About these parents letting their toddler run riot in a restaurant?

[Cheeseoncrumpets]

I want to start by saying that I have no issue with children being in restaurants, but this really did take the piss IMO.

Went out with a friend to a well known chain restaurant for lunch. Very family friendly and lots of families there as a result. As above I have no problem with that, however one couple who unforunately were sat in the booth right behind us, continually let their toddler run riot.

The restauarnt have high chairs available but they had for whatever reason chosen not to use one and he was sat on the seat next to his parents. He kept getting down and running off, firstly he ran right over to the otherside of the restaurant then towards the serving hatch area where staff are collecting hot food, and finally towards the kitchen doors which suddenly prompted the father to go and retrieve him. They sat him down and kept trying to pacify him with lots of 'no don't do that Charlie' (not his real name), 'would you like to play on Mummy's phone Charlie?'. He then kept trying to climb over the booth, and was at one point standing on the seats. At no point did either parent do much to get him under control other than utter a half arsed 'dont do that Charlie'. A walk outside usually works IME.

Eventually he climbed down and went to sleep on the floor next to their table cuddling a soft toy, meaning staff and customers had to either step over him or walk around him. Both parents sat there and just gazed at him adoringly before paying the bill, scooping him up in their arms and leaving.

I'd like to stress I know this wasnt the little boy's fault. He wasnt any older than about two, was clearly bored and just wanted to go off and explore like toddlers do. Im just a bit shocked that either parent thought this was acceptable parenting?

AIBU to think that some parents are incrediably entitled and expect everyone else to tolerate their kids?

cathf, having worked in noisy environments for years I am very good at blocking out noise and was laid back about this before children yes. I freely admit though in terms of children’s behaviour I was a judgemental twat before I had kids. Although I wouldn’t have started a thread about it I may have glared at the parents. I absolutely cringe looking back on some of the things I thought and said before kids. I didn’t have a fucking clue. I wised up about 2 minutes after having my first baby. I have older kids (although nowhere near the teenage years). I absolutely never complain about toddlers. Ever. I do frequently thank my lucky stars I no longer have toddlers though as it is fucking hard.

Gentle parenting is all well and good, but not to the detriment of other people.

It won’t scar a child for life to be told to sit down and eat lunch. And if that doesn’t gel with people’s way of parenting, then surely there is much more stimulating places to take a child where you don’t have to ask them to sit down?

This is why I never take my kids out. (5 and 3) Judgemental people. I will pay for a babysitter than be judged thanks.

MustardScreams
To a 19 month old that sounds like “@£#%*+=“.

If you can't control your child in order to keep them safe - as PPS have said, a busy place with hot food, hot drinks potentially being poured over them as the wreck the place, eat at home.

YANBU OP. That's before I even mention being able to enjoy a meal in relative peace. Kids kick off but it's the adults in charge who's responsibility it is to keep them in check.

Sometimes me and DH used to have to tag team, sometimes we shoved a phone at DD but she's been taken out since she was 1 day old and she knows how to behave - however, no way we'd allow this behaviour.

It isn’t though. I’ve taken dd to restaurants, Michelin included, since she was newborn. Never has she run around, got in the way of other people or screamed/shouted. If she does get bored, i either take her out for a run around or get my food to go.

It’s not hard. It’s having a bit of respect for other people that may have to save for months to be able to go out and enjoy themselves. Or that it’s the first time in months/years since they had a child free day.

I think people forget that no one likes their kids as much as they do. What you find cute and endearing is highly bloody annoying for others.

This could all be avoided if, when you deliver a child, you are given a list of places where you are now no longer welcome until your child is a teenager. Restaurants, Cinema, Shops, Post Offices, Churches, Weddings, Hotels, anywhere with a queue, anywhere with other people, anywhere quiet. You shall be allowed one outing per week to a mother and baby group and one outing every two weeks to a soft play centre wherein you must sign a contract to state that you will not take your eyes off your child for the duration of the stay for fear that your little cherub pluck the eyes from another's fair head.

@MrsNotNice you sound like an absolute pain in the ass. Your kid is your issue to control not everyone else's

There's an expected standard of behaviour in a restaurant, where food and drink is being carried around, and where other people are paying to enjoy a meal.

It isn't acceptable for anybody of any age to be running around, screaming, standing on tables etc. And whilst a toddler may not know how to behave, the parent is there to bring them back into line. If your child wants to explore, walk around with them.

Part of the issue in society these days is that people are very quick to disregard others. They're too happy to do whatever they want regardless of the impact on others.

Oh god, this thread has given me flashbacks. My eldest was absolutely awful to take out. And, it was sort of unavoidable at times, long road trips etc.

