About these parents letting their toddler run riot in a restaurant?

[Cheeseoncrumpets]

I want to start by saying that I have no issue with children being in restaurants, but this really did take the piss IMO.

Went out with a friend to a well known chain restaurant for lunch. Very family friendly and lots of families there as a result. As above I have no problem with that, however one couple who unforunately were sat in the booth right behind us, continually let their toddler run riot.

The restauarnt have high chairs available but they had for whatever reason chosen not to use one and he was sat on the seat next to his parents. He kept getting down and running off, firstly he ran right over to the otherside of the restaurant then towards the serving hatch area where staff are collecting hot food, and finally towards the kitchen doors which suddenly prompted the father to go and retrieve him. They sat him down and kept trying to pacify him with lots of 'no don't do that Charlie' (not his real name), 'would you like to play on Mummy's phone Charlie?'. He then kept trying to climb over the booth, and was at one point standing on the seats. At no point did either parent do much to get him under control other than utter a half arsed 'dont do that Charlie'. A walk outside usually works IME.

Eventually he climbed down and went to sleep on the floor next to their table cuddling a soft toy, meaning staff and customers had to either step over him or walk around him. Both parents sat there and just gazed at him adoringly before paying the bill, scooping him up in their arms and leaving.

I'd like to stress I know this wasnt the little boy's fault. He wasnt any older than about two, was clearly bored and just wanted to go off and explore like toddlers do. Im just a bit shocked that either parent thought this was acceptable parenting?

AIBU to think that some parents are incrediably entitled and expect everyone else to tolerate their kids?

At the point your child is running through a restaurant putting themselves and others at risk or trips and burns its time to halt the 'gentle parenting' and begin the actual parenting.

Do you seriously think it's ok for someone to break a bone (possible and certainly could be extremely problematic for the elderly) or suffer permanent burn scars because it vile to control a human.

Prison is controlling humans. Should we release all inmates and gently socialise them?

Yeah when you’ve got a 2 year old in a busy restaurant who really doesn’t want to sit still sometimes you just have to take it in turns to take them outside or for a walk around. It’s a safety issue for me more than anything else - I do try to be considerate of other people but my prime concern is making sure DD doesn’t end up crashing into waiting staff who are carrying hot food and breakables.

Mydogmylife

I think it’s only a problem between me and my child if he does. And I would be least concerned about what others think, while I do my gentle parenting in trying to redirect him to play. And if I was feeling tired I would rather he be sitting on the table than roaming around annoying others.

I don’t think it’s anyones business to judge my parenting if they see him on the table. And if anyone came telling me I’m a bad parent for not strapping him on the chair I would mercilessly tell them all the things wrong with them which don’t concern me.

Because In all honesty, what is a child on a table doing to others ???

Unless they wanna kindly come and speak to him in baby language and support me to teach him to sit on the chair then theyre not welcome since it does not affect them

While you go off calling us parents who believe in gentle parenting
It is possible to keep a child entertained in a gentle way. It is even possible to tell a child off in a gentle way.

There is a gap between watching our children misbehave and do nothing because we don't want to upset them and shouting at them and restraining them at a table with a gag in their mouth!

The landlord came out and bellowed (really loudly, made everyone jump) "SEAT THESE CHILDREN NOW OR LEAVE"... you could have heard a pin drop for ages, then the parents picked up the kids and left.

Holy shit I would of laughed my arse off

swingofthings

I don’t disagree with that. As I mentioned the parents were not doing things right. But it’s still not an invitation to judge them. It would’ve been to me an invitation to support/advise them assuming they were probably tired as most parents are.

I think the OP was being unkind judging and seething instead of either being proactive or just tolerating someone else having a hard day.

Gentle parenting means also accepting that many times things don’t work. But I never said I agree with the child being a risk to themselves or others. Intervention was needed.. but the lack of doesn’t invite such judgement in my opinion plus I’m pretty sure the parents intervened in many instances but the OP sounded like she only noticed what they didn’t do.

Any time there's a thread about disruptive behaviour on mumsnet, some posters think calling those who disagree with it, 'judgey' or 'joyless' is a valid argument. It's not.
There are places you can take children where they can scream, run around, and screech all they like. A restaurant is not one of those places.
If you can't manage your child or keep him/her occupied, then admit it and stop inflicting the resulting behavior on other people.
I'm sure you wouldn't like it if your child ended up with a plate of hot food land on their head after they've caused a waiter to trip over them. Stop being so selfish.

youarenotkiddingme

Gentle parenting is Actual parenting. Whatever you meant by that.

