About these parents letting their toddler run riot in a restaurant?

[Cheeseoncrumpets]

I want to start by saying that I have no issue with children being in restaurants, but this really did take the piss IMO.

Went out with a friend to a well known chain restaurant for lunch. Very family friendly and lots of families there as a result. As above I have no problem with that, however one couple who unforunately were sat in the booth right behind us, continually let their toddler run riot.

The restauarnt have high chairs available but they had for whatever reason chosen not to use one and he was sat on the seat next to his parents. He kept getting down and running off, firstly he ran right over to the otherside of the restaurant then towards the serving hatch area where staff are collecting hot food, and finally towards the kitchen doors which suddenly prompted the father to go and retrieve him. They sat him down and kept trying to pacify him with lots of 'no don't do that Charlie' (not his real name), 'would you like to play on Mummy's phone Charlie?'. He then kept trying to climb over the booth, and was at one point standing on the seats. At no point did either parent do much to get him under control other than utter a half arsed 'dont do that Charlie'. A walk outside usually works IME.

Eventually he climbed down and went to sleep on the floor next to their table cuddling a soft toy, meaning staff and customers had to either step over him or walk around him. Both parents sat there and just gazed at him adoringly before paying the bill, scooping him up in their arms and leaving.

I'd like to stress I know this wasnt the little boy's fault. He wasnt any older than about two, was clearly bored and just wanted to go off and explore like toddlers do. Im just a bit shocked that either parent thought this was acceptable parenting?

AIBU to think that some parents are incrediably entitled and expect everyone else to tolerate their kids?

It's harming children in the long run if you don't make an effort to get them to behave with other people, and it's very discourteous to other people in the restaurant. Having said that, it's just possible that the child had behavioural problems. If he was autistic, for example, letting him lie on the floor is very annoying for other people as well as dangerous for him, but it might have been the only way of calming him (As it turns out, it was.) But of course in that case the parents were very mistaken to bring him to a crowded place at all. If we are just talking about a badly behaved child then no-one who objects to that is being unreasonable, and as long as other people clearly show their discomfort without being abusive it should after a few such incidents show the parents how unreasonable they are being in not controlling their child. Good luck, though.

Mydogmylife what a non argument.

Belle I jumped at you ?! You mean I replied to your argument ? Get over yourself

turn a blind eye on.

This suggests that you know what he is doing is wrong and anti-social. If you are too tired then do yourself a favour and don’t take him to a crowded public places where you need to watch him.

You are doing him no favours in letting him think this is ok behaviour in public. He’ll have to learn sometime and it is more difficult the older he gets.

Let’s be clear, I am not saying that you shouldn’t take him out. Children should be out seeing how the world works. But you cannot abdicate your responsibility to be showing them how to successfully pilot their way through the world. Not leaving them to think that being a self absorbed arsehole is ok.

A friend of mine had a wise saying ‘Let child do some once and it becomes a habit.’

None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. But defending ruining other people’s lunch and making the jobs of staff more difficult because you are tired is selfish.

I wonder if you would change your tune if it was your son who was injured because someone else’s child was out of control.

It’s a shame mothers can’t have one place on the internet where non parents aren’t hanging around calling them breeders and looking for reasons to judge. Fucking weird to hang around MN if you hate women and kids that much.

I left a cafe early today because my 2 year-old wouldn’t stay in her seat. It’s the age when kids start to use normal seats and it’s sometimes quieter for other patrons to let them sit in the big seats. But even the best behaved 2 year olds have their moments. Sympathy to all the women out their today being judged for daring to inhabit public space after having children.

BelleSausage

As I said, in what way was what I suggested infringing on others? Lack of adult table manners isn’t infringing on anyone.

I’m neither agreeing with the parents nor the OP here. I think BOTH are wrong. I think some tolerance and kind intervention is fine. And I think “social expectations” shouldn’t be automatically imposed on a child but taught gently.

@MrsNotNice

This is what you replied:

*We both agree that we draw a line when a child or others are at risk.

What’s being discussed here is parents are Lazy and selfish if they don’t teach kids table manners at age 2 and if they’re being noisy and explorative in a restaurant. where do we draw the line?? That’s where we disagree.*

That second paragraph is all projection. My first post mentioned nothing about table manners. I wasn’t agreeing or disagreeing with YOU about anything.

That whole second paragraph is a logical fallacy. Teaching table manners at aged two is a sliding scale not the kind of black and white argument you are trying to make.

The word ‘entitled’ is so overused on mumsnet that it’s basically lost all meaning. Therefore YABU for using it, and I can’t be arsed to respond beyond that.

Oh no god forbid you interrupt your meal
🙄

anothernamejeeves

Or god forbid your meal is interrupted by my giggly 19 month old wanting to explore what’s next to your table or stand tall on mine. Tut tut

@AlansLeftMoob
Yes! Don’t inflict your child’s unruly behaviour on other people who have paid a lot of money to have a quiet meal . If your children cannot behave in a restaurant then don’t take them and take action. Your post is flippant and somewhat childish. No one is saying that you can’t go out in public with your children, it’s just that restaurants are not crèches whereby parents absolve themselves of parental responsibility and allow their children to run riot. Read the original post!

