To have a list of deal breakers? JUST FOR FUN!

[Pennypringles]

I'm very recently single so not anywhere near ready to mingle. I'm 48 and know what I want though. Thinking far into future dating any potential partner would have to meet certain criteria (my kids obviously) and certain things would be deal breakers. I couldn't date a racist for example. Probably not a smoker. I'd need to know their politics and views on Brexit 🤣
Just for fun what would your deal breakers be?
What questions would you ask?
It's all sounding a bit Rosie Project!

Long fingernails (I just can't)
Into football (watching)
Not a feminist (I NEED to have a feminist partner)
Right wing politics (yeah no thanks)
Not into RPG/board games/fantasy (did this once, it made life pretty hard for my hobbies)
Racist
Can't cook (can't be doing with men who can't feed themselves)
Lazy
Smoking
Drug taking (this includes weed if more regularly than once a year)

Preferably 35-45
Taller than me
Not too slender - I don't want to break him
Accepting of DCs and the fact SN rules our life
Honest
Not smelly, good hygiene is a must
No long and/or dirty finger or toe nails
Tolerant of all - eg not racist, sexist, disabilist etc
Gainfully employed
No criminal activity
Kind hearted to all - old people, animals, children etc
Have good manners
Be able and capable in every day life - I don't need another child
Be good at DIY
Cook and preferably cook different dishes to those which I normally cook
Be tidy around the house
Make me laugh
Not be brash and showy
No excessive drinking definitely no drunkeness
Prefer a non smoker
Must drive
Be able to hold a decent conversation
No sports obsessions
No gaming obsessions
No leering at women either in person or in TV/Online
Have an interest in history
Not take longer than me to use the bathroom and get dressed
Not be afraid to disagree with me, I need a strong man who can challenge me when necessary
Good communicator
Not be needy
Not be selfish
Patient
Make me feel loved and secure

The above man did exist, I was married to him and I doubt I will ever replace him. Have to remain optimistic though. I'm hoping one day I meet someone who fits the above description currently I'm single (not ready to mingle) but with a list like this I probably always will be!

Deal breakers for me:
Debts other than mortgage.
Clingy/no friends/hobbies/social life.
No sense of humour.
Dislike for animals.
Bad tempered.
Plays relationship games.
Cold/unemotional.
Unconfident.
Big headed.
Controlling.

Usual stuff, not racist/sexist/homophobic/misogynistic. All my potential partners would be female but it’s surprising how many display the latter three of those. No bad personal hygiene, drug use or heavy drinking. Being either stingy or irresponsible with money is out. Obviously they’d have to like kids as well, as I have one.

More specifically would have to be able to engage in debate without using the words bigot or phobic. Absolutely nobody who cannot define the word woman without using the words identify as or lives as or reverting to stereotypical gendered behaviours.

Would need to be loosely in line with my political ideals- no right wing views.

Voted remain.

Likes and respects animals and people.

Interested in nature and conservation.

Doesn’t watch horror films.

Enjoys cycling.

Non smoker.

No drugs, other than the occasional use of prescription drugs.

Funny.

Kind.

Good hygiene.

Generous.

Luckily I found him!

Long unkempt fingernails
Male "lesbians"
Untidiness/sloppiness
Rudeness/offhandedness to waiting staff
Prior to eating a lasagne I'd spent all day making, stirring it all up vigorously (with ketchup ) rendering it into a preposterous pile of gluey shite. They did this to something that contained truffle oil.
men who say thank you as they orgasm

Sorry- by voted remain, I meant didn’t vote leave.

With the 'using the correct to/too/two' I would add 'knowing where and when to use the correct to/too/two without having to look it up.' Knowing words like 'lachrymose' and 'susseration' and not looking at me weirdly when I use them.
Being interested in the world, not saying things like 'well, I'll never go there so why should I care?'

(These are lighthearted in keeping with the thread title!)

• Anything more than a passing interest in football
• 'Gaming' of any kind
• Dislike of animals
• Wearing trainers other than when engaged in sport or exercise
• Wearing tracksuit ditto
• Tattoos
• Flicking from channel to channel on TV rather than putting it on for a specific programme and turning it off when the programme ends
• Not reading books
• Liking any popular music that came out after 1996
• Having a group of friends he refers to as 'the lads'
• Having a shaven head unless he is already bald/balding
• Using corporate-speak non-ironically
• Having one of those giant tube things through his earlobe

I would not get along with:
someone who was physically inactive
someone who was racist/right-wing/pro-Brexit

that's about it.

I don't mind if they smoked or even did drugs as long as it's not all the time and doesn't impact on day to day life. And I'm not arsed if they can't cook as I can't either.

Oh, I forgot one more thing- I HATE jealousy.

I cannot abide it. As soon as anyone shows a whiff of it, I'm off.

It's interesting because 2 of my deal breakers (tattoos and drug taking) DH did/had done but no longer does now he's married to me because I told him I didn't want to explain to the children that Daddy died because he was too selfish to put them first. It worked. Other things are fundamentally incompatible and others are somewhere you can work through together. Racism is an absolute no because it shows they think they are superior because of something that is absolutely nothing to do with them and over something that no one can change and has absolutely no diffence in who someone is.

Politics however I'm a malleable person who is drawn towards policies rather than parties so could vote any which way providing the party reflects my values at the time.

