Children should be locked up and never heard

[LittleBlueBag]

I'm a single mother and today went to a large out of town store with my toddler twins who are almost 3. Too old for the pram and eager to explore.
I was paying for an item at the till and one of the twins was looking at a mug. He touched it but it remained on the hook. The other twin was happy playing with a car from the store.
They were being loud but were excited. A staff member who must of just finished her shift and was behind me waiting to pay for an item told me the children were very naughty and we should not be allowed out in public if I can't control them. She said they're behaviour is awful and just made me feel really shitty about myself.
They are a handful and can be naughty but just normal toddler behaviour.
I must of turned my back on them for a split second. It's impossible to carry them both.
So wise mumnetters? Are my children really that bad?
I did complain to the manager but I was so ashamed.

@FrauHaribo yup a tinkly laugh and head tilt would have pole axed the sales asst into silence

MrsNotNice

when the OP starts a thread saying that kids misbehaving and being loud is normal behaviour, then the poster had a very valid point and was merely replying to the question.

Don't ask Are my children really that bad? if you don't want people to reply that well... the way you put it....

the children have SEN.

SN.

SN = special needs, also referred to as additional needs, and means a child has a disability.

SEN = Special Education Needs, means the child has educational needs and requires support in order to meet learning objectives.

While there is often an overlap between the two groups, they are not the same thing.

A child can have SN and absolutely no SEN, on the flipside a child can have SEN and absolutely no SN.

Sorry to be pedantic about it and it isn't a personal dig at you but I really wanted to clear that up as it's a common misconception that is actually rather offensive.

all these other beautiful cultures where the sprogs run free are usually ones in which it's entirely acceptable for others including strangers to tell off your kids for misbehaving and even move them along.

I actually don’t think if someone told my child “don’t touch this” or even told them off without being brutal or even told me “please put him in his pram” or “we don’t want children roaming in our store” but that’s not what happened here is it!?

The mother probably made a mistake but she didn’t deserve this response from the shop worker. At least her shift was over and
The mother still has a day of chasing her toddlers so it’s the mother that needs someone to cut her some bloody slack

@Leighhalfpennysthigh

Unbelievable how you're being spoken too. Sad to see.

Before I had kids, I would get pissed off with parents that couldn't be arsed to parent their child's (mis) behaviour.

Now I have kids, I get pissed off with parents that can't be arsed to parent their child's (mis) behaviour.

And I also get mightily pissed off with the insinuation that you must have less of an understanding because you don't have children. You by no means become more understanding or tolerant of ignorant parents with excuses, whether you personally have zero kids or five.

@Courtney555 thank you. I was certainly at that last post!

I gave up reading after the first few replies. I think people are being really harsh.

Your kids sound like they were being kids. It's normal for them to want to explore and touch stuff. Obviously your job to make sure they don't.

It can be hard enough sorting one child out while paying for something. Let go of their hand to get your wallet/purse out and they're off. No matter how much you've tried to teach them not to. No child does what they should all of the time. People will always judge you for those times they don't do as you need them to.

My dd is absolutely full of energy, all day long, no matter what we do in a day. And she is naturally loud. We're constantly telling her to calm down and talk normally. But that is her normal. And although I don't want her annoying people all the time, I also don't think it's fair to her to be told that all the time and not be herself either.

The only thing I can see wrong with what you did is letting your child play with a toy in the shop, if you weren't buying it. Your posts don't say either way. If you were buying it, not wrong.

As you were using reins, you should have hold of these for the times you need to look away.

Well done to you though. Managing one as a team can be challenging at times, hats off to you to having to manage 2 all of the time. I'm sure you're doing a great job. Try not to let the cranky ones get to you.

FrauHaribo

Well it is absolutely normal toddler behaviour unless they live under terrifying dictatorship. Not sure what planet you live on.

What you actually mean is, it’s normal toddler behaviour but the mother should control it better under this circumstance due to the fragile things in the shop.

It’s also normal for an overly tired mother to not always get it right.

leigh

Your comments to the OP were much more intentionally undermining and unkind. So I’m sorry but I had to do what’s necessary.

The shop assistant was completely right. It's one thing if you're doing all you can and something happens out of your control, but you seem to think it's fine for your children to play with the shop's stock, including breakables. It's not fine.

Your comments to the OP were much more intentionally undermining and unkind. So I’m sorry but I had to do what’s necessary.

No, you really didn't. Your post was ridiculous and you should apologise.

Your comments to the OP were much more intentionally undermining and unkind. So I’m sorry but I had to do what’s necessary

Oh you are the gift that keeps giving.

I think she was at fault personally - I would be very shocked if a member of staff said that to me (less so another customer) because it's terrible customer service! However you could perhaps take a lesson from it that they probably do need more supervision whilst out.

And I also get mightily pissed off with the insinuation that you must have less of an understanding because you don't have children.

No you absolutely can’t judge someone before you walk in their shoes.

I have kids but don’t have twins or am single or any SEN and I feel I absolutely can’t judge her. But I can appreciate that it can be very hard to always do the right thing and that it’s bloody hurtful to be told “you don’t know how to parent” for a mistake that any of us can make.

Sweeping generalising statement from someone who has only seen a small snapshot.

I apologize about how I’m coming across but I believe I have displayed the same amount of empathy as pp, which I believe is fair.

I apologize about how I’m coming across but I believe I have displayed the same amount of empathy as pp, which I believe is fair

Not towards me, and others like me. But hey, we don't count do we.

'She had no right to an opinion and it's a shame that there was no one around to tell her straight'

Of course she had a fucking right to an opinion

Just like have an opinion about you.

Leighhalfpennysthigh

What I meant to say is, I displayed the same amount of empathy to you, as you have displayed to OP and people like the OP. Which I believe is fair.

It's reins, not reigns. Reigns are what monarchs do.

@MrsNotNice bollocks. I was just saying what a lot of people on this thread have said. The only difference is I haven't successfully reproduced. That doesn't mean I don't have empathy towards parents. It does mean that yes, it sounds like toner children were not behaving and yes, I expressed that view.

Loud, misbehaving children are annoying, but not half as annoying as a parent who thinks that their behaviour is normal and acceptable.

Oh I don't actually want or need your empathy - just labouring a point