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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

'Friend' of 20 years has cut me off- jealousy?

231 replies

MinxyMoos · 22/09/2019 12:32

I've wondered about my friend for a long time- let me explain- certain comments she's made to me over the years made me question if she was a friend and was actually jelous of me. Probably because of my bubbly, trusting nature, I always looked at any positives she had and that took me to 20 years of knowing her. My situation is that hubby and I comfortable money wise, have a loving extended family, I have many work colleague friends and am happy to say, well liked by my work bosses. (Can I add all our money is earned, I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth and I work pretty damn hard and produce good work for my bosses). There was one thing lacking in life according to her and that was children.
My friend is quite in love with herself, she would often look in the mirror and say "look no make up". I used to laugh. She is attractive but not to the extent she thinks she is. My friend has 2 kids and was desperate for a boy. She knows we were trying for children and I had miscarried a few times. Every time I got to work she would ask me if there was any news of a baby and do a pouty sad face in front of everyone. It was almost like she enjoyed my sadness!!!This hurt everytime, but I put it down to my hormones and that I needed to be less sensitive. But the questions were continuous. She knew how to say something horrid and then make it up with me. Once during a successful pregnancy I was due a down syndrome test and was very anxious cause of my age (39). I said to her that i'd feel better after the results were in, she said "oh I know someone who had the test and the results came back normal, but the baby was still born floppy"!!! I was so upset by her. I did tell her how much she upset me and she cried and said she didnt want to talk about it. Of course she didnt. But she apologised and I ended up feeling bad.
After 7 years we finally had my beautiful daughter and this friend was oh so vocal in her happiness for me. She got me so many gifts and visited me at home....then she made a comment that my "daughter is beautiful and looks nothing like you". So you see how she could do something nice and then say something really horrible.
That was 3 years ago.
Of course she started again as to siblings for my daughter!!! Just unbelievable.
Anyway, to our utter happy shock, I was pregnant with twins this year!!!!! I am feeding one now. Two boys, 6lb 10 each. A very healthy happy pregnancy. As soon as i told my 'friend' i was 8 weeks with twins, she pretty much dumped me!!!! Its like the jelousy was just too much for her. When I went to talk to her, she said she was busy. When I asked her out for pizza and said I have an antenatal appointment before hand so I maybe late, she said she couldn't wait for me as she would be hungry!!!
Since then, she has taken me off her wots app as in 'blocked' me!!!
My twins are now 5 weeks old my daughter is 3. Hubby and I feel so lucky. I am happy like heaven is!! I go back to work in 2021!!!
But when I think of this 'friend' my heart sinks. Shes not congratulated me or made any contact. Is it really possible for a friend to be so jelous of her friend this much??!!!!

OP posts:
SmellbowSpaceBowl · 22/09/2019 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 22/09/2019 14:04

@GreekOddess presumably because she's got a perfect maternity package to match the rest of her perfect life which we are all rattled by?

SconeofDestiny · 22/09/2019 14:05

OP, are you sure you're not 12?
What a strange thread!

RumpoleoftheBaileys · 22/09/2019 14:06

What on earth is this nonsense?

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 22/09/2019 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trafalger · 22/09/2019 14:08

You would be a fool to be jealous of twins 😂😂😂 I can't think of anything worse. 1 baby at a time is enough for most people.

26seym · 22/09/2019 14:08
Hmm
IWentAwayIStayedAway · 22/09/2019 14:08

@SavingSpaces2019. Took the word out of my mouth. Frenemie OP. I don't think you sounded smug at all. Enjoy your family

26seym · 22/09/2019 14:09

Maybe she just thinks you're a bit of a knob?

Hederex · 22/09/2019 14:10

From your post she does sound jealous, but something about your tone is rather superior and does make me wonder how this looks from her side.
Either way, it doesn't sound like either of you is good for the other or that you particularly enjoy each other's company, so I'd let this one go.

MuchBetterNow · 22/09/2019 14:11

Your alleged friendship seems to be based on negging and getting one over on each other. Good luck with that op.

bluegirlgreen · 22/09/2019 14:12

@MinxyMoos

You sound worse than her tbh, and not a very good friend.

Would be better if you just called it a day, and not carry on the friendship...

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 22/09/2019 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/09/2019 14:14
Hmm
PicpouldePinet · 22/09/2019 14:16

Gosh, OP, you don't half sound like a smug twat. With all your exclamation marks!!!!! and the general childish nature of your post!!!!! I find it hard to believe you have an IQ or age above 13. (!!!!!!!)
You come across as incredibly immature, and it seems on some level you're the one constantly competing with your friend. Maybe that's why she's made irritating comments to you in the past, as you seem to be in love with yourself and gloat so much, so it's good to see you being brought down a peg or two.
Oh and by the way, I'm not sure that your friend is jealous of you having twins at age 42. I think you're insecure and looking for mumsnetters to tell you why you're brilliant and your life is so much better than your friend's. Sad, really.

Menandsecondfamilies · 22/09/2019 14:16

Kiddies?! Hmm

AloeVeraLynn · 22/09/2019 14:19

Chinny reckon

Waxonwaxoff0 · 22/09/2019 14:20

I think it's nice to be proud that you've worked hard and are comfortably off.

But being "smug" over the number and sex of your children is bizarre. That's just what nature has given you, you don't get to choose that.

31RueCambon75001 · 22/09/2019 14:21

You sound a bit self-satisfied. I know you are trying to set the scene, but your narrative is that you are blessed. Maybe she is jealous of you. Or maybe she finds you a bit insufferable too conscious of all of your blessings. Which is different from beong grateful somehow. It comes accross differently. Either way it sounds like you were in a competitive friendship with each taking comfort that the other didn't "have it all". Not healthy.

Let it go, but dont do the kneejerk go-to "she was jealous" as it is rarely that simple. I see it so much on here. People have massive blindspots and they dont see their own. She no doubt didnt see hers either but the problem was you were playing the part of friends at the end of the 20 years. Have slipped in to this myselfvas well. It happens!

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 22/09/2019 14:22

I cant help that some commenters are rattled by me telling how great my life is...

You've over-egged the pudding a bit there, OP Grin

Hey1256 · 22/09/2019 14:22

She's jealous.

I have nasty friends like this too. One or two are still around actually but I keep a close guard and watch them carefully.

It'll take you a while of grieving her not being there but you'll get over it as I did.

Best of luck OP

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/09/2019 14:24

It's always twins

Sundancer77 · 22/09/2019 14:24

Sorry, but this post sounds weird 😬🤷‍♀️

Passthecherrycoke · 22/09/2019 14:24

Tbh OP you do sound very unlikeable. It’s not a very common thing in a person so often people don’t really know how to deal with it and sort of carry on as normal- like your friend seems to have- biting every so often but not sure why- until they’ve just had enough , realised they don’t like the person they are around you and back off.

MuchBetterNow · 22/09/2019 14:26

If someone doesn't like me I never jump to the conclusion that they're jealous but on MN it seems to be the go to explanation.
There are quite a few people I cannot stand but I'm not jealous of a living soul, I just plain don't like them.

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