AIBU to take away the ham sandwich?

[Mykidsdrivemeupthefluckingwall]

My 8yo has been in a pissy mood all morning (most his life)
And he asked for something to eat so I made him a ham sandwich.
So he moaned why was it ham? I don't want ham. I said tough that's what it is, some people don't even have food so stop whining.
Carried on moaning.
Then started moaning, oh fine I'll have to FORCE MYSELF to eat it then!!!
So I took it off him and ate it myself.

And now he's having a wobbler that he's going to starve and it's all my fault.

Please tell me I wasn't being unreasonable and he's being a brat.

He’s 8, if he wants a sandwich he should be making it himself and clearing up any mess he makes.

Obviously, childhood ends at 7. He shouldn't be watching a film anyway. Doesn't he have school uniform to wash and iron? Then a roast to make? The weekly shop to do?

As an oldie, I am amazed at parents constantly asking the children what they would like to eat and making 2-3 different meals etc.As a child we were never asked what we would like. Our meals were put in front of us and we had no choice in what we ate. Obviously if we really hated a particular vegetable etc it would just be left off the plate, but not given a different meal to everyone else.

The rule innour house is that if you want something specific, you make it yourself. otherwise you eat what you are given

Weird rule. Are people not allowed to have a preference for what they want to eat?

I wonder where he gets his pissy mood from hmm

From half the posters on here by the looks of it!

OP, thank you for posting that. Although it did make me laugh, it’s still not as funny as the moral outrage on here. 🤣 Have we had an influx from the pretty ticker site, or something?

@BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil
Aargh how thoughtless of me😔

Have we had an influx from the pretty ticker site, or something?

No idea.

I just can’t understand the OP when her son was in a “pissy mood” - she would engineer a situation. When a simple “what would you like” given she had already decided to make him a snack would have sufficed.

Well 2 types of parenting come across clearly here.

There’s the don’t use the ‘no’ word and negotiate on everything to give power and choice to the child, and give however much time is needed to get child to happy place in each incident

And

Don’t put up with their nonsense.

It’s funny isn’t it that the first group will always look to blame someone else or find a cause outside of the child for any incident which occurs in the home or outside. It will always be another child or the teacher or the circumstances or something. Other people could have always acted differently or been more patient to bring about a different outcome. Straight talking and a ‘no’ or saying ‘this is not acceptable and is stopping now’ don’t seem to be used.

Straight talking isn’t being cruel. A bit of light mocking ‘go and starve quietly in the corner’ isn’t damaging. Straight talking can be combined with choice giving and huge amounts of love and empathy. Allowing unacceptable behaviour to continue and grow because of a lack of clear boundaries and parenting is the damaging thing......but those parents always blame someone else.....perhaps occasionally themselves, but the child never bears any responsibility.

Haha, a ham sandwich reflects the 2 approaches to parenting!

I think children sometimes have too much choice. When a child is in a stroppy mood, it doesn't matter what you say or how many choices they get, said child will still be stroppy.
I find my DD (age 12) eats a lot better when I just cook and present her food to her,breather than going through myriad options that result in me making different meals for each member of the family.
Provided you have given him food that he actually likes, then he has nothing to moan about.
Some of the responses in here explain why some kids grow up to be total drama llamas. You did okay OP - you are saving him from being the kind of adult who has Facebook spats

OP, We had to clear our plate as children. Faced with butter beans and reluctant children, my parents would say 'children are starving around the world.' and in my head I would be thinking, 'Well, send them the butter beans then.'
Never eaten them since I left home. Or marrow.

Maybe you two need to sit down and air your differences. Maybe he has had past difficulties with a sandwich you didn’t consider? Maybe the ham rhymes with the name of someone he doesn’t like at school and so it exacerbated the problem.

I wasn’t allowed snacks as a kid - my son is. Mainly because I’m one of five and we had enough for meals and that was it. However if he says snack he gets fruit or a yoghurt or (shock horror) maybe a ham sandwich. And possibly not long after his breakfast either 😱😱

I asked on here about his constant demands for snacks and was told to just give them to him as he’s growing. Then I read people saying snacks are the devil. I was told giving choices leads to tantrums so just don’t offer the choices, then I see people here saying why didn’t you ask what he wanted.

You made me laugh OP. I’ve lost my pearls long ago 😂😂

Has he starved to death, yet?

No, didn't think so.

I'm with you @Mykidsdrivemeupthefluckingwall I'd have done the same. You said he said he wanted "anything as he seas hungry" so you made him something, as requested.

