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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed that a joint house is not in my name

238 replies

stellavisionandunderstanding · 21/09/2019 18:54

AIBU?

I sold my house in the UK and my husband and I bought a house together. We live abroad. His parents do everything and everything is passed by them. At the time I was focused on having our second child and before I knew it, his parents had taken him to an accountant to sort out the deeds and the paperwork.

I'm really cross about this as my rights by hanging my name on a house has been lost and this is not what I signed up to. I keep saying when do I sign something and then he finally told me what they'd gone and done.

He keeps saying we'll buy another flat in a few years and your name will be on it. It annoys me that this was done for tax reasons by his parents rather than protecting the right I had. I'd like to go back and do further study and now I can't show evidence for local frees rather than international. Please tell me I'm being unreasonable!

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/09/2019 20:18

Sadly there's every chance you've been thoroughly conned - look on any of the "love rat" sites and you'll see that "it has to be in my name for tax reasons" is the oldest trick in the book

Do you know for a fact - through seeing all the paperwork - that he bought the flat off his parents, or was this a lie to get 50% of the "purchase price" off you to keep for himself?

Obviously you need legal advice, but that will cost money and unless you can prove otherwise there's every chance your DH will say the cash was a gift. Not being a lawyer myself, all I can say is good luck ... you're going to need it Hmm

zxcvhjkl · 21/09/2019 20:20

He stole from you and his attitude stinks.
A few things to think about:

  • Why does he think you should be grateful? You 50/50 the finances but not the deeds. That is not fair in any way shape or form. And yet you should be grateful?
  • Why are his parents so overly invested? You're both adults so surely should be managing this together. He is always their puppet on a string?
  • Avoiding tax is more important than doing the right thing by you Hmm
  • He's dangling a carrot in front of you with the flat to try and keep you happy. Why can't he not just have your name added instead.
  • He seems unable to comprehend that any of this is wrong. Is this someone you can really see a future with?

You are not wrong, YANBU, we are all here to tell you - there is no way, no how in which any of this situation is ok.

Seems to me he's in the process of isolating you - financially with this and then emotionally (which looks like it's starting already) and you've already moved to Oman so I'm guessing you don't have friends and family nearby for support. These are all huge red flags and textbook abusive behaviours.

Rarely can I say with such confidence - get your ducks in a row OP and LTB.

MrsNotNice · 21/09/2019 20:22

Oh shit... pp has a point in the flat being “gifted” to him by his parents.

Go to solicitors, get him to sign a paper that he took money of you, and that he will return it all in so and so date... and that he invested it in so and so property.. ans that you are entitled to all the increase in share price..

You will find out his true intentions to help yourself move forward if he declines.

That’s if you Aren’t able to get him to register your name ASAP on the property.

PickAChew · 21/09/2019 20:23

Ungrateful about taking your money and putting it into a flat that isn't in your name?

He is not a good man.

peanutbutterandbanana · 21/09/2019 20:24

You need to see an independent lawyer asap. Write down everything in bullet point form (saves lawyer fee money as they can read it quickly without you having to explain and getting confused) and find out what your rights are. This is a very sly move from your 'D'H and his parents.

PickAChew · 21/09/2019 20:28

And I reckon the property was gifted rather than bought, too. That would explain why he's doing everything to avoid you seeing the paperwork or having it amended.

Darbs76 · 21/09/2019 20:37

It’s possible there could be additional tax? We don’t know that. But he should have found that out, told you if we put this flat into joint names it will be x amount, if we put it in my name alone it x amount, what do you want to do?

My brother is engaged to a European national and has purchased a flat in the UK. As she technically owns a property in her European country (even though in reality she doesn’t, it’s been put into her name for the future so she has nothing to do with it at present but owns half legally with her brother) they couldn’t get a mortgage without paying a lot more money out as she already owned one property. This was for stamp duty. It would have been £6000 more. In reality no-one would have known had she said she doesn’t own any properties as we don’t have access to overseas land registry, but either way I would have refused to have done this. She is now paying half the bills / mortgage on a property she illegally owns no share of. Just no

Mary1935 · 21/09/2019 20:46

Is there not a charge that can be put on the property to state your interests and that it cannot be sold without your knowledge.
You need to seek legal advice.

Smith164 · 21/09/2019 20:47

Hi OP, so sorry to hear you are in this difficult position.
Must be really difficult when you have been busy with second child, and now have this to deal with.
All this does sound a bit suspicious - but you have just moved abroad, may have little support, have 2 children. This is maybe not the best time to start making demands on a man who would do something like this.
As others have suggested, I think you need to play a clever game here, you have asked several times for clarity and he is not taking ownership of it. If you speak with a solicitor, do so quietly. Then I would not say much else and plan a trip to the UK with the kids. Once you have other support around you, you will be in a stronger position to decide what the next step should be.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/09/2019 20:48

get him to sign a paper that he took money off you, that he will return it all in so and so date... and that he invested it in so and so property.. and that you are entitled to all the increase in share price

Is this really likely, when OP's said he's already refused to return to the lawyer?

