About these parents letting their toddler run riot in a restaurant?

[Cheeseoncrumpets]

I want to start by saying that I have no issue with children being in restaurants, but this really did take the piss IMO.

Went out with a friend to a well known chain restaurant for lunch. Very family friendly and lots of families there as a result. As above I have no problem with that, however one couple who unforunately were sat in the booth right behind us, continually let their toddler run riot.

The restauarnt have high chairs available but they had for whatever reason chosen not to use one and he was sat on the seat next to his parents. He kept getting down and running off, firstly he ran right over to the otherside of the restaurant then towards the serving hatch area where staff are collecting hot food, and finally towards the kitchen doors which suddenly prompted the father to go and retrieve him. They sat him down and kept trying to pacify him with lots of 'no don't do that Charlie' (not his real name), 'would you like to play on Mummy's phone Charlie?'. He then kept trying to climb over the booth, and was at one point standing on the seats. At no point did either parent do much to get him under control other than utter a half arsed 'dont do that Charlie'. A walk outside usually works IME.

Eventually he climbed down and went to sleep on the floor next to their table cuddling a soft toy, meaning staff and customers had to either step over him or walk around him. Both parents sat there and just gazed at him adoringly before paying the bill, scooping him up in their arms and leaving.

I'd like to stress I know this wasnt the little boy's fault. He wasnt any older than about two, was clearly bored and just wanted to go off and explore like toddlers do. Im just a bit shocked that either parent thought this was acceptable parenting?

AIBU to think that some parents are incrediably entitled and expect everyone else to tolerate their kids?

Is gentle parenting an actual thing? Like controlled crying and child led weaning.

Each child has their own personality, I’m not convinced that it’s easy to get every child to fall into line. Certainly aim for it, but easier for some than others.

But this thing about a community raising a child is great but please don’t expect the community to do to it with a huge amount of affection for your child. They won’t gentle parent your child, they’re likely to tell them off and complain to you. Many parents don’t like this.

@MrsNotNice you mentioned bottom wiggling or something- I misquoted it as bum shuffling. In fact you mention 19 month olds don’t do this as though you think I don’t have kids or haven’t had babies - well my first child didn’t walk until bang on 19 months but he crawled and bum shuffled until such time as he could walk. So you’re wrong. Yes I would complain to the manager if you let your child stand on a restaurant table. Could have anything on his feet and the tables are just wiped over with a damp cloth they aren’t bleached. So you could pass on anything germs wise to others. Selfish. Also it’s not YOUR table it belongs to the restaurant

MrsNotNice you’re going to do your child a bigger disservice by never disciplining them or teaching table manners.

In fact, gentle parenting IS about disciplining them but with age appropriate means and distractions. No one said I’m not teaching them but the process takes longer that’s all.

And as selfish as this sounds, my time at the restaurant is the time for me to relax and eat. . And that’s when I dial down my parenting to the bare minimum of what he can grasp.

There I said it :D.

So long as I’m not infringing on others then yes I am “entitled” to feel normal.

I shuddered at your post, mrsnotnice, about your child being allowed to climb on the table. I was at a Harvester this week, saw a child do exactly that, egged on by the parent to be honest, and I saw that child fall off the table and smash his face. I never want to see that again.

I don't understand why any parent wouldn't restrain a small child, the child wouldn't understand risk but the parent would. I keep seeing that little kid, face covered in blood and howling. :(

What a nob

I used to be surprised at how often I got complimented on my twins behavior in restaurants, it's fine but not astonishing.
@MrsNotNice posts have helped explain it though.
If genuine of course 😂.

"Or god forbid your meal is interrupted by my giggly 19 month old wanting to explore what’s next to your table or stand tall on mine. Tut tut"

A giggly 19 month old exploring next to my son's table would upset him. He has severe autism and toddlers make him anxious. He would probably want to leave and may get distressed.

@MrsNotNice

But I quote ' God forbid your meal is interrupted by my giggly 19 month wanting to explore what's next to your table' the implication is that other diners should smile fondly on your child and not mind being disturbed and as such you are infringing on others.

You also seem to think that because you want to relax and have a meal you can drop the ball on parenting your own child to your usual standards, or as that not what you mean by dial down your parenting to the bare minimum?

@pumkinspicetime god help us if she is real
The type who would take a smiling selfie outside ground zero

So long as I’m not infringing on others then yes I am “entitled” to feel normal.

But you are infringing on others.

This is bloody Britain. No one is going to say it out loud IRL but this kind of lax parenting is epically cunty.

