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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand women who go with married men?

355 replies

Pennypringles · 22/09/2019 16:31

I know I'm old fashioned and have a really strong moral compass but I just don't understand it!
Obviously I know it takes two to tango and all that but I would never go with someone's husband however much "his wife doesn't understand him".

OP posts:
Fantie · 23/09/2019 11:48

@TwoHoots74 - it’s lucky you have the above poster to answer your questions for you as you clearly don’t know yourself Wink

*you may be able to reason with yourselves but society and myself will always judge you.

As I said earlier, I pity the poor unsuspecting men who have to scrape the barrel and find some of you lot deep in the bottom of it. I also pity the poor women married to men who also linger in the depths of said barrel*

Lucky most of us OW, including myself don’t actually care what YOU think about us.

And as for poor unsuspecting men... that comment is laughable.

Wehttam · 23/09/2019 12:08

HeadLikeAFuckingOrange you have my point wrong. The men I say I pity are those who end up in relationships with said OW not as married men. When life curses them by partnering them with such calculated callous deviants, that’s not just scraping the barrel, it’s finding the rot on the underneath.

Divebar · 23/09/2019 12:08

I work in a environment where affairs are rife.... nobody involved is unsuspecting. Everyone knows the score.

Fraggling · 23/09/2019 12:13

This thread has got quite funny.

Shall we bring back stoning? Only for women obv

Aridane · 23/09/2019 12:15

Stoning is too good for them 😯

Wehttam · 23/09/2019 12:18

Why only stone the women, the men are to blame too. Both parties are as bad.

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 23/09/2019 12:25

one of my friends had a relationship with a married man at work about 20 years ago, when we were in our early 20s. Despite us raising eyebrows and telling her not to be so naive, she chose to believe his bullshit about the relationship with his wife being over in all but name, sleeping in separate rooms, and him just staying in the house to have access to the kids.

She believed him until his wife got pregnant again, and she ended it immediately. I think she was a victim of this horrible man, albeit a lesser victim than his wife.

Fantie · 23/09/2019 12:27

Be done with it and just burn us OW at the Stake 🔥

ForalltheSaints · 23/09/2019 12:28

Ask Mr Johnson's mistresses. Including the one who allegedly received money from the public purse for her business.

Though in his case, you could ask any woman why they had such poor judgment.

Durgasarrow · 23/09/2019 12:29

I don't think one has to blame the Other Woman to ask this question. It's interesting to know why a reasonably smart person would walk into a buzzsaw willingly.

ChristmasFluff · 23/09/2019 12:39

Mostly the OW are deluded,in one way or another. They either don't know the bloke is married, or for some reason they think that a cheating scumbag would treat them differently.

All the crap about it being 'a symptom of a failing relationship', or 'down to a lack of sex'! It usually is down to the lack of principles and sense of entitlement on the part of the cheater. I'm with ChumpLady - I believe once people are over being cheated on, they often realise the relationship was pretty poor before - but down to the behaviour of the cheater. Usually the chump will have been putting their all into the relationship.

I never could get het up about the OW, because as @Actaea says, she was a stranger

TwoHoots74 · 23/09/2019 12:59

youjustdo thanks for taking the time to change my answers. The only one you possibly got right was are you a coward? Yes I probably am.
The one question I forgot to add was
Do I give a shit what strangers on the internet think of me? Do I fuck!!

Trouble with these threads is a lot of the women on here have been cheated on and most of the posters support the original poster and are so vitriol to anyone who dares disagree. As this thread is showing there are a lot more ow on mn than you can imagine.

Magicpaintbrush · 23/09/2019 13:22

Be done with it and just burn us OW at the Stake 🔥 - what an excellent suggestion. Yes, let's.

I don't think anybody is suggesting, actually, that it's not the cheating spouse who is the most to blame in these situations - they are. That's obvious. But it doesn't mean that the OW (or OM) is blameless. If they knowingly offer a married person an opportunity to cheat, KNOWING that their actions could ruin another person's life, well how the fuck can they justify that? "I don't know her" or "I don't owe her anything" or "it's not my responsibility" blah blah fucking blah. Just grow up and take responsibility for the fact that you're behaving like a cunt. Other people manage to behave in a way that is good and decent towards others - what's your excuse? You want something so you take it and bollocks to everyone else? That's the sort of thinking I'd expect from a child. It's pathetic.

Fantie · 23/09/2019 13:28

Ok, I behave like a cunt. I still don’t care about the wife.

She’s the husbands problem. Not mine.

Happyspud · 23/09/2019 13:30

Men who cheat are cheating bastards and scum. Women who sleep with married men are just scum. That’s my take.

DeeCeeCherry · 23/09/2019 13:30

There's just no point venting to OW who don't give a damn about you. Waste of energy, although I suppose it may make you feel good for a little while.

They don't care and nothing said about moral compass, responsibility, guilt etc etc etc will change that.

Its always women arguing with women on this tired subject, over men who very likely aren't even worth the effort.

Fraggling · 23/09/2019 13:30

Lip service only to men who cheat this thread is majority slagging off the women sometimes with very strong language.

Women really are blamed for the actions of men, each and every time.

Happyspud · 23/09/2019 13:32

This thread is about women who sleep with married men though. And I hold them accountable for knowingly causing another (sometimes a stranger but still) person deep pain.

HeadLikeAFuckinOrange · 23/09/2019 13:34

Women really are blamed for the actions of men, each and every time.

Always.

Bluntness100 · 23/09/2019 13:35

Op, I suspect you're being a bit disingenuous here. You know full well.

You meet someone, you like them, you're attracted, they tell you their marriage is over, it's only time before they leave, about how unhappy they are, you bond, get closer, and an affair happens.

It's a rare woman who gets with a married man after he tells her " I love my wife and just fancy a bit on the side". And it's a rare man that says it.

Fraggling · 23/09/2019 13:38

Right happyspud

And those poor men being led astray by these awful harpies

Where were those stones again?

Magicpaintbrush · 23/09/2019 13:44

Women really are blamed for the actions of men, each and every time.

No - that's not true, not AT ALL. Not in my world, or amongst anyone I know. Male or female, it is the person betraying their spouse who is vilified and held accountable. But this particular thread is specifically about OW, and the reasons behind why they do what they do. Anybody who wants to start a thread about why husband's cheat is welcome to do so and actually I'm sure I'm sure I have read plenty of threads about exactly that, and the cheating husbands have received an absolute pasting. It is a given that most people would say the cheating spouse is mostly to blame BUT that does not excuse the collusion of the OW/OM. Just because we recognise that the cheating spouse is most at fault it doesn't mean we don't find the behaviour of the OW/OM perplexing - hence the thread.

Fraggling · 23/09/2019 13:49

'Anybody who wants to start a thread about why husband's cheat is welcome to do so'

We already know the answer. Temptresses. As per the thread.

1moreRep · 23/09/2019 13:49

i work with men and a lot of married men tried it on with me when i was single, sometimes i would have no idea they were attached (as lots don't wear rings). I would go on a date, they would skip it in often after the first kiss and expect me to be ok.

It never was, it actually put me off me for a long time and i found it really depressing. It's insulting for men to believe that:

a) i would do that to another woman

b) i would be ok with sharing a man

Fraggling · 23/09/2019 13:49

What is perplexing.

It's obvious why 2 people have sex isn't it, or want to see each other? Because they want to. No more or less complicated than that.

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