To have a list of deal breakers? JUST FOR FUN!

[Pennypringles]

I'm very recently single so not anywhere near ready to mingle. I'm 48 and know what I want though. Thinking far into future dating any potential partner would have to meet certain criteria (my kids obviously) and certain things would be deal breakers. I couldn't date a racist for example. Probably not a smoker. I'd need to know their politics and views on Brexit 🤣
Just for fun what would your deal breakers be?
What questions would you ask?
It's all sounding a bit Rosie Project!

I saw that too Bucatini, I was trying to erase it from my mind

Forgot to include- facial hair

@itsallverywell

Also overly emotional. I had an ex who cried a lot. I couldn’t bear it

Must not be close to grandparents or visit elderly relatives or have nieces or nephews. I just.... What? Why? That is honestly mental. As you say, I think it is lucky you are already married, Vegan.

@MariusJosipovic I know! I did say I'm awful

Smoking
Poor personal hygiene in any area
Too sweary
Holds knife like pencil
Stupid
Racist/homophobe/misogynist (although I guess if they were those things they’d also be stupid)

I think I would have once said snoring and farting but DH developed these delightful traits after I married him and it didn’t seem worth breaking the family up over them. I must be getting more tolerant.

I'm sure if I really thought about it I could come up with some pretty awful ones too! I don't really like dogs

I'm so fascinated @VeganVeganVegan - WHY no sister?! What about brothers? You are definitely going to hell but I'm just interested why...

This might be a controversial one but I think bisexual would be a deal breaker for me. I can’t rationalise why, but the thought of having a partner who is attractive to men as well as women makes me feel insecure. Very interested to know if others can relate or if they think this is narrow minded of me

I think it's because I don't get on with my own sister nor women in general. I can just picture a spoilt sister and it would cause huge arguments so better not to have a sister . A brother is fine but not be close to a sil

When I started feeling ready to entertain a new relationship after my divorce, I did have a few criteria, which included:

must share my faith, general political/ethical values and like music, not be a drug-taker or heavy drinker or be overly invested in his appearance - I don’t go for that very groomed look at all, and I don’t like tattoos or piercings.

I found a teetotaller who nips along to the barbers for a £10 short back and sides, has a vast and constantly growing music collection and spends a fortune on books.

I loved my ex's sister so much! When we split up I was more sad about losing her than I was about a 3 year relationship going down the pan!

The misogyny is coming from inside the house, @VeganVeganVegan!

Seriously though. Your dealbreakers are your own business, but 'all women are hard work and I don't want my SO to have any close friends or family in over half the population' is a big old red flag for some internalised anti-women nonsense.

I think one of my dealbreakers would NOT having any female friends, or not being close to any women at all. The best men I know have female friends and I'm sure this is why they're not the type of guys who see women as a whole different species.

Clingy
Needy
Need to be Velcro.

When I was single mine were:

-No drugs
-No tattoos
-Not a Tory
-Nice family
-Good spelling and grammar
-Has to like house/dance music
-Has the "stocky" build
-Must be funny
-Has to deal with my constant farting

I got them all in my husband YAY

This might be a controversial one but I think bisexual would be a deal breaker for me. I can’t rationalise why, but the thought of having a partner who is attractive to men as well as women makes me feel insecure. Very interested to know if others can relate or if they think this is narrow minded of me

As a happily married bisexual, this makes me a bit sad!

I don't think it's your fault that you feel this way; the way the media treats bisexuals creates the impression that because we're attracted to men and women, we must want to have both. I think people feel like if a bisexual is in a relationship with a woman, they must inevitably feel like they're missing out on what they might get from a man (and vice versa). The reality is, it's like being in any monogamous relationship - other people exist who you could be attracted to, but you disregard them because you've committed to one person. The genders of the others you might otherwise have been attracted to are irrelevant.

I'm 55 and happily married but have kissed a lot of frogs in my time. Here are my deal-breakers:
smoker
immoderate drinker
drugs
petrolhead
racist/sexist etc
penny-pinching
mean to children or animals
not environmentally aware
shorter than me and/or with smaller feet (I'm 5' 5" and I just don't like it, sorry everyone)
can't/won't cook
visible tattoos
piercings
poor personal hygiene
dirty clothes (unless gardening etc)
flakey/disorganised (DH tries my patience with his aversion to Planning Ahead for the Weekend)
Intolerance e.g. referring to vegetarian meals as "rabbit food" (I'm not vegetarian)
I'd better stop there!

I dunno really, I could make allowances for most things if I really liked someone

Exceptions: hateful attitudes to people

Me and my partner are very very similar in lots of ways and very different in lots of other ways. I think that sometimes any extremes of our characters are tempered by the differences we have as a couple.

@boujie

I think you nailed it in the head with your post

I also am excluded by most people's lists, where they've bothered to make an actual list

Deal breakers:
Smoking
Wanting kids
Being any kind of racist, sexist, homophobe, transphobe etc
Drugs
Not liking dogs

There's probably more but I can't think right now haha

Oh yes, football/sports fan. Nope.

I knew I'd remember more as soon as I hit post 🙄

Also religion. Any religion. Deal breaker.

@TulipsTulipsTulips I'm bisexual and in a relationship, but honestly I get it. It makes me sad that people see us as that way, but I also don't blame you for thinking that. Ultimately if being with someone bisexual will make you feel insecure and unhappy, then that's not the relationship for you.