And of course no one is saying the child should be left in risky situations.

But I don’t see that being the point discussed by the OP. The main point was that the kid was a nuisance. I am more concerned with the fact the child was not safe if this was all accurate description. Thought I highly doubt no one intervened if so.

This is not gentle parenting.

It’s not even parenting. Because that verb suggests action.

It’s laziness.

If you have a toddler out in a restaurant then they are your responsibility.

So it is your responsibility to make sure that they aren’t putting themselves and others at risk by roaring around the restaurant.

It just takes some actual effort.

Don’t take kids out to a restaurant and assume it is going to be relaxing.

BelleSausage

We both agree that we draw a line when a child or others are at risk.

What’s being discussed here is parents are Lazy and selfish if they don’t teach kids table manners at age 2 and if they’re being noisy and explorative in a restaurant. where do we draw the line?? That’s where we disagree.

We used to take it in turns to eat whilst the other played with/ kept an eye on the children. Or if they became noisy they would go in the car ( with an adult). With other peoples I usually find a hard Paddington stare works!

And I disagree with the way of handling the situation as I do think a village raises a child and if parents aren’t being too attentive I would just kindly bring something to their attention instead of sit there seething. If it’s to do with their child’s safety or safety of others. Honestly!

If I saw a child running I wouldn’t hesitate to tell it off.

Well neither would I. But gently.

I would love it for my child to hear out the opinions of the public and learn. Honestly!

unless I’m following my child and giving him the green light to roam around safely then feel free to be that caring person that tells my 2 year old child “darling, go back to mummy”.

Oh, FFS. Gentle parenting my arse. Stop being so bloody feeble.

Mrs sorry my point did come back as judgemental. I was actually pointing out that when a child is playing others at risk you need to act - it may be in a way that isn't within the gentle parenting manual. But that doesn't mean those of us who do this are controlling and vile. I was trying to address points people made.

I gentle parent to a point. That point is until ds isn't getting the hint and following advice and I need to act!

We're, all the pps so laid back about having their lunch spoiled by noisy children so laid back before they had children?
I find it amazing how people don't seem to be able to look out of the bubble they are currently inhabiting and imagine life outside.
So parents of newborns complain about rough toddlers, parents of toddlers complain about older kids at soft play. Parents of older kids complain about toddlers getting in the way, and everybody complains about teenagers.
The stage your child is, at should always be the pivitol stage, when everyone else - younger and older - should accommodate them.
Of course the OP was not being unreasonable. All of the pps being so understanding of the parents and toddler will not be in a few years time when their child has left that stage.
If your child is going to disturb others in any way, you don't take them out, simple. And if that means no eating out for a few years, so be it.

I'm shocked there are people defending this behaviour on here.

I once took my 3 dc out to eat at a foodie type pub and they said there wasn’t a child’s menu. I said it was ok as they ate adult food. They were around 9, 7 and 4.

We had a good night out as we fed them from the starters menu and bits from our plates. Typical things they ate included mushrooms in filo baskets, pate, garlic prawns, steak, chicken etc and obviously the desserts.

And they sat in their seats like angels as it was a treat, and they’d been warned if there was bad behaviour it wouldn’t happen again.

I took them to McDonald’s the next week though! As they preferred that type of food (unfortunately).

@MrsNotNice

Where did I say anything about table manners?

I was talking about lazy soda letting their children run around a restraint causing a hazard. Stop projecting your argument on to me.

OP I hate it too. They should stay home if they can’t control their spawn.

Fucking auto correct.

It should be lazy sods letting their children run around a restaurant.

@MrsNotNice I would tell your child in no uncertain terms “ back to your mum” but I wouldn’t be calling him/her darling!

Gentle parenting equals lazy, self absorbed and individualistic, entitled bull shit.

BelleSausage

I believe I’m the one that raised the gentle parenting argument, elaboratively and then you went to describe it as lazy parenting. My point wasn’t to say the parents in here were being gentle, I’m clarifying that my argument with regards to gentle parenting is about the fact you don’t end up with a fully contained toddler but instead leave them some room for freedom. And that I raised that point with regards to not being restrictive with table manner expectations,

I’m not seeing how that’s orojevting