Bloody hell. Some of these lists are long. Mine would be...

No misogyny
No drugs
Not bad with money
Not noticeably less intelligent than me
Not a Brexit voter
No bad hygiene
Not messy
Not lazy
Not politically to the right
Not obsessed with watching sports
No one with no ambition

Ok so my list is long too.

Rude to waiters.
Tight fisted
Messy
Brexiteer
Tory
Not liking animals
Has a name for his penis
Earlobe expanders
Man bun
Feathery stroker
Y fronts

I have been with DP for fourish years and I feel I have learnt a lot during that time. This means that I now have a very long list of deal breakers that mean, should I meet DP again for the first time now, we wouldn't make it past the first date!!

I would not date anyone who -

• Chews with their mouth open
• Eats noisily
• Suffers with road rage
• VAPES FUCKING FUCKING VAPES. DP didn't even smoke and yet took up vaping and the rank smell of the sweet, chemical shite that he spends £60 or more on a week is in my hair, in my clothes... [cries] and the rattling noise it makes as he sucks on it every 30 seconds DRIVES ME INSANE
• Thinks whistling at women in the street is acceptable
• Doesn't think white male privilege is a thing
• Thinks date rape isn't that big a deal
• Pisses in a glass at the side of the bed instead of making it downstairs to the bathroom in the middle of the night
• Brushes his teeth with just water
• Doesn't use soap in the shower
• Picks and eats his own chest hair and pubes

Oh I needed that. Thanks OP.

Misogynists, racists, TERFs, classists...
Right wing politics, especially on social issues.
Lack of ambition.
Lack of compassion.
Not interested in the world around them - dated someone who didn't give a shit what was happening in the news, politics, etc and I found his lack of interest in the world off-putting.
Mega gym type.
Motorbike rider.

I'd rather be celibate than date a Tory.

God God, some of these posts! As a couple of posters have said, no wonder some of you are terminally single.

I can understand people wanting a man who doesn't smoke, isn't a heavy drinker, or a gambler, and has good hygiene and good teeth etc, but lots of stuff on peoples lists is just bizarre or daft (or both.)

No-one is perfect, and most people are in marriages/LTRs with people who are not perfect too. Most people have partners who have irksome habits and traits, but you learn to accept them and live with it. (Not least because you are not bloody perfect yourself.)

Some people on here must think very highly of themselves with their lists of what men must and must not be like, and what qualities and traits they must and must not possess.

And the single posters who are 30-35+, who are hoping for a man with no children and no baggage, are living in a dream world.

The kind of men some posters are looking for on here do not exist. As I said, no wonder some people are terminally single.

bluegirlgreen Did you miss the 'just for fun' in the OP's heading? Of course people know that in the real world, one must compromise, and one's partner will also be compromising on one's own faults.

For the record, I managed to find a DH who met my personal wishlist - but he has some of the deal breakers mentioned by others!

@ScreamingValenta

Putting 'just for fun' in the title doesn't make a jot of difference.

People usually put that as an excuse to make out they're only kidding, or it's 'lighthearted,' but it never is. People hide behind 'just lighthearted' or 'just kidding' as an excuse to air rude and obnoxious views and opinions...

Has to believe in marriage.
Respect my religious ideals. If not be the same religion.
Not ignorant, willing to see different pov and think outside the box.
Doesn't love animals more than humans.
No long nails.
No long beard unless he looks like a Greek God to make up for it.
Decent teeth.
Not an excessive drinker.
Not a drug user.
Good with money.
Intelligent and friendly
Kind.
Emotionally available.
Like children and want children.
Not believe that unless a woman works outside the home then she is not equal.

Not homophobic although I believe being anti gay marriage is not being homophobic. (We don't have to agree with each other 100 percent to show tolerance and human decency.)
Not transphobic but not swept away with all the current trans ideology (which is taking away women's rights and subjecting children to cruelty which I think there will be lawsuits about in years to come.)

Not racist is a given. As is to not vote tory.

I would forgive a leave voter if not racist and ignorant as heard and read some things that in 2016 regarding the EU army and further integration that led some to vote leave. However would have to have changed mind in the last 3 years now we know what leave will look like.

Doesn't pay for at least himself.

Doesn't get it up.

bluegreengirl I don't think it's rude/obnoxious to have opinions about what you'd personally like or dislike in a partner. Listing preferences for a partner isn't the same as listing preferences for humans generally, or even what you'd like in a platonic friendship.

If you're going to live with someone, you need to make sure as far as possible that you're not going to annoy one another; that your hobbies and interests are compatible if not the same, and that even if he/she falls short of your physical ideal, you're not actually turned off by any aspect of their appearance. If you make too many compromises, your relationship will be doomed.

You can respect someone's right to, say, enjoy football, vote for Brexit, have poor hygiene, or dress in a way you find deeply unattractive but respecting their right to do that doesn't mean you have to enter into a relationship with them if you know that, long term, whatever it is is going to cause friction between you.

If s/he were any of the following it would be a deal breaker for me:

Racist
Sexist
Transphobic
Homophobic
Misogynistic
Poor personal hygiene
'My ex was a psycho'
Lazy around the house
Voted for Brexit
Tory
Unintelligent
A gamer

Anyone who styles himself a guru, or lectures in the style of woke bro's to hide his abhorrent views on other people.

Anyone who begins an explanation of his behaviour with ''what it is, is...''