AIBU to take away the ham sandwich?

[Mykidsdrivemeupthefluckingwall]

My 8yo has been in a pissy mood all morning (most his life)
And he asked for something to eat so I made him a ham sandwich.
So he moaned why was it ham? I don't want ham. I said tough that's what it is, some people don't even have food so stop whining.
Carried on moaning.
Then started moaning, oh fine I'll have to FORCE MYSELF to eat it then!!!
So I took it off him and ate it myself.

And now he's having a wobbler that he's going to starve and it's all my fault.

Please tell me I wasn't being unreasonable and he's being a brat.

I taught my daughter to make basic sandwiches at 7 when I was fairly sure she wouldn't chop off her fingers with the knife. She is now 8 and only allowed to use certain knives...that won't cause catastrophic injury to her, the cats, her brother etc. If she or older brother declare hunger at lunchtime, I point to fridge and say 'go find solution'. As others have said here, at 8 I think most children can manage some basic catering, and it teaches independence. If you keep making sandwiches, it is a rod for your own back...

Feeling powerless lol, he can get his own food if anytime he wants, the kitchens open 24/7 so he can help himself anytime.

I agree, children today are given way too much choice, maybe that's overwhelming, rather than just, that's what you're getting, it's not gruel, so get on with it.

Aw just give him the biggest love bomb hug until he gets out of his bad mood. Or send him back to bed. Poor little lamb.

Yep Mustard certainly, except
this is AIBU, and her user name suggests this is a regular mood.
Enjoy your Sunday!

Although he’s being ridiculous, ham sandwiches are awesome. I would have been eating one as I handed him his...

in our house "I'm starving" is met with "Let me show you how to make a sandwich" - they are 17 and 18 and know full well how... usually met with a grunt.

i'd make him a ham sandwich for his tea. :o

Mocking him won’t help. Imagine if you asked for something, were made to feel powerless and then laughed at.

I would feel a bit sad and embarrassed I suppose - and then because I’m not a complete pansy I would get over it and I’ll have learnt my lesson. I don’t know what it is about some people that think every tiny negative event or bit of conflict is going to scar a child for life If he usually likes ham then he’s being silly and quite brattish. I think what you did was fine, I’m sure he’ll learn a lesson from it.

We have cheese for sandwiches that’s it
But I wouldn’t be making one mid morning. Mine have breakfast and a mid morning snack - 2 choices take it or leave it and something they can get themselves. they also only get stuff if they ask nicely
No I’m hungry or starving
No I want
Or make me something etc

I have a 9 year old who cannot decide what he wants and I just have to be firm, he’s also a whiner, it’s tiring constantly but he’s really improved with less choice, and more positivity for his nice manners etc

Although in my head I’m swearing etc some days

Perfectly reasonable.

At least it's obvious where he gets the attitude from

Life's much easier if you give them a a couple of options and if they still can't decide leave them to it and tell them to get you when they've made their mind up.

Or just get him to make his own

I see your 8 year old with a pissy mood, and raise you a nearly 8 year old refusing to get dressed, wanting his brother's sweets as he ate his own yesterday ( he actually screamed and growled when I told him that wouldnt be fair) despite having a huge breakfast is trying to demand a sausage sandwich (I have no sausages and I swear he isn't hungry) and has told me that he is not eating the fruit or yoghurt I suggested as his tummy dosent want it. He is now laying on the sofa drumming his feet on the wall and throwing things at his brother, narrating his concerns at my not feeding him a sausage sandwich. I am about 20 seconds away from suggesting we chop his fingers off and cook them and make a sandwich for his poor brother. I do not know what has bloody got into him today, the backchat is unreal!

Bloody hell just ask him what he wants in a sandwich and grow up. He's eight, your presumably much older why are you trying to act at his level?
Model the behaviour you wish to see.

"Mum I'm hungry"
"Ok, there's snacks in the cupboard or fruit or I can make you a ham sandwich"
"Can I gave an apple/cracker/biscuit please"
"Of course you can"

No need for stropping, sarcasm, whining, mocking or some kind of moral tale about starving children.

Lol, OP, that'll larn him!

