WIBU to not go to SIL's (breastfeeding related)

[heeeeeyduggee]

Currently have a two week old baby (dc3) who I’m breastfeeding. I never managed to breastfeed DC1 or DC2 for a variety of reasons, and I didn’t actually plan on breastfeeding this time around due to the complications I ran in to last time, so as such, I’ve not yet got any nursing bras or nursing appropriate clothing, and have been pretty much topless every day since dc3 was born as a result of all of my bras hurting/my clothing not really being practical for feeding.

I had a c section and have three DC’s under 3, so it’s going to be at least a couple more weeks until I feel ready to head in to town by myself with all of them and get myself measured for nursing bras (not to mention save up the money for them as they seem to be quite pricey for decent ones!) and pick out some clothes that will be suitable for the breastfeeding lifestyle.

The issue is, DH told me this afternoon that his sister wants us to go to hers next weekend for his nieces birthday. I don’t have the money this week to shell out for bras (not paid until the following week) so going to hers would literally mean going braless, leaking everywhere constantly whilst applying nipple cream every half hour, and essentially getting naked on my top half whenever dc3 wants a feed. Dc3 is prone to cluster feeding in the afternoon, his ‘witching hours’ seem to be between 1pm and 5pm (fabulous timing!) so would be slap bang when we’re supposed to be at SIL’s, meaning that if I went and decided to nurse in a different room to avoid getting my boobs out in front of SIL’s husband and mil’s fiancé (who we virtually never see), I might as well set up camp in there thanks to the constant cluster feeding.

WIBU to just not go? I’ve not yet breastfed in front of anyone other than DH and health visitors/midwives, so feeding in front of dh’s family when I don’t have appropriate clothing or bras yet just seems even more daunting!

I don’t want dh’s family to think I’m being petty (neither SIL or mil breastfed so not sure they’d really understand) and with post partum hormones running wild at the moment, I’m panicking I’ll come across as stupid for not wanting to go right now!

What would you do?

You may go up a cup size if you continue to feed. Personally I wouldn’t buy the expensive bras. Pre pregnancy I was a B. I quickly went to a C then a D when dd was maybe 4 months old.... then back to a C as she got older. Idk when, maybe over a year old.

On the actual question, you’ve just had major abdominal surgery. You have 3 children and are breastfeeding a baby. If your sil and mil get pissy, don’t give a flying fuck. It would be them with an issue, not you. Even without the feeding and the two older kids, it would be a tall order to go.

Why would the in-laws mind if you don’t come? Let husband take the other two, and you have a nice quiet day with the baby.

@ValiaH has given just the advice I would, and great tips about an easy way to dress to be comfortable feeding in public. But if you don't want to go, then don't. People will understand, especially as you had a C section. Cluster feeding could go on for quite a while though, that's normal, and nobody will worry if you spend the birthday party sitting constantly feeding the baby. That's what mums of new borns do. You might enjoy getting out of the house for a while as well

AMOURRI Women's Seamless Maternity Nursing Bra Sleep Bralette Free Bra Extenders (Ship from UK), 3pcs (Assorted Pack), L www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B01LYMQPZ9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_eg2HDbCV40TA2?tag=mumsnetforu03-21 I got these when I was pregnant with DS, found them brilliant. Really comfy and am normally a 38DD.

Regardless of bfing you’ve just had major surgery and are caring for a newborn as well as two other children - you get a pass! Take your top off and put your feet up

I will echo others though, there really is no need to fork out for nursing clothes. The two top method is usually completely serviceable and if you add a scarf and/or cardigan you can arrange yourself pretty discreetly.

I would try the cheaper bra options mentioned too before shelling out for proper nursing bras (I just used those balconette sports bra things). If you don’t get on with them then get the fancier ones although I found between milk and nipple cream my bras needed a lot more washing than my normal ones would and would hate to spend loads on something that’s going to be washed to death unless I had loads of spare cash.

Hi I've only ever worn one nursing bra and hated it I got those comfort bralets you can get from the supermarket they are comfortable and stretchy and I would wear a vest under a t-shirt to keep myself covered I've also found nursing and maternity things so expensive so I just don't buy into it x but I'd say if your still feeling fragile from the c section don't go rest up enjoy some baby one on one time and let your hubby take the older two xxx best of luck

I think feeding aside, you’ve just had a baby and if you don’t feel up to going out then that’s fine.

As for clothes, i didn’t buy any breastfeeding specific clothes, just wore two tops and pulled one up and one down. For bras, I had some from bravado that come in S/M/L etc sizes so didn’t need to get fitted with a baby in tow!

They have cheap nursing bras in the supermarkets, you don't need special clothing either - I recommend trousers/skirt and to wear a tighter top eg vest top with a looser top over the top which you partially pull over baby, I never bought "breastfeeding clothes" and fed mine for 18 months a piece in all kinds of public situations.