Having to basically hold a heavy toddler at arms length for an hour (hold them in chair, pull back from under seat, lift into high chair, on a frigging loop, with no break!!! Honestly, I wish I'd just fucking let them have at it once in a while. I think it gave me PTSD. No joke.

Pretty much all toddlers in that situation WANT to run about, but not all of them do it because their parents have found a way to manage the situation or they just don't go.

Can you imagine if all these toddlers were just running around like they want to in restaurants? It'd be a nightmare !

Toddlers need room for freedom yes. But you do that in a park/softplay/garden not a place where people go to eat/relax and people are carrying hot food in and out

If parents know their children are unlikely to behave then they should not be taken into restaurants.

@MrsNotNice
Well, hygiene for a start. Nappy clad bums , mucky feet ( you mention yourself walking your toddler through the restaurant to explore ) yuk.

I appreciate that from the way you post that your child is obviously the centre of your world, and quite rightly so, but they are not the centre of everyone else's . Sadly I would not be looking lovingly at your child playing on the table, or bum wiggling round the tables as you so fondly imagine. But hey , each to their own I suppose

In this circumstance I'd say YANBU OP - you've made it clear it's not children in restaurants that is an issue, but that a toddler was running around an unsafe environment and by the sounds of it, completely unchecked by it's parents (except when said child got close to the kitchen doors). I don't think this is acceptable as it's a danger to the child as well as other patrons.

FWIW I have twin toddlers who are generally quiet enough (bar the odd excited squeals and laughter) but also still really enjoy flinging their food around the place, so for that reason alone I won't even entertain the idea of taking them out for a meal. DH and I agreed before they were born that we'd wait for those sorts of experiences until we had instilled good enough table manners at home (more for our own sanity tbh).

I think back to my younger days with my Grandparents (and two siblings) - if we had behaved out of line in any place my Grandparents would warn us sternly once and then on the second offence would get up and leave. That being said they weren't really 'restaurant' people so I can appreciate that approach could be somewhat difficult especially if food has already been ordered.

Mydogmylife

If it’s MY table and MY child, and he is sitting on the table or putting his shoes and I’m tolerating it, how is this disturbing anyone else ?!

Not saying I would be over the moon but if it’s my last resort as to not disturb MY restaurant visit and it’s not infringing on anyone else then, I might actually tolerate that..

How does it infringe on you to have him walk around with me or sit/stand on MY table ?!

You're just setting your child up for a mighty fall tbh when they realise they can't just stand up on the table when they feel like it because you know manners

anothernamejeeves

Yes my 19 months old hasn’t yet fully developed “social manners” and I am usually with him watching him when outside and our house is toddler proof.

Next ?

How does that infringe on you?

@MrsNotNice

I wasn’t talking about you. I was talking about the people in the OP.

And you are projecting because you are making this all about you.

This is tiresome. Are you always this defensive?

BelleSausage

Yes , of little toddlers my sons age yyyup.

And no you weren’t I was the only one bringing up gentle parenting into the discussion.

@MrsNotNice

It’s not your table. It belongs to the restaurant. Someone else will have to eat at it after you. The waiting staff will have to clear it.

I prefer to instill consideration into my child than let them walk all over everything. And guess what, she has a fabulous time colouring and talking and looking around.

Because I’ve put the effort into practising those skills with her. Because I know they’re important for adult life.

@MrsNotNice

Oh do get over yourself. I had not read the whole thread. I didn’t even know you existed until you replied to me.

My point is this (read carefully):

These parents weren’t doing ‘gentle parenting’ they were being lazy buggers. I wasn’t having a go at gentle parents. You decided to take umbridge because other were having a go.

I might have been vaguely on your side if you hadn’t jumped on me.

BelleSausage

Seeing how my toddler doesn’t talk yet, and how the table will be wiped and should be.. then i still don’t see the issue if I slacked in this just because I don’t want him screaming in the high chair. And if I’m feeling tooo tired to take him out and interrupt my meal.

Majority of the time I do entertain him and it works.. but this is something I’m willing to turn a blind eye on.

And your daughter sounds charming. I see many kids like that. I was a very compliant child. It’s not because my mum had super amazing parenting skills. I was just more able to comprehend orders.

@MrsNotNice

No concern for other patrons using the facilities after you ?

And I might add my comment regarding children sitting/ standing on tables does not immediately mean that I think they should be 'strapped in ' , you have massively extrapolated that from what I said.
I also would not presume comment to a parent how to 'parent' their child either negatively or positively as it is their business - unless of course there was danger involved- as I would have thought was obvious from my comment 'to each their own '
I'm sorry to say however that the more you post the more I feel that you don't give a flying one about others around you as long as you and your adored one are doing just fine! Shame really as up until now I really had no feelings either way re gentle parenting but you are not coming across as a great advocate so far.
I think we can only agree to disagree