WIBU to not go to SIL's (breastfeeding related)

[heeeeeyduggee]

Currently have a two week old baby (dc3) who I’m breastfeeding. I never managed to breastfeed DC1 or DC2 for a variety of reasons, and I didn’t actually plan on breastfeeding this time around due to the complications I ran in to last time, so as such, I’ve not yet got any nursing bras or nursing appropriate clothing, and have been pretty much topless every day since dc3 was born as a result of all of my bras hurting/my clothing not really being practical for feeding.

I had a c section and have three DC’s under 3, so it’s going to be at least a couple more weeks until I feel ready to head in to town by myself with all of them and get myself measured for nursing bras (not to mention save up the money for them as they seem to be quite pricey for decent ones!) and pick out some clothes that will be suitable for the breastfeeding lifestyle.

The issue is, DH told me this afternoon that his sister wants us to go to hers next weekend for his nieces birthday. I don’t have the money this week to shell out for bras (not paid until the following week) so going to hers would literally mean going braless, leaking everywhere constantly whilst applying nipple cream every half hour, and essentially getting naked on my top half whenever dc3 wants a feed. Dc3 is prone to cluster feeding in the afternoon, his ‘witching hours’ seem to be between 1pm and 5pm (fabulous timing!) so would be slap bang when we’re supposed to be at SIL’s, meaning that if I went and decided to nurse in a different room to avoid getting my boobs out in front of SIL’s husband and mil’s fiancé (who we virtually never see), I might as well set up camp in there thanks to the constant cluster feeding.

WIBU to just not go? I’ve not yet breastfed in front of anyone other than DH and health visitors/midwives, so feeding in front of dh’s family when I don’t have appropriate clothing or bras yet just seems even more daunting!

I don’t want dh’s family to think I’m being petty (neither SIL or mil breastfed so not sure they’d really understand) and with post partum hormones running wild at the moment, I’m panicking I’ll come across as stupid for not wanting to go right now!

What would you do?

I wouldn’t go if I was you. Would just send DH with the older two.

Don’t go if you’re not up for it, his niece’s birthday isn’t particularly important for you/a newborn to attend.

You can definitely get by with 2 nursing bras with all the washing with a young baby, so don't go nuts.
Clothes wise treat yourself to two nice tops (frugi are very soft and comfy) then do the thin vest under thin t shirt (pull vest down and t shirt up, voila layered feeding arrangement).
Totally give the party a swerve!

I know you said you don't have the money at the moment (I know that feeling -newborns are expensive!) but when you do, you really
Don't need anything expensive. I have big boobs (40 dd) and the nursing bras I use are two for £14 from new look and super comfy.

I don't bother with nursing bras and the one up one down method of feeding. I just wore cheap sports bras. certainly don't need to fork out for nursing stuff unless you really want to.

Saying that, if you don't want to go, don't go. You have perfectly valid reasons not to go

Why are you getting naked? A front fastening bra, a button down blouse / dress, and a conveniently placed blanket should be enough to retain your dignity. Also the best quality nursing bras are from amazon - ilovesia is the seller and they cost £18 for 3. There is no need to spend more than thaf. Looks like your mil / sil are not the only ones who don’t understand breasfeeding!

Another vote for stretchy bralets - primarks finest in fact. I couldn’t bear my maternity bras, the clips are so aggravating. They were ditched before I even got home from the hospital. Much easier and comfier to wear a vest top and pull down a low key bralet.
That said, 2 weeks postpartum is absolutely all about you and your newborn, what works for you and what makes you feel comfortable. The in-laws will either understand graciously or not, but if not it says more about them than you

Just lift your top, there's absolutely no need to breastfeed topless. I know it's very early days but if you're going to make breastfeeding such a big ordeal then youre pretty much guaranteed to end up giving up early.

You don't need special bras either ......the £5, seamless sports bras are easily the best ones. Slip it above your boob and away you go.

Don’t go. Let your DH take the other 2. I’m sure your SIL will understand.

Ignore stupid comments like this:
if you don’t feel like going then don’t. But breastfeeding isn’t a good reason.Do you plan on remaining half naked the entire months/years you’re breastfeeding?

That poster probably either hasn’t breastfed, or found it very easy. Either way that’s not a reasonable or helpful comment.

Stay at home with your baby. It’s absolutely fine, and you’ll be back to normal as soon as you feel ready.

I was at a school open evening recently. A lass was breastfeeding with her top simply hoicked over one boob, carrying the baby round while she talked to 11YOs about the school. No one cared.

I don't think BF should be a reason to avoid family, but if you just don't fancy it after a c section, then fair enough.

Just hope the in laws understand!

To hell with them if they don't understand, but I'm sure they will be fine about it. In any case a child's party is probably the last place to bring a newborn with kids possibly having snotty noses, sticky hands and touching the baby. Even without the bra issues, it's the last place I'd want to be so soon after a section and trying to establish breastfeeding. Dh can take the older 2 and you can take the opportunity to have a bit of a break. Hopefully baby will sleep for some of the time they are gone so you can also nap. Don't give it a second thought now. Let Dh just arrive with the others and tell them at that point that you stayed home to try and rest up a bit.

