Home Alone and It’s a Wonderful Life and every single classic Christmas movie ever made?Shock

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 25/09/2019 13:42

Puppy - I grew up in NY and it was definitely true. We were more ethnically diverse as a community than most places I've seen in the UK and around 30-40% of kids at school did not celebrate Christmas. It was a big deal for those who did but not so much at school or in public places. So no school nativity plays, lights displays in public were 'winter lights' rather than Xmas lights, etc.

SenecaFalls · 25/09/2019 13:47

Halloween and Thanksgiving in the US help keep Christmas at bay.

ItIsWhatItIsInnit · 25/09/2019 13:50

I actually wish I had believed but I was a super cynical child and sussed it all out very early on. I never went around shouting "Santa isn't real" because I thought it was obviously all a big game we were all in on - I didn't think anyone else genuinely believed either...the story had too many holes in it.

I remember asking a shopping centre Santa for a scooter then got some shitty juggling balls. I also remember at age 6 writing a secret letter on Xmas eve asking for K'nex, to test out if it really was Santa or just my parents - obviously never got it, so figured out it's just my parents. I actually think all the mall Santas with fake beards sort of ruin the notion that it's one guy, because you see about 10 different ones before the 25th.

pallisers · 25/09/2019 13:59

I agree christmas isn't as big a thing in the US. Thanksgiving (my favourite holiday) means it doesn't really start up until the beginning of December and people don't automatically assume that every family does santa. We've had lovely magical winter holiday concerts at school without referencing the nativity - we get the nativity at church.

We did Santa but fairly low-key. No north pole watches or santa experiences. My children had no problem understanding that some families didn't have santa. Santa still brings a stocking for everyone in the house and my youngest is 18. If you don't want to do it, don't tell your child that Santa doesn't exist. Instead say that some families have Santa and some don't.

ladydoe · 25/09/2019 13:59

I really do have to sit here and chuckle to myself as the religious ones on here say, you shouldnt lie to a child about Santa, tooth fairy etc... and yet you tell them magic sky man called god is real. I find this astounding.

SoyDora · 25/09/2019 14:03

To be honest I’ve never met a child over 4 or 5 who absolutely, resolutely believes. All the children I know have a healthy dose of cynicism!
DD1 is 5 and I could tell that last year she was sceptical as it didn’t add up. I just told her it’s like unicorns and fairies... you decide whether you believe or not.

choli · 25/09/2019 14:05

f you think the Brit’s are bad, try Ireland. Santa is even more important and valued here.
True. It's in the Irish media every year about poorer families getting into debt with often less than legal moneylenders to fund the all important Santa extravaganza. Well done Ireland!

Baguetteaboutit · 25/09/2019 14:14

Let's just stop doing anything so that nobody else gets into debt trying to do the same. No holidays. No furniture. No weddings. No cars. No houses.

I can hear the fun sponges trying to repress a silent cheer from here.

multivac · 25/09/2019 14:16

And let's make sure that everyone marks every celebration in exactly the same way. Same rituals. Same food. Same colour scheme. Same gifts. Same compulsory participation.

Because there ain't no fun like overly-regulated fun!

Baguetteaboutit · 25/09/2019 14:19

Meh, I'm not very invested in that one. I think the op is miserable to swerve santa to spite her mil, but otherwise I'm happy for people to do what they like.

multivac · 25/09/2019 14:20

Oh, I think we've moved a long way away from what the OP may or may not choose to do... Grin

lunicorn · 25/09/2019 14:24

This is a dilemma that will involve compromise as there is no perfect outcome for you.
I hated lying about Santa to my daughter, because I didn't like deceiving her and she really was frightened of him. When Santa gave out presents at play group, she cried and hid near me.
But, most children do believe in Father Christmas and if your child were to tell other children, that would be a massive no no.
I'd go with a fudge. Don't make a massive thing of it. If, before they're 9ish, they say they don't believe, say something like, "some people believe and some don't."

Orlandointhewilderness · 25/09/2019 14:26

Those of you who are so hating of the consumerism of Christmas should perhaps read Dickens Christmas Carol. It certainly isn't in this house - it is a time of peace and kindness, where we have time to stop and treasure each other. Christmas is what you make it.

Baguetteaboutit · 25/09/2019 14:29

I don't know, Orlando, as I remember, Scrooge definitely ram raids the butchers and the toy shop.