@MrsNotNice is probably the type of mum who changes her baby on the table too then carries on eating without washing her hands. Inconsiderate and plain revolting ‘parenting’ is far too common in the UK

AlansLeftMoob
A child friendly restaurant doesn’t mitigate unruly behaviour.
Typical pub chains ( which I wasn’t referring to) still expect certain behaviours. Staff are often too wary of approaching parents.
OP was making an observation.
I have gone to many restaurants, child friendly and high end. I have children, went through the tricky , how will we entertain them phase, like many others and, like you, we refrained from eating out for a while.
As to SEN .. I am post-grad in this field. Boundaries .
Majority of appalling behaviour by children that I’ve encountered in restaurants is purely parental led ( or not led .)

I will never forget the screams of a toddler who had freshly poured coffee tipped over him after he ran into a lady carrying a tray, the sobs of his Mother as she realised it was her fault, the tears of the poor woman who had been carrying the tray and the look of horror on the paramedics face as they worked on the poor little soul. Cafes and restaurants are not playgrounds

@MrsNotNice - I’ve googled gentle parenting and apparently it is a real thing with books and stuff.

Transpired that was my natural style too BUT it did not absolve my responsibility to ensure my child was safe in any given environment and I did not put others at risk, or leave a bigger mess, leave restaurant staff to clear any more than food debris, or put anyone else out.

Yup, exited kids for a bit, bit more food on a table, a wander with a parent (not getting in the way of staff etc), bring my own entertainment, and if ds really could not cope, we would leave.

@MoonbeamBonnet 🙌🏼🙌🏼 Thank you !

OP you says it's not your problem what the parents were going through that day, if the toddler was tired etc etc... equally it's not the parents' problem that you got pissed off by their toddler- from the sounds of it he did nothing to bother you- didn't go up to your table or anything. If you go to family friendly places in future maybe try and just try to pay less attention to what's going on around you and enjoy yourself. It's a bit weird to be honest that this pissed you off so much you had to post about it. Even if it was a bit annoying it's kind of an everyday occurrence in these places.

Unless it’s directly a risk on the child or others, or a clear disturbance

Disturbance is somewhat personal. What I consider a disturbance might not be the same to you.

Also, the child in question being on the floor poses a significant risk to themselves and others.

I don't think you're unreasonable at all OP.

I he's 'full of beans' then he should be left at home or strapped in a highchair

I haven’t RTFT but @MrsNotNice allowing your toddler to sit and stand on a table where food is served is .

My view is that running around, putting feet on chairs and tables and lying on the floor, are all behaviours which are inappropriate for a restaurant no matter how family-friendly. I also love the overlap between “you shouldn’t go to any restaurant that’s meant for families” and “children have just as much right to be in public” is funny. The number of spaces where adults can expect peace and quiet (without a huge price tag) decreases all the time.

That said, OP, calling people breeders is vile.

YANBU

Quite simply, some parents aren't able to control their children.

I've seen this before and thought...that kid will get hurt if they don't stop him running around.

I've seen the waiting staff be bumped into and just hoped an accident doesn't happen.

A few times the child has fallen over or bumped into something and proceeded to cry....and I kind of think... maybe that'll make the parents step up.

IMO if you can't control your child, stay at home and don't ruin other people's dining experience...unless you're in McDonalds.

These are probably the same kids who are allowed to run crazy in the supermarket.

Now I have RTFT... jesus @MrsNotNice you are out of this world. You simultaneously decide that restaurant-time is your time so it’s fine to dial down your parenting, but by god the rest of the world needs to step up and be part of the village by: redirecting your child back to you (remembering to call him darling obvs); ignoring him standing on tables/chairs and staring (if they can’t do anything positive such as chat to him or gaze lovingly obvs); ignoring him rifling through anything interesting of theirs that takes his fancy; not being grossed out by his feet/nappy on the table; enjoying his “bum-wiggling” around their table; and not getting in the way of your preferred version of parenting. Did I miss anything?

@WhoTellsYourStory

Sums it up nicely I would say

I’m a parent. If I am out without my children I will engage with a child who comes up to my table

I too will engage, 'Go away' usually does the trick.

WhoTellsYourStory

Yeh you missed the part where I didnt mention any nappy on the table because he is fully clothed .

The drama!

@MrsNotNice is probably the type of mum who changes her baby on the table

Or she's one of an obnoxious group of yummies who colonosed an huge area of the cafe at Dunham Massey, food every where, much of it not purchased there and a couple of brats beings allowed to paint the table with an up turned yoghurt. After they had gone, leaving the place looking like Beirut on a bad day, a member of the staff came over with bags and buckets, she told us they came in every week, bought a coffee each and stayed a couple of hours and left this mess behind.