WIBU to not go to SIL's (breastfeeding related)

[heeeeeyduggee]

Currently have a two week old baby (dc3) who I’m breastfeeding. I never managed to breastfeed DC1 or DC2 for a variety of reasons, and I didn’t actually plan on breastfeeding this time around due to the complications I ran in to last time, so as such, I’ve not yet got any nursing bras or nursing appropriate clothing, and have been pretty much topless every day since dc3 was born as a result of all of my bras hurting/my clothing not really being practical for feeding.

I had a c section and have three DC’s under 3, so it’s going to be at least a couple more weeks until I feel ready to head in to town by myself with all of them and get myself measured for nursing bras (not to mention save up the money for them as they seem to be quite pricey for decent ones!) and pick out some clothes that will be suitable for the breastfeeding lifestyle.

The issue is, DH told me this afternoon that his sister wants us to go to hers next weekend for his nieces birthday. I don’t have the money this week to shell out for bras (not paid until the following week) so going to hers would literally mean going braless, leaking everywhere constantly whilst applying nipple cream every half hour, and essentially getting naked on my top half whenever dc3 wants a feed. Dc3 is prone to cluster feeding in the afternoon, his ‘witching hours’ seem to be between 1pm and 5pm (fabulous timing!) so would be slap bang when we’re supposed to be at SIL’s, meaning that if I went and decided to nurse in a different room to avoid getting my boobs out in front of SIL’s husband and mil’s fiancé (who we virtually never see), I might as well set up camp in there thanks to the constant cluster feeding.

WIBU to just not go? I’ve not yet breastfed in front of anyone other than DH and health visitors/midwives, so feeding in front of dh’s family when I don’t have appropriate clothing or bras yet just seems even more daunting!

I don’t want dh’s family to think I’m being petty (neither SIL or mil breastfed so not sure they’d really understand) and with post partum hormones running wild at the moment, I’m panicking I’ll come across as stupid for not wanting to go right now!

What would you do?

I will definitely try out a few of the cheaper alternatives mentioned on here, so thanks for all your recommendations! Hopefully one of them will work for me, but if not I'll just have to bite the bullet and shell out for bras that have more support for bigger women. Gotta do what I gotta do at the end of the day!

I understand it sounds silly to cancel on family based on lack of clothes, but as it currently stands, I'd be turning up not wearing a bra, in a knee length dress which I'd need to pull all the way up, or jeans where my belly would be hanging out. I honestly own nothing suitable to feed in, my wardrobe and myself were not expecting to breastfeed whatsoever, so my clothes aren't floaty or have buttons etc, I don't own vests or cardigans either so I really do need to pick up some bits before I venture round peoples homes.

Definitely do whatever you feel most comfortable doing and don't feel guilt tripped into going to SIL's.

But at the same time, no need to go overboard on buying breastfeeding clothes. I got cheap breastfeeding bras (didn't get fitted) as my breasts were small after feeding but huge a few hours later so measurements would have been meaningless. Just get DH to pop to a shop (or order online) - i went for my usual pre-pregnancy size. Ditto nursing tops - i got a few from H&M otherwise just used a normal vest top with a scarf over.

Completely understandable.

It does annoy me when people say you don't need specific clothes to breastfeed in... maybe not but most of us do need to adapt our wardrobe for breastfeeding, a lot of clothes are really not ideal for getting a boob out with minimum fuss and flesh on display.

Oh.....and Lansinoh is amazing!!!! I got through tubes of the stuff!

When you do go shopping I definitely recommend getting cheap long vests from primark to wear under everything. I’m currently bf dc3 and it’s been my uniform for a long time. Lift your top up, then pull the vest/bra down, you don’t show boob or stomach at all.

Sorry if it’s been suggested already, but Asda (online) sell some really reasonably priced nursing bras. I’d also recommend their washable breast pads (with a plastic backing so they don’t leak in the same way that cotton/bamboo pads do).

Of course you don't need to go but why on earth can't your dh look after the children while you pop into town to get some clothes and bras? Even if you had to take the baby and he looked after the older ones?

OK just realised this thread is 7 pages, and this may ready have been asked and answered.

Just go to the party! Find a quiet room to feed in, I'm sure they will more than understand. It will be a shame not to go and see family and have a chance to show off your new baby.

