To think she brought it all on herself

[FirstTimeMummyDS88]

Link to previous thread

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3635012-to-be-over-the-moon-my-dp-has-finally-took-his-balls-out-of-mummy-s-handbag-and-told-her-where-to-go

So I anyone has read my previous threads about my horrendous relationship with my PIL and SIL you will know we have been completely NC for a while now since we found out I'm pregnant with our second baby (we have a 16 month old DS and I'm 17 weeks pregnant with DS2)

Myself and DP got married last Saturday, it was a very small registry office wedding and it was only my family and we had 2 friends each there. DP (oh it's DH now haha) has gone tonight to break the news to his parents. Even after everything I'm sitting here now imagining how i would feel missing my sons wedding and I start to feel bad for her but then I know when DH gets home he will tell me how she said I'm the devil and it's al my fault and how I've stolen her boys again

Having just read the linked thread, I think you all sound horrendous! MIL calling you a cow, 14 year old shouting at her, you, DH, SIL all swearing at each other. Such unnecessary attitudes from the lot of you. You sound like a family straight out of Shameless! And now you're taking great delight in rubbing your secret wedding in her nose. My prediction is that your very new DH will end up seeing more of his dm, you'll tell him he's not allowed to, he'll continue and then you'll end up splitting up. All because you're sooo rude.
I think you need to grow up.

The only thing I disagree with you on is not allowing your new husband to talk to you about his experience with his parents. If he can’t confide in his new wife about what will probably be a very difficult and traumatic conversation, who is he supposed to turn to for support?

1. @Soontobe60

1. Where did I say my brother shouted at my MIL, he calmly and quietly asked her to not insult his sister at a kids party

1. I never wanted MiL to know about our wedding, I didn't want DH to tell her

1. It was DH's choice to go NC. I agree he's awful at it and is struggling but I'd rather he just say that, I would never tell him he can't see him family, I just don't want them around me

@OMGshefoundmeout

Yeah I can see your point and of course as mad as I am at him I can understand it, she's his mum and he loves her and I know he will come home upset. I think I was just trying to avoid arguing by refusing to speak about it, probably not really feasible though

I'm familiar with your previous threads.
She has brought it all on herself. I understand your DH wanting to let his mum know rather than hurting her further by letting her find out from someone else. Be kind when he comes home.
Many congratulations on your wedding.

Think your rubbing their faces in it, uncalled for regardless of the past, these are your DH parents. About time you stopped enjoying the drama tbh. And yes i read your previous threads.

@MontyDyson

How am I rubbing their faces in it?
I didn't go to tell them

So this is actually your third thread about the situation? (Or does the third thread link you to a forth thread )

Seriously, what more do you want people to say?

This is like the Russian doll of threads!

How is she rubbing it in their faces? It wasn't her decision and she didn't want him to go.

People come onto MN to vent at a stressful time. That's what 50% of threads are.

How about not saying anything if you don’t have something supportive to say??

I don't think you're rubbing their faces in it. And I'm enjoying your updates.
Mind you, I can be very nosey!

Crunchymum
I don’t agree. Ops dh is struggling with nc and boundaries. He is probably also desperate to seek his parents approval.

I think it’s fine for op to discuss it again. He is trying to leave an abusive relationship with his parents. He is acting much like an abused partner, who doesn’t leave the moment they’re told to contact women’s aid. Emotions are complex. The hold people have on others is complex.

I’ve been told to go Nc with my mother. I chose not to. I got good boundaries in place instead. She knows not to mess with me. It took me a long time to get to this point. I was not successful with my violent brother and sil, the latter of whom has psychopathic traits. They are both very scary in different ways and therefore nc was the only route.

OP, please don't feel like you need to justify yourself to these people. I'd imagine most of them have never had any real, challenging familial relationships, and so can't understand the complexities of the issue.

Not in my case. My DH parents are horrendous people. We have nothing to do with them. They weren’t told we were getting married, weren’t invited, weren’t told afterwards. We’ve chosen to protect ourselves from them and that means a happy life now free of drama and bull shit. They barely cross my mind. I just don’t care. It’s wonderful. You can’t do that if you engage and even less so if you reach out to people like this. You can’t reason with them, that’s why you cut contact and protect your family unit.

OP's DH only starting disengaging 2 months ago though. IMO he's done well to get this far without making contact.

How he'll feel after today though is another matter.

@MontyDyson

I'm not backtracking at all. I said I'm having conflicting emotions because I'm hormonal and upset with my DH for telling his parents about the wedding, surely he should have thought about them finding out or telling them before the wedding. And if he doesn't want to go NC then that's his decision and he can do what he wants I just don't want them around me or around DS unsupervised. I've said that all along and in my previous thread

Sorry to hear your MIL is a nightmare. It’s so damaging to relationships. Your husband understandably finds it hard not to have a relationship with his mother, you understandably find it hard to have one with her. The only seeming solution is for her to change her personality. Hope it works out.

Think your maths is off though, how is your son 16 months? You said on 11 July your son was a year two weeks ago. So he’s born end of June and is under 15 months now? This is not important obviously!

@Iwrotethissongfor

He's closer to 16 months than 15, I just tend to round it up

I am sad it's come to this, I never wanted it to go this far I just wanted her to back off a bit

@Iwrotethissongfor

Do you know what I don't even know what date it is 😂😂
He's a baby between 1-2
How long does baby brain last?

Anyway DH is on way home
He's just txt to say sorry he's been so long he stopped to get Petrol and go shop and will be home in 10

@Iwrotethissongfor OPs quite often change age, gender etc to avoid being recognised in real life. Then assholes come along and try and pick holes in everything. Fucking armchair detectives.

Hes not really nc with her is he-3 times in 3 months is still seeing them i only my df once a month

hope this hasnt kicked anything off again with him telling them about the wedding

Jesus there's some harsh responses on this thread.

So basically If I refuse to have a conversation with about it all with DH I'm an unsupportive heartless how aren't I

But if I do talk to him then I'm trying to get gossip and "thriving on the drama"