AIBU to take away the ham sandwich?

[Mykidsdrivemeupthefluckingwall]

My 8yo has been in a pissy mood all morning (most his life)
And he asked for something to eat so I made him a ham sandwich.
So he moaned why was it ham? I don't want ham. I said tough that's what it is, some people don't even have food so stop whining.
Carried on moaning.
Then started moaning, oh fine I'll have to FORCE MYSELF to eat it then!!!
So I took it off him and ate it myself.

And now he's having a wobbler that he's going to starve and it's all my fault.

Please tell me I wasn't being unreasonable and he's being a brat.

I think what @missyB1 said makes a lot of sense. I don’t understand why you didn’t give your ds a choice of maybe two things and chosen if he refused to. Children have so many choices taken away. As children get older, I find flexibility with food increases with my dd at least, who I think may be a super taster. I also don’t understand why you ate his food without offering him something else then laughed.

You can continue to laugh if you want, but it’s not going to make your ds feel better and it may have had the opposite effect from the one you hoped. My upbringing was full of shame from the parenting I received and had I been treated like this I’d feel shame for not eating when there were less fortunate starving children, shame him for not eating the sandwich then shame for having to ask for another. Idk if your ds feels the same.

I had five kids. If I'd entered a debate every time someone said they were hungry, I'd never have got anything done!

And the dog would have taken the unattended ham sandwich four pages ago.

YANBU OP this thread has had a weird mix of replies but to offer an 8 year old as many options as some PP's have suggested sounds a bit mad to me. I'm sure he's quite capable of getting into the kitchen and picking a snack or two if he were so inclined!

But I was raised in the "eat what you're given otherwise make it yourself" way. As OP has said, her DS is usually quite happy to eat Ham Sandwiches so her making him one isn't exactly the end of the world.

He's just being dramatic as a lot of children can be, OP has tried to instil in him that he is not entitled to whatever he pleases when ever he wants it. Good work IMO.

@youarenotkiddingme that was one of my Grandma's favourite phrases but then she'd get annoyed at us being in the kitchen and boot us out :')

You did exactly what I'd have advised when I was younger, and helping parents with parenting skills. What did you teach him? You taught him that in future you won't put up with him being a brat, and that if you offer him food, he'd better eat it and not moan about it, otherwise he might not get it at all. A good lesson learned. As for all the "give him a choice " parents. What's it like in your house at mealtimes? Do you give your children a choice as to what you will cook? So if you cook sausages and they don't want that, do you cook something else? Or do you act like a normal rational adult, cook a meal, put it in front of them and expect them to eat what they are given?
My sister in law rang this morning and asked if she could visit. I said 'yes of course, that would be lovely'. I didn't say "I thought I'd cook a roast today, is that alright? Or would you prefer curry? Or I've got salmon in the freezer. Maybe you'd prefer a ham sandwich?" No, I didn't say any of that , I said "What time will you get here? I'll cook for that time" She will eat what I give her, because she learned when she was a child, to eat what was provided for her . It didn't hurt her, she's grown into an entirely normal, well rounded woman. She isn't spoiled by always being pandered to as a child.

if he wants something else he has to learn himself - get him to do it OP - you can get child friendly knives (cut but not sharp type of thing) if you are overly worried - I just taught mine to use a sharp knife properly and suprvised for a while (which also meant she had to ask permission first

and helping parents with parenting skills

Heavens!

If my DC ask for "something to eat" I'll say, sure do you want toast or banana (for example) or ask them what they fanct

Or tell him to wait until lunch?

Is everyone missing ops second comment where he just said "something to eat" after she asked him what he wanted?

What's it like in your house at mealtimes? Do you give your children a choice as to what you will cook? So if you cook sausages and they don't want that, do you cook something else? Or do you act like a normal rational adult, cook a meal, put it in front of them and expect them to eat what they are given?

We meal plan together before I shop.