@MrsNotNice you sound so entitled “ MY meal” “MY” child. To even contemplate letting your child stand on a table!!!!! Who does this??? That’s shocking behaviour

@MrsNotNice

Defensive much!
Not sure where you're going with this, nor why you're chipping at me. My only issue with your comments originally were the sitting/standing on tables which I happen to think is wrong, and I have replied to you stating why. You may not agree, your privilege , others have I think agreed with me , and in fact have been arguing against your gentle parenting approach considerably more robustly than I have.

Bottom line is, I do not have any sympathy with those that see normal child behaviour as a burden.

Unless it’s directly a risk on the child or others, or a clear disturbance.

I’m willing to adjust my parenting only if I’m convinced that my child’s behaviour has direct impact on someone else and not because they have “expectations”.

Again your child your problem. If mine are sat nicely or I've bothered to get a sitter for some peace and relaxation I am not interested in your child exploring by my table have some common sense and consideration and life will be much nicer for you

@MrsNotNice people have said all the way through this thread there is a time and a place for 'normal child development' I've no idea why you cant grasp this?

And if I’d come out for a meal I wouldn’t engage with your little gently parented child , hanging around my table, giggling or bum shuffling or shrieking jumping/ standing on chairs / tables ripping open packets of sugar and pouring them in the table..... or whatever. He’d be ignored because when you are a parent of children yourself you come out for peace and quiet. I would either ask to be moved away from you, complain or ignore. So there would be no village raising a child going on I can tell you. Raise your own and do it properly

You know what, I'm normally the most judgemental person on earth about children being a pain in the arse.....but my partner is an actor and has Aspergers. In a restaurant last week he did the following-

Talked too loud
Went up to other people's tables to make conversation
Sat on a table and swung his legs......
.....whilst serenading a lady celebrating her 80th birthday....

That child will grow up. My partner? Nah.

I think he's cute

I’m a parent. If I am out without my children I will engage with a child who comes up to my table. Because it’s what you do for other parents.

No it isn't

I'm not a kids entertainer

And if I’d come out for a meal I wouldn’t engage with your little gently parented child , hanging around my table, giggling or bum shuffling or shrieking jumping/ standing on chairs / tables ripping open packets of sugar and pouring them in the table..... or whatever.

Wow convenient extrapolation there. They don’t bum shuffle at 19 months and I wouldn’t allow that in a restaurant as that’s risky on him before anything else.

Standing on tables and chairs won’t be tolerated unless I’m playing with him on MY Table. As clearly stated he would be infringing on others but I’m happy to contain his behavior within my own zone without taking any judgement thanks!

Ripping open packets of sugar and opening on tables is wasteful and infringing on the restaurant so I wouldn’t do it.

And yes please I’m not expecting you to engage with him. I’m expecting you to have curtesy to ignore and not make a problem out of it.. unless it is a problem. Otherwise my parenting is no one else’s business.. and expectations of table manners aren’t my priority.

Village raising a child isn’t compulsory. What I’m saying is if it bothered OP so much that the child was out of control it wouldn’t been nice to tell him to go back to mummy insted of seething about it and ruining her experience because guess what mistakes happen.

Being a kids’ entertainer is like the job description of being a parent!

@MrsNotNice you’re going to do your child a bigger disservice by never disciplining them or teaching table manners.

A 19 month old can sit and eat. They can sign please and thank you if they’re non-verbal yet. They never have to be standing on chairs or tables. If you can’t see that then I feel sorry for your child. How are they going to survive the rules and regulations coming up in the next few years at school etc? It’s not going to cause them undue damage to be polite members of society that don’t infringe on other people’s lives.

@1Morewineplease "Yes! Don’t inflict your child’s unruly behaviour on other people who have paid a lot of money to have a quiet meal . If your children cannot behave in a restaurant then don’t take them and take action. Your post is flippant and somewhat childish. No one is saying that you can’t go out in public with your children, it’s just that restaurants are not crèches whereby parents absolve themselves of parental responsibility and allow their children to run riot. Read the original post!"

I read the original post. Maybe you missed the part where the OP said it was a well-known chain family friendly restaurant? If you don't want to be bothered by children while you eat, don't go to family friendly restaurants. There are plenty of ones aimed at adults. Nobody "pays a lot of money to have a quiet meal" at a Wahrspons which is what I'm assuming this was (or similar). I didn't go near a restaurant with one of my kids from when he was 2 until he was about 5 because he was one of those loud, annoying kids who wouldn't sit. So I didn't bring him. These people paid money the same as everyone else, and if the child was that much of a burden the staff would not have just left him on the ground and "stepped over him" which I think anyone with an ounce of common sense recognises as a gross exaggeration. You don't know what those parents were going through, what kind of news they had received, why they were there, if the child had additional needs, or yes, indeed, if they were just assholes - but it's none of the OP's business as, FROM READING THE POST, she wasn't directly affected by the child in any way.

DisorganisedOrganiser right ? Im missing my child just reading about those cheeky kids need him to wake up 😂

Or god forbid your meal is interrupted by my giggly 19 month old wanting to explore what’s next to your table or stand tall on mine. Tut tut

But that’s the point, isn’t it. You may see your child as a ‘giggly 19 month old’ but it is a fucking pain in the arse if someone also has a toddler with them, who is trying to be well behaved and there is another child running around unchecked.

Other people have paid to have a nice time too. And that doesn’t include being constantly interrupted by guests from another table. It is selfish. And all you are teaching your child is that other people don’t count.