Unless OP knows otherwise, I wouldn't be convinced the property's in her DH's name through gift, purchase or anything else. It could well still be legally owned by his parents, which would neatly take care of any claim on it during divorce ... and all the time "D"H would still have the money she's handed over

He may even have caused the paperwork proving where the money came from to "disappear" too

Septembersunrays · 21/09/2019 20:50

People are missing the point.
. This could be the most savvy lucrative way of saving 'tax', it could all make perfect sense.
The problem and point is, that op was not consulted as she should be, her dh and his dp have moved in a pincer moment against her and are now gas lighting her.

Septembersunrays · 21/09/2019 20:53

Puzzled that's awful so it could be a huge con, deliberate

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/09/2019 20:59

Indeed, September Sad

We can't possibly know this, but then neither does the OP right now, and personally I wouldn't take anything on trust after the way this has been handled ... even the busyness following the second child's birth could have been seen as an opportunity by a certain type of mind

It's one of those cases where I genuinely hope to be wrong, but too much of it is ringing bells with previous, well known and widely publicised cons

Tonnerre · 21/09/2019 21:01

We doesn't want to go back to these law firm and sort it out

What reason does he give for that?

VenusTiger · 21/09/2019 21:05

@stellavisionandunderstanding if I were in your shoes, I’d speak directly to the in-laws, calmly ask them to explain, as your DH can’t, and then ask “so, if it’s cheaper in one name, why isn’t it in MY name?”
It was purchased with your money was it not?

If you don’t get anywhere with the in-laws, go and see/speak to a UK solicitor yourself and get this changed into solely your name.

Shakennotshook · 21/09/2019 21:09

I'd be losing my shit over this. If you are legally married in the uk and it's a uk property then presumably itll be ok. But if I were you my marriage wouldn't be. Are the kids uk citizens or born in Oman?

Septembersunrays · 21/09/2019 21:13

If it could be con I wouldn't loose my shit and I wouldn't talk to in laws.
I'd be smiling and saying... OK... And I would contacting solicitor behind his back and googling, looking on social media.... His parents, screen shot everything... Look on the his papers... And gather evidence.

pallisers · 21/09/2019 21:15

I invested half of the money and he did too.

Go to a local lawyer. Bring evidence of the money you contributed. Ask what you can do.

No more of the chats with your husband. you need to be enraged, incandescent, about to leave his sorry fraudulent arse. You need to make his life hell until he does what he should have done at the beginning and acknowledged that YOU provided half the money for your home and your name should be on it. Threaten him with legal action followed by divorce.

Ignore the inlaws - they will never be on your side. You basically need to make him want to please you more than please his mummy and daddy. To be more frightened of your reaction than he is of theirs.
Unless of course he just wanted to defraud you of your money ... it doesn't look good tbh.

BigChocFrenzy · 21/09/2019 21:18

OP:

Did you transfer the money from your UK bank account to his UK account ?

Since the property and possibly the funds are in the UK, I'd consult a Uk solicitor

They can find out exactly who owns it - is it him or still his parents ? - and see what they advise about getting your name on it, or getting your money back

  • Skype should be possible at most legal firms if you can't fly back
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 21/09/2019 21:19

Have you seen any deeds? Sounds like your husband gave his family money and they will claim the flat is his through inheritance later down the line

BigChocFrenzy · 21/09/2019 21:20

and in future NEVER transfer money to anyone until you have a signed agreement about what it will be used for and what you get in return

Never trust anyone like this again, even close family

DeeCeeCherry · 21/09/2019 21:26

I bet his parents' names are on the house too.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/09/2019 21:29

Since they've been party to organising this behind OP's back I agree about leaving the inlaws out of it, but is it really wise to make the "D"H's life hell given where she's living now? www.hrw.org/world-report/2017/country-chapters/oman

Personally I'd want to know exactly where I stood before speaking up at all ... and for the sake of confidentiality it could be useful if OP knows anyone back in the UK who can start this process for her

FluffyCloudsInTheSky · 21/09/2019 21:38

Unacceptable!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/09/2019 21:46

Since the property and possibly the funds are in the UK, I'd consult a Uk solicitor

With OP, DH and his parents all being abroad I'd have thought the money would be too, but it's a bit unclear where this house at the centre of the issue is

I thought (but could be wrong) that the "UK house" referred to was the one which belonged to OP and was sold, but it's complicated by the fact that OP uses "house" and "flat" interchangeably

If the new place DH claims to have bought really is in the Gulf, maybe it's a self contained flat within a much larger house ... a common enough arrangement there

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