All this nonsense over choices, I meal plan, I shop - eat what you're given imo

• as he's hungry - no seas were mentioned 😂

Wonder where he gets his 'pissy' attitude from?

Not from op. God forbid a parent tried to teach a kid a lesson!

I've done similar op. I won't accept ungrateful behaviour. Good for you for not either.

As an oldie, I am amazed at parents constantly asking the children what they would like to eat and making 2-3 different meals etc.As a child we were never asked what we would like. Our meals were put in front of us and we had no choice in what we ate. Obviously if we really hated a particular vegetable etc it would just be left off the plate, but not given a different meal to everyone else.

This was my world too @Idratherhaveacupoftea Welcome to the world of a Gen X. No wonder parents today are frequently frazzled.

I do get that that the world has changed but ….. fuck me, it's not always for the better!

I'm making Sunday lunch. My 6 year old has just informed me that he will only eat mini roast potatoes. The big ones are not real apparently 😬😬😬

Wombat summed it up perfectly. OP, I think you did the right thing by eating the sandwich. If left, it was going to dry out and then end up in the bin and what a waste that would be. Your DS has learned that his crap attitude has consequences, an excellent thing to know.

He was about to eat it, after moaning, so you took it and ate it yourself

What do you think he learned?

I’d say he learned that if he asks for food and some is brought, he’d better get on and eat it without a huge scene, because if there’s a huge scene, it might not still be available in 10 mins.

Good lesson ....will make him consider if he really wants to make a scene next time.

If op had pandered and gone and made another sandwich he would learn tantrums pay off and he can always have his own way. Why would any parent want to teach that?

You descended to his level. Some parents do this as they think it proves a point and the kid will get it. I think it usually just inflames a situation unnecessarily.
I would have called him out in his rudeness, asked for an apology, and asked if was going to eat it or it was going in the bin.
I think you reacted in the moment without thinking.

It's the sort of thing my mum would have done - she rocks! Things were all rosy and I'm the black sheep but she certainly taught me an important life skill. Do it yourself or take what your given. Don't rely on others to make you happy.

My ds would get what he's given if he just asked for a drink food.

He'd get what he wanted if he asked for a specific drink or food.

He wouldn't be sitting their like lord muck watching tv asking for food and then having me run around like a waitress and cook making him something else because he didn't want the food I'd made.

And of course if he didn't want it I'd eat it (well I wouldn't as I'm GF but .....) waste not want not!

Well today is the first day of 2.5 weeks of school hols where we live. My 8yo whined at 11.30am about being hungry and desperately wanting guacamole. Dramatic, much?

No way am I setting any precedents for the next fortnight along the lines of ‘certainly darling, let me make endless gourmet snacks for you between mealtimes, how much coriander do you prefer, honey bunny?’

I took her to the nearest shop, gave her a (small) lunch budget and waited in the car. Drove her home, showed her a Pinterest recipe and the chopping board and left her to it.

She did a decent job, very passable smashed avocado thingo. So she effectively made my lunch. She learned a lot, felt proud at her achievement. Job done.

I’d ask her to make me a ham sandwich too (now that this thread has given me a craving) but it’s coming on 10pm here and it might be a tadge unreasonable to wake her to do it?

I’ve just made myself a ham sandwich. It was delicious.

It was a reaction in the moment....but it was a good one.

The child is 8, not 2. They don’t need an in depth ‘what is it which is making you angry and what can I do to help you’ discussion about every situation. Sometimes actions speak louder than words - the sandwich going in the bin, or being eaten and no longer available, after a protracted conversation had already occurred signalled that discussion is over. And it’s absolutrly right that it is over at a point. Op didn’t make the sandwich and instantly eat it....it was after the ridiculous behaviour and failure to be reasonable. Consequences happen. Sometimes fairly quickly and for a child of 8 to realise they should consider their behaviour a bit more is a good thing. An 8 year old does not need treating like a 2 year old.

And love the idea upthread that he’d had a bad experience before with a gam sandwich that op didn’t know about and discussing those issues would help....loving it, because that IS how some people would approach it. Very amusing.

Yabu. You caused a lot of that moaning and could of handled it so much better. Child "I am hungry" parent "shall we make lunch? Do u fancy a ham sandwich" child "yes or no cheese please" then can eat the sandwich with out a drama. Plus even if u made it and he moaned he didnt want it a reasonable response would be "that's what's for lunch. I have made it and it cost money so not going to waste it to make something else" then leave child to get hungry enough to eat it. Dont eat it yourself and leave him with nothing. No wonder he is moaning he is starving. U are causing arguments with him and there is not need why do that?