First off 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 your doing fantastic, especially as it all is so new to you.
I'd look into local BF support or even calling the national bf helpline (number will be in the child health record or one of the Breastfeeding leaflets you got from the MW or HV. Might also be useful to attend a drop-in (if you have them nearby) to practice feeding when out/get a bit more support.

They might be able to talk through with you the discomfort you're experiencing - I'm wondering if there might be a few things you can do to make the latch more comfy and stop the need for cream/reduce kerfuffle.

As others have said, a vest under your top can work as well (IME better!) than a Nursing top & remember, a week is a long time with a baby and things might be getting easier by then - especially if you've had some RL support xx

Get some stretchy crop top style nursing bras from amazon, long strappy vests from H&M and stick a shirt/baggy top on top. Pull top up and vest down and it's pretty discreet. I've fed 2 babies this way pretty much everywhere, you top caring after a while! That all said....if you don't want to go, don't. You don't need an excuse.

I wouldn’t go but would send a gift

Honestly, don't worry about MIL and SIL understanding. I think my MILs was being incredibly unreasonable expecting that I'd take a a very reflux-y baby at 4 months to a random cousins of DH's wedding at 8/9pm at night. I didn't go. She was annoyed but got over it. Do what feels right for you! Not like you're preventing DH going because you can't, and the older DCs can go and give you a break at the same time!

YANBU, I definitely wouldn't go!

Re nursing tops, I preferred a vest with a t shirt over the top, way easier than faffing with clips on vests (especially if baby is screaming or puking after a feed!)
Re pain: get some hydrogel breast pads - they're miraculous! Or try to put cling film over your lansinoh between applications - think of blister plasters that stop cracking and bleeding while you heal - you need the same sort of thing.
Best of luck!

OP roughly what size are you?

Primark boob tubes. You might get them in clearance for 50p. I bought size 10s, I'm a 16, and wore them round my middle with a regular top above. To keep my stomach warm hidden.
I would get a the 2 for 10 bras as you can sleep in them, before investing in the more expensive ones.

Also lived in this

www.amazon.co.uk/Sonnena-Maternity-Nursing-Breastfeeding-Sweatshirt/dp/B07M8GQGYY/ref=asc_df_B07M8GQGYY/?hvlocphy=1007336&hvlocphy=1007336&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&hvptwo&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvnetw=g&hvadid=372565889681&hvadid=372565889681&hvpone&hvpone&hvlocint&hvlocint&ref&hvpos=1o7&hvpos=1o7&hvdev=m&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-816402395989&hvtargid=pla-816402395989&hvrand=427584797439904910&hvrand=427584797439904910&adgrpid=78136215762

You need to join the ‘can I breast feed in it’ Facebook group!

I wouldn't even mention the breastfeeding/ clothes issue. DH and older DC can go, you stay home. You don't need any excuses, just do whatever you are comfortable with.

And get thee to Primark for some vests pronto Can't DH/ your Mum/ friend grab you some bits until you feel up to going out? Big Tesco nearby maybe?
I really don't think you need to wait until you can get out alone with all the kids, let people help.

I really hate the thought of you feeling so uncomfortable, no clothes.

@Fireextinguished
OP roughly what size are you?

This is a good question. Like many, I have some bras that turned out to be too small, I'd be happy to post them if they're nearer to your size.

I'm not 100% certain what my size is at the moment. Pre pregnancy I was a 34 e, but suspect with weight gain and engorgement I'm closer to a double F now!

Tape measure!

If you don't have one, use a belt and then measure the belt. You want a measurement around your rib cage, then one around the widest part of your boobs (lift as needed or lie down to measure right around without squidging).

Fine not to go but I’ve never bought ‘practical’ clothing for breastfeeding. I just lift my top up or down accordingly.

The problem with csections is that they are so common that most people do not realise that it is major surgery.After no other operation would you expect someone to be out and about.
For breast feeding you do need a supportive nursing bra especially if you are big breasted,I wore mine and n bed for the first few months.Order online when you have the money,you need 2.
Tops,anything loose but men's shirts are useful over t shirts and are cheap from charity shops which are also very much awful for hardly worn baby clothes.
For my nipples I was told by a retired midwife to sqeaze a little milk from my nipple at the end of a feed and massage gently into the nipple.It had nice big cracks and this seemed to work for me.Worth a go as it will is free.
And congratulations on your baby.