To think she brought it all on herself

[FirstTimeMummyDS88]

Link to previous thread

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3635012-to-be-over-the-moon-my-dp-has-finally-took-his-balls-out-of-mummy-s-handbag-and-told-her-where-to-go

So I anyone has read my previous threads about my horrendous relationship with my PIL and SIL you will know we have been completely NC for a while now since we found out I'm pregnant with our second baby (we have a 16 month old DS and I'm 17 weeks pregnant with DS2)

Myself and DP got married last Saturday, it was a very small registry office wedding and it was only my family and we had 2 friends each there. DP (oh it's DH now haha) has gone tonight to break the news to his parents. Even after everything I'm sitting here now imagining how i would feel missing my sons wedding and I start to feel bad for her but then I know when DH gets home he will tell me how she said I'm the devil and it's al my fault and how I've stolen her boys again

I remember OP’s previous posts about her awful MIL and I don’t blame her for going NC and not wanting them to know about the wedding (My father didn’t know I got married) BUT I really don’t understand why her DH has gone to see them to tell them this. It’s pointless and will just cause more trouble.
Congrats OP on the wedding but NC is NC

Just see the update firsttime, I hope he doesn’t blame you when it all blows up in his face

I understnd why he has gone to tell them, he is trying to do the decent thing by making sure his parents dont hear the news on the grapevine.

I would just like to say again that I haven't sent him or told him to say anything. I don't want him to tell them, I don't want the arguments to start up again and myself and DH actually had an argument about him going round to tell them but again he is a grown man and I can't tell him what to do I can only give my opinion and advice

AND I've told DH I don't want to know anything about it, his relationship with his parents is his business and I am not a part of it, so when he gets home and tries to tell me how it went I will be telling him again I don't want to know and it's none of my concern

So why start this thread obviously gloating if you disagreed with his decision so much? Surely it’d be more “is my DH unreasonable for telling his parents we’re married despite us being NC” ?

Congratulations OP.
I sort of see where DH is coming from. Personally I think he should have let them hear through the grapevine, it would have sent a clearer message to them about their behaviour. I hope he really is prepared for the onslaught though. Yes they have brought it on themselves. They won't hear that or understand that though.

@Hoppinggreen

Thankyou

I completely agree with you about sticking to the NC and I have, me and DS have had no contact in months with any of them. And I'm not happy with what DH is doing but I've told him that and he's still decided he needs to tell them so what more can I do

How unnecessarily inflammatory, so what if they learn from someone else? You're supposedly NC, so that's what matters.

He also could've written or text, why visit in person to see their reaction maybe?

Odd

By going to talk to then and inviting their feedback he’s showing very clearly he’s not ready to detach.

Couldn’t you both have stepped back from inviting in drama, him by going, you by arguing, and focus on being recently married and the life you have ahead of you?

Your OP smelled strongly of gloating, a lot of people have picked up on that. Your updates are taking a very different tone. Not sure what’s going on here tbh but it’s a shame that something that should be a cause of happiness and celebration is being turned into yet another excuse for angst. I guess you knew who you were marrying so wishing you luck.

@FirstTimeMummyDS88 a shame he didn't take your feelings into consideration in all this, why reason did he give for ignoring how you felt? Surely it's " Otha your news" so you have a right to a say? I'd not. be happy with DH at all!

@Zebraaa

I didn't use that title because I myself think he's being unreasonable, but again it's his decision regarding his parents so I'm not going to interfere

I started the thread because I'm having such conflicting thoughts, part of me thinks we couldn't have done if another way, how we got married I mean, given all their past behaviour but then part of me thinks how upset I would be missing my child's wedding

By going to talk to then and inviting their feedback he’s showing very clearly he’s not ready to detach.

I agree

@spanglydangly

He just said he can't bear the idea of them hearing from someone else. But then I think surely he should have thought of that when he suggested getting married this way

Why are you wasting time musing on what she thinks? You hate and despise her, have cut her out of your life. Enjoy the peace and quiet. Honestly, you ARE gloating. Fair enough if her possible pain over being excluded makes you feel better after what she’s done to you in the past. But own it. Don’t try and portray fake empathy. It’s not a great look.

Sorry @FirstTimeMummyDS88 makes non sense, you're either no contact or not, I'm not sure he is happy with being NC.

Also, why not write, text or call? To go and see them seems either gloating or apologetic to me. He also should've taken your feelings into account.

If you chase drama and conflict with your children when they’re older, in the same way you seem to enjoy conflict with your MIL, there’s a good chance you’ll miss your DC’s weddings.

Confused. What’s the AIBU? You don’t know what her reaction is, you don’t want to know (apparently - I just don’t buy that) you made a decision to go NC but after everything that’s happened, and being smug that he chose you and not them, you all of a sudden have an attack of the guilts that she missed her son’s wedding?

@Derbee

I'm not chasing conflict with her, I don't have anything do do with her and haven't for months. If my DH is struggling with NC and chooses to go and see her then how is that me chasing conflict with her

You sound to a lot of people that you are enjoying the fact that your DH has gone to tell them news that will upset them.

@Yabbers

I don't know why I feel bad for her, maybe it's the pregnancy hormones raging. I know my DH is struggling with not having any contact with his family as much as he denies it and if I'm honest I think that's why he is using this as an excuse to go around. I'd rather him just tell me that while me and DS are no contact he still wants to see them now and again

@Derbee

I've said several times that we argued about him going because I didn't want him to

And framing it as false sounding sympathy. It may just be the way you come across by text I suppose. Who really knows?

I do agree with what @Derbee is saying, going NC with parents is massive and I do feel uncomfortable with the level of "look what we've done and you didn't even know" it seems like you still want to "hurt" and see the reaction rather than truly NC and detachment from their reaction.

Hmmm drama queen