We have a rough plan of what is planned for each day but it’s easy to swap around if either of us fancy it. There’s plenty of time to decide before we start preparing it what we want.

Sometimes I cook, sometimes she cooks. We clear up.

Is everyone missing ops second comment where he just said "something to eat" after she asked him what he wanted?

No? At that point I would have said “well I can’t get you anything until you decide what you want” then suggested they either wait until lunchtime or help themselves.

@JacquesHammer he asked for anything so got no room to moan!

Children have so many choices taken away.

You have got to be joking @mummmyoflittledragon. Children today have more choices than they've ever had.

What choices do you think are being taken away?

‘What shall we have for dinner? I was thinking shepherds pie, or would you like bolognaise.

Bolognaise please.

Ok.

Everyone eats.

Obviously I’m doing it wrong, much better to just serve it up with no option and then throw it in the bin if anyone raises a dissenting voice. Personally I prefer a quieter life where everyone learns to participate in family decisions.

posted at 10.30
what time of day was the ham sandwich offered?

Ffs!! Some people on here are absolutely rediculous! When I was younger we had barely any money and my DM a single parent of 3 tried her best. We never got a choice of what to eat we were just bloody grateful for what we got. It's a ham fucking sandwich not bread and butter washed down with a glass of tap water. YANBU op. Get a grip people! 🙄

he asked for anything so got no room to moan!

I just think it was a situation that could easily have been avoided. But then I don’t think conflict around food is ever worth the supposed “life lesson” it teaches.

I was also brought up in the era of 'three meals a day, no money for 'snacks', a bit of fruit if you absolutely and completely MUST but mother would be very po-faced about it for the rest of the day'.

Managed not to starve to death.

Kids need to learn that they often aren't 'hungry' they are just bored and possibly mildly peckish. A little bit of feeling hungry won't be a bad thing.

YANBU OP.

Jeez who are these people who give their kids endless choices. Get what you're given and be grateful.

We’ve just had ham rolls now for lunch. I didn’t ask ds if he wanted ham because I know he loves it. But if he’d got to the table and said he didn’t want ham I’d have advised him to go to the fridge and grate a bit of cheese on it. I wouldn’t have eaten his lunch for him and laughed in his face.

He was being a brat.

Told my DC that they'll have to have cooked chicken on their sandwich because the best before date runs out today and rather eat it than throw it into the bin... Quick, call child line 😂

@Herocomplex Your approach sounds ideal: works well and everyone's happy.

It appears, however, that the OP's DS was in a pissy mood, wasn't making it easy for his mum and, to put it bluntly, ended up with what he deserved. It's lunch time now and I'm sure his hunger will be laid to rest. No harm done at all

This thread has made me chuckle!
So true, how two different parenting styles can come out over a ham sandwich 😂

He'd had breakfast this morning, and it was a problem because we had ran out of Coco pops and only had another just as sugary cereal, weetos, so he was moaning about his human rights then.

He likes ham.
He's still alive.

Our relationship hasn't eroded in any way because I took the sandwich off him which was making his life an apparent misery.

Although I am thinking I will need to call out an emergency therapist because I went into his room and he's rocking in the corner with the words HAM HAM HAM HAM scrawled all round the walls, I think I've possibly damaged him...

Thanks for the replies everyone, it's been a laugh because I was just having a moan about a moany child. I just wanted to vent and me and husband have had such a laugh at the replies, and some people are taking it so seriously!

Can’t believe people think OPWas wrong because he didn’t get to ‘choose his own filling’ WTF? He was being a spoilt brat and OP did absolutely the right thing. Good for you OP!

Do people actually ask their kids exactly what they want to eat for every meal?

Sometimes I give a choice of 2 sandwich fillings, other times they get what they are given, I’m not running a fucking cafe 🤣

In the evening I dish up a meal, I’m cooking it so I get to chose what it is, if they don’t like it they can cook their own dinner.