It's fine not to go, but I'd try and get one bra (needn't be expensive) fairly quickly (use online guides and order a variety to choose) as you/your boobs really should have the support.

What size do you think you are OP? I have some ENORMOUS ones going spare...?

I've got a couple that I no longer use that fit up to a 34FF. You're welcome to them.

If you don’t feel like going then don’t. But breastfeeding isn’t a good reason. It shouldn’t stop you going anywhere. You don’t need a nursing bra (let alone an £80 one) and it’s not hard to think of suitable clothing to make it easier like a top you can easily put down or a shirt you can unbutton. Do you plan on remaining half naked the entire months/years you’re breastfeeding?

Don't go, totally fine to prefer to stay at home at this stage.

Don't spend real money on proper nursing bras until your supply settles (about 6-8 weeks I think). At that stage you won't be getting engorged every feed, and you'll probably be a size or two smaller than you are now.

Order some nursing bras from H&M online, I was a 32FF when feeding and really liked these. That'll help with feeding when out and about.

Good luck! It does get easier, promise.

No no no you’re not going anywhere!! You’ve JUST had a baby and major surgery. If you’re comfortable with it, your DC going with DH might be a good way of you spending time with the new baby.
Equally, if you’re not totally happy with that, you need your DH at home to look after you. This is all your call. Definitely don’t try to ‘get on with things’. Of all the times to say a phrase like that!
Please stop thinking about what your IL think!

I think people dismiss what a huge operation a c- section is as it’s become so common. Send DH off with the other 2 darlings, put your feet up and give yourself a break- you deserve it .

I got my feeding bras from Primark, and would just wear a vest under a top, lift up top, pull down vest and unclip bra. But i totally agree that if you're not ready to go, you shouldn't go. For the first few weeks i had over supply issues so whenever i had a let down, the side i wasn't feedin from would spray milk everywhere or if i had a bra, breastpads and top on, it would leak through and literally run down my stomach for the whole year of feeding, i would have to put pressure on the side i wasn't feeding on until my let down had finished. I don't think i fed out and about til DD was at least 2 months old. It's quite daunting for some people!

I think this is a bigger deal than it needs to be, be kind to yourself and remember it's okay to say no. If they get the hump then meh, its perfectly reasonable to not feel up to it, don't feel you need to justify it to them. Nursing bras from Asda I found just as good as expensive ones to be honest, and I found a few got pretty ruined when I was leaking loads. I'd maybe get a cheaper one and then have a look round? Up to you of course, just what I wish I'd have done :)

Absolutely fine not to go, but you definitely don't need to shell out £££ for nursing bras. I've breastfed for over three years (across 2dc) and have only ever bought two nursing bras, neither of which I liked (one of the clip ones and one where the fabric parts). I bought stretchy cheap sports bras from primark (about £7) teamed with vest tops also from primark (about £2), along with my ordinary clothes. Top up, vest and bra pulled down. Simple, fast and comfy. Fed both DC anywhere and everywhere wearing these, would recommend to anyone!

Absolutely stay home. Don't give a detailed run down of why you're not attending, if they didn't breastfeed they might not get it anyway.

Just send DH along with the older two, saying you're still recovering and not up to a party yet.

Unless they are complete dickheads, they will understand.

Congratulations on your baby and on all the progress you've made breastfeeding! It's no small achievement!

IT's not even really about breastfeeding. You are recovering from an operation and looking after a newborn. It's completely normal to want to opt out of things like this for several weeks at least.

If you dont feel up to going then thats fine!.Stay at home with your feet up ,no one will mind at all .Well done for BF and enjoy it !. Do you have Nct sales in your area at all?.Many good products picked up easily and cheaply .Also many Bras are often front opening as well .

Ask DH to go with your oldest two and enjoy the time at home with your youngest. I wasn’t a very streamlined breastfeeder and can totally empathise with what you are saying. YANBU to not want to go at all. I do think there is a bit too much pressure for Mum’s to get out and about too soon after having a baby theses days, and even more so when they have had a CS - which is major abdominal surgery.

FFS, a thousands threads about how she can get a bra after she said she doesn't have the money!

Stay home and send him with the older ones, OP. You just had major surgery, are breastfeeding and have 3 under 3.

YADNBU stay home do what you need and want to do. DH can take the other kids :)

I don't think I would be keen on going either!
As mentioned by PP, the H&M vest tops with the clips are definitely worth buying. I brought nursing bras from there too which were good. Have a look at the nursing range on Boohoo as well (type nursing in their search bar), whilst not all of it is great, some of their double layered tops are exactly what you want for nursing and keeping covered and perfect to wear with leggings whilst you recover from the c section. Their clothing is cheap and cheerful until you feel more confident wearing nursing vests and bras under your usual clothing (it took me a few months).