Being 3 weeks post op after major abdominal surgery is all the reason you need to give. Wishing you all the best OP, have you found the Can I Breastfeed in It? Facebook page? Absolutely tonnes of advice for feeding friendly clothes and bras.

Ah here, OP, stay at home.
I don't see this as so much a breastfeeding issue (you'll get there) but it is a "recovering from major abdominal surgery" issue.

Several have said it upthread- we forget that C-Section is major surgery.
AND you have to care for a newborn while recovering.
And I doubt the other 2 (under 3's) have realised "oh, Mummy has had surgery, lets not climb on her/need her/have an argument/throw food on the floor".

DNeice will have a birthday next year. Aim for that one

Please stay at home with your baby - you've had major abdominal surgery - enjoy your time with your baby hopefully relaxed on the sofa. Hubby and children can go. I did buy nursing bras and found it a terrible fankle. Front fastening bras worked for me. T-shirts and large 'blouses' not buttoned up. It's all very early days for you. Rest and plenty of fluids. Congratulations on your baby

FFS, a thousands threads about how she can get a bra after she said she doesn't have the money!

Chill out. OP said she was getting bras when she got paid and people are just trying to help her out with cheaper than £80 options. Nobody has told her she should be going and getting a bra right this second.

Personally I would be grateful for the advice and checking out what people had suggested rather than spunking £80 on things I didn’t need to buy.

There's a few unhelpful comments! Sure, I'd happily bf anywhere now, standing up, you name it, but in the early days it was super tricky for us! That's common. People need time and understanding to get the hang of things, feel confident and then have a bit of capacity for the other stuff. I personally don't need a nursing bra for my teeny boobs, but my friend swears by hers and the one up one down system will never work for her as she has only worn dresses for the last 15 years. People and situations are different!

I don't own any blouses as up until now, they've not really been my thing. I pretty much only own midi length body con/t shirt style dresses, so no, I don't plan on being naked the entire time.... I plan on buying new clothes in which I can easily breastfeed.

My let down is also ridiculous as a PP mentioned. Dc unlatches when let down happens and I'm left sat there with a fountain pouring/squirting out of me, frantically reaching for a Muslin to put over my breast until the tidal wave finishes and dc is ready to latch back on. I'm prone to soaking through pads and clothes when this happens... yet another reason why going to SIL's braless/without the proper clothing situation up top fills me with dread at the mo.

Again, thanks to those for reminding me it's ok not go.
And to the poster telling me I don't understand breastfeeding... that's super helpful I've only been doing it two weeks, give me a break ffs.

I had one with tongue tie and couldn't 'just lift my top' to feed him at that stage. It can be very difficult for some women and babies for a while.

Pretty shit to slag off the OP for how she feeds and what is working for her and her baby so she can tie herself in knots to go to a kid's birthday party.

As for cheapo bras and bralets, big arse nope with my bust, which went from a 40DD to a J cup with enormous nipples that were pretty much always hard. Some people have really big busts with large nips and need a lot of coverage and support.

Personally I would be grateful for the advice and checking out what people had suggested rather than spunking £80 on things I didn’t need to buy.

Good for you! We're all allowed opinions so wind your own neck in then.

Let husband go without you.

I hope you get some nursing bras soon. Well done breastfeeding the little one.

If you can measure properly, have a look on ebay, they are less expensive from there. I see someone else has mentioned Amazon, I expect they are the same.

I have big boobs and found the panache Chloe bra the best. Then a vest with elastic straps to pull down. Maternity ones added bulk under outfits.
It will get easier, but after a c section the positioning etc takes longer as you are sore.
I used a nursing cover until I was confident with my first.

And to the poster telling me I don't understand breastfeeding... that's super helpful hmm I've only been doing it two weeks, give me a break ffs.

That is awful! How dare they, cheeky sod.

That's great that bf is going well this time, definitely time to take it easy and do what suits you at the moment.
I can't believe some people here were judging your bra buying situation Only on bloody mumsnet and I'm sure you'll get sorted with some good ones soon.
I would definitely stay home. I'm due again soon and I'm going to really enjoy my newborn this time. Last time I felt I had to oblige my inlaws but that's simply not happening this time and I'm only suiting myself until I want to see them/venture to theirs. Focus on yourself and the baby :)

Ooh with strong let down I'd recommend laid back breastfeeding. Aka biological nursing.

Prop yourself up well on a sofa or in bed. So you are semi reclined

Baby lies latched on across your tummy diagonally.

They like to have something for their feet to push on to help them adjust flow. Eg your thigh or a pillow. Use pillows beneath your elbows to help lessen strain on back or shoulders.

Watch a box set and don't go to Sil's.

Gentle press between shoulder blades can help them free their nose too which helps with latch.