Whatever else he wanted, I hope you made him get it himself.

Hahaha! Chopping off his fingers for sausages 😂 laughed so loud at that. These replies cracked me up. Well at least it's good to know it's not just our household that has its moments!

A bit of light hearted mocking, when a child is behaving in a brattish way is a good response to it. It stops them becoming prissy and more self absorbed. Sometimes they will even realise how daft they are and laugh at themselves......when they do that, you know you're getting somewhere.

Definitely not good to pander to ridiculous behaviour, but call them on it.

I like the 'get on and starve quietly' comments. It is mid-morning and to be honest no one really needs a sandwich mid morning and will not suffer a terrible death if they have to wait until lunchtime.

And I agree that there are times to give choices but choices aren't needed at all times. This wasn't a meal but a quick snack and if they are hungry and offered something they usually eat, then what's the issue.

Pandering to bratty behaviour fosters it and leads to bratty teenagers and to be honest, when you see them out and about behaving in an entitled way with their parents, you'll think those parents really should have mocked them a bit younger.

I think we need more context on this...

had he eaten breakfast? If so was it enough to keep him going? what time of day was he demanding food?

I think you were wrong to eat the sandwich - it was a bit spiteful and childish. If my DCs refused food I'd leave it out for them and say if they were genuinely famished, they would eat it ( providing it was wasn't something I knew they hated.)

Personally, unless he'd eaten no breakfast, I'd have suggested an apple, banana, or a piece of cheese. Snacking is a bad habit for anyone though kids in a growing spurt might need a bit of extra protein between meals if they've been active.

I don't think directing him to the kitchen at 8 is a good idea.

A huge and growing number of kids are leaving primary school obese.

As a parent your role is to set good food habits. That means monitoring what they eat not allowing them to ransack the kitchen willy nilly.

Some kids say they are starving when they are bored or want attention.

Only you know if he was genuinely hungry or just whinging for other reasons.

If you have him warning that you were going to eat it if he didn’t stop moaning, then that’s fair enough.
If you just snatched it from him, then that’s behaving worse than him.

Powerless?
It’s a loved, well fed kid being petulant about a sandwich.

Gosh- sorry, reading that back I'm basically saying my child is worse than yours- competitive mum of a naughty kid- ing. Sorry- you did right eating his sandwich though. Perhaps an over enthusiastic session of 'this is how we make a sandwich darling'! Let mummy show you how to use a butter knife! Poor starving boy, it must be terrible! Can you reach a plate darling? Do you want mummy to help? Can you find the ham alright? Until he laughs or admits defeat 😁

Why mockery in the face of brattishness? Why not say how rude and unpleasant they’re being and suggest they go away and rethink how they’ve spoken/acted?

I now want a ham sandwich.

Yanbu.

I wonder where he gets his pissy mood from hmm

Ffs. 🙄

Your first post made me giggle that you ate it. You did nothing wrong lol. As to people are starving, very true and it might not stop someone starving (as someone said this) but it gives him a message that he is lucky and to be greatful!

Ooh I personally detest comments of others are starving so be grateful you have nice healthy food choices when you want etc.
Absolutely pointless.

I think you were mean to take away the sandwich and then eat it. That was his sandwich. You could have asked if you can have if he doesn’t want it.

However, I can see how there was some tension and the whole episode escalated, you are only human and he has been annoying all day which is not easy on you.

It’s easy for me to look from the outside and make suggestions as I am removed from the situation. Please don’t take my comments as criticism, just suggestions which might work in the future.

One suggestion would be to Try and start again, apologise to DS for being exasperated with the incident and explain to him he should choose from what is available and help with getting the sandwich/snack ready next time. He is allowed to eat anything in the house anytime he wants but he’s a big boy now and he can learn how to help with preparation. And he mustn’t be in a mood with you because you’ve done nothing to upset him. He needs to articulate if he has an issue not wonder around the house being moody and annoying and you can help him feel better.

Perhaps next time, Tell him what’s available or offer 2 choices so he feels part of the process and tell him to bring the ham from the fridge whilst you get the bread so you work together. He would feel more invested and appreciate the sandwich and if he really is hungry he’d eat it.