About these parents letting their toddler run riot in a restaurant?

[Cheeseoncrumpets]

I want to start by saying that I have no issue with children being in restaurants, but this really did take the piss IMO.

Went out with a friend to a well known chain restaurant for lunch. Very family friendly and lots of families there as a result. As above I have no problem with that, however one couple who unforunately were sat in the booth right behind us, continually let their toddler run riot.

The restauarnt have high chairs available but they had for whatever reason chosen not to use one and he was sat on the seat next to his parents. He kept getting down and running off, firstly he ran right over to the otherside of the restaurant then towards the serving hatch area where staff are collecting hot food, and finally towards the kitchen doors which suddenly prompted the father to go and retrieve him. They sat him down and kept trying to pacify him with lots of 'no don't do that Charlie' (not his real name), 'would you like to play on Mummy's phone Charlie?'. He then kept trying to climb over the booth, and was at one point standing on the seats. At no point did either parent do much to get him under control other than utter a half arsed 'dont do that Charlie'. A walk outside usually works IME.

Eventually he climbed down and went to sleep on the floor next to their table cuddling a soft toy, meaning staff and customers had to either step over him or walk around him. Both parents sat there and just gazed at him adoringly before paying the bill, scooping him up in their arms and leaving.

I'd like to stress I know this wasnt the little boy's fault. He wasnt any older than about two, was clearly bored and just wanted to go off and explore like toddlers do. Im just a bit shocked that either parent thought this was acceptable parenting?

AIBU to think that some parents are incrediably entitled and expect everyone else to tolerate their kids?

I would be classed as terrible parent because my toddler would do this. Walk outside would probably be ok but unless he fell asleep he would be back to running around. Putting him in high chair with straps would make him struggle, cry and make irritating noise. Plus, it kinda defeats the point of going out and having a meal and conversation etc (if the other adult is always outside walking with the kid). This is why we avoid going out - unless we r seeing relatives. Often one of us will just end up walking outside while the other gets to talk etc. In general my 2 year old does not have enough concentration span to colour etc, and sit still. It probably could be trained, but probably too much effort - my 5yr old grew out of it when concentration span improved.

Oh stop pretending you are ANY kind of parent if you think your child running around and disturbing other people in a restaurant is acceptable!
Many parents manage the situation very well,...you can't and so you pretend it's some fucking type of parenting style?!!
Bring your children up any way you like but don't inflict the resultant behaviour on other people.
Your child isn't the centre of anyone's world but yours.
Toddlers DO need to run about, some more than others so if yours is a ball of energy don't inflict a restaurant environment on your child until they are past that stage. YOU are the problem, not your child, not other people....it's you!

So if its OK for a toddler to stand on a table as it's your table and it doesn't impact anyone else (except, obviously the scores of people who use it after you) then presumably when I go out to lunch later I should expect to be able to perch my puppy on the table.

She's only small and very quiet. And it shouldn't make any difference to anybody else.

But this thing about a community raising a child is great but please don’t expect the community to do to it with a huge amount of affection for your child. They won’t gentle parent your child, they’re likely to tell them off and complain to you. Many parents don’t like this.

^ this

I see so many parents say "that man/lady/waiter over there just told my child off"

And so many of them who think I'm odd for replying "what did they do then?"

It's like it doesn't matter what they do NOONE should talk to them or guide them.

Children may not see or even understand the effect their actions have on others. They may not mean to have an effect on others. It doesn't mean we shouldn't teach them that their wants come other another's needs.

You don't raise respectful children who think if others by waiting for them to decide to follow rules for themselves. You raise indicate children who often suffer with low self esteem because at some point people expect them to comply and they end up in trouble frequently and don't know how to deal with that or how to comply.

@Limensoda - brilliant post. I was cracking up at the bit about “pretending it’s a parenting style!” 😂😂😂. So true. This sort of “ non parenting” will only produce unsocialised, entitled, whinging adults who think they should be allowed to do whatever they want. They will then end up bitter and angry when they see that absolutely no one finds them “ adorable “ or “ cute” like mummy does.

I never forget being in a hairdressers. I had been looking forward to the appointment ( chance to relax) when in comes a “gentle parent” with a giant back back sling and out jumps a five/ six year old at least. Child starts running around the shop as mum waits at reception. Child is spinning chairs and picking up bottles. He then spies the bell 🛎 on the counter “ what’s that mummy ?” He shrieks . “ that is a bell darling. Do you want to use exploring hands and listening ears to find out what noise it makes?” I kid you not. She then allowed the child to ding the bell repeatedly asking him what he thought about the noise. It’s so selfish. The owner came out and sent them both away with a flea in their ear when she discovered the woman was just after a free haircut for her gorgeous son. Whilst she was in the self absorbed bubble of educating her son she was doing it at the expense of other people. Not on at all.

Do you want to use exploring hands and listening ears to find out what noise it makes?

FFS. 😂😂😂😂

I know @BenWills I felt like saying “ I’d like to use my exploring fist to find out what happens when it connects with your face!” ( lighthearted!!)

@Namenic You wouldn't be classed as a terrible parent, because you've done exactly what good parents do - ascertain whether or not your toddler is ready for the demands of being in a restaurant, and if not, don't do it (yet). What PPs are talking about is the "my active toddler has just as much right to be in the restaurant as your quiet well-behaved ones". That's not you.

Do you want to use exploring hands and listening ears to find out what noise it makes?”

41Pamplemousecat I think when parents say things like that in public, it's for everyone else to hear and they think it impresses?!
Children are smart, they soon learn what they can and can't get away with but I think they feel safer with knowing what boundaries they have. A young child can't make important decisions, that's why parents have to make them. You don't give them a choice for every bloody thing. If you do, you are not parenting.

Ha, ha, ha!...

Exploring hands and listening ears

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Bloody hell! I hate these kinds of threads! So what if it's a bit of crap parenting - apart from letting him run off it sounds absolutely fine! Sleeping on the floor is not ideal, but waking up a conked out toddler would probably have been worse. Am I the only one who now wonders if everyone else is secretly judging me when I am out and about with my kid? He isn't walking yet, but he's very chatty and likes to make a lot of noise when playing, as well as grinning and waving at random people. I will not stop him doing this and don't give a shit if it upsets others. People are so unpleasant and judgemental on here!

He isn't walking yet, but he's very chatty and likes to make a lot of noise when playing, as well as grinning and waving at random people. I will not stop him doing this and don't give a shit if it upsets others

I don't think anyone is complaining about that!
When he gets to the running around age and you let him run around in a restaurant, fall asleep on the floor where people need to walk, be a thrilling hazard, and possibly cause an accident,...THEN you will be judged.
It's not difficult,...just recognise when he's being cute and when he's being a bloody hazard to others.

Tripping.....not thrilling!

It's absolutely fine to judge OP - I also can't understand what I call 'lazy' parenting.

If you can't control your children in public stay indoors until you can it's not rocket science. Stop making excuses and get a grip .

@Liveinahidingplace

Control your child or leave the restaurant. My mother wouldn't have dreamed of allowing us to act like that in public

Spot on. Couldn't agree more... but these are usually the kids who go on to misbehave and cause disruption in school.

They are the products of poor parenting and don't know any better.

I think the rule of thumb is to try to keep perspective when it comes to our own kids. Teach them how to behave in a way that doesn’t affect other members of the public in a negative way ( eg no yelling, shrieking, running around in restaurants) if they are too young and persist then you and the other adult take it in turns to amuse them but you don’t allow them to run riot just so you can enjoy your meal to the detriment of others.

Also any kind of actions/ noise over a sustained period are highly likely to annoy others eg clapping, shrieking, screaming and parents shouldn’t encourage that thinking it’s cute because I promise you literally everyone is looking at your kid thinking please shut up!

Oh and please no peppa pig on iPad at full volume!! Low volume is perfectly fine.

"He isn't walking yet, but he's very chatty and likes to make a lot of noise when playing, as well as grinning and waving at random people."

Yes, everyone is judging you.

And the fact that you don't give a shit just shows exactly the type of person who lets their kids act like this.

No doubt you'll get a strop on when someone has to parent your child for you and tells them to stfu.

Spot on. Couldn't agree more... but these are usually the kids who go on to misbehave and cause disruption in school.

They are the products of poor parenting and don't know any better.

I agree 100%.

Spot on. Couldn't agree more... but these are usually the kids who go on to misbehave and cause disruption in school.

They are the products of poor parenting and don't know any better.

So true.

And then mummy or daddy goes into school to tell teacher that their little darling was on,y expressing themselves or is spirited.

So the child grows up believing anyone and everyone who doesn't throw roses at their feet is in the wrong.

Wonder if OP would like to explain why he’s on a parenting website when he decides to use a phrase like ‘breeders’ to describe parents

I hope thats a typo, as I am most certainly not a 'he'. Why on earth would you assume I'm male? Also, the 'breeder' comment was just a joke, Matthew Wright used to use it on his show all the time. It alludes to parents who think they and their children are the centre of the Universe and that they should be entitled to special treatment.

MrsNotNice
Your toddler, like the rest of us, walks on pavements covered with dust that contains dogshit, animal and human urine and vomit, and ample birdshit.
The thought that there are selfish, fuckwits like you letting children stand on tables that will get a quick wipe with a damp j-cloth that is then used on other tables upon which napkins and cultures are laid makes me shudder.
Your poor child is going to suffer for your vanity when negotiating his desires and impulses amongst other small children in a structured environment. Or are you planning to home-school in an attempt to defer the dread day when his world does not revolve solely around him? You are also encouraging unsafe behaviour.
Are you perhaps called Cressida? With a husband named Malcolm?
Do you consider yourselves very much Modern Parents?
I sincerely hope there’s an Uncle Eddie waiting in the wings.

@NCBabyBoy If you don't give a shit about other people whilst in public, you really can't complain about being judged. Lying on the floor and standing on tables are not absolutely fine - they are inappropriate for a restaurant. I can't comment on your child but the fact that you're not prepared to assess whether his noise level is appropriate doesn't give me much hope.

And then mummy or daddy goes into school to tell teacher that their little darling was on,y expressing themselves or is spirited.

Absolutely. I had a parent tell me a few years ago at a parents evening, that they felt it was unfair that their daughter was expected to adhere to our behaviour policy as it meant she wasn't able to express herself as she saw fit. The child was eventually permanently excluded a couple of years later for, among many other incidents, 'expressing herself' by grabbing another girls arm and slamming a door on it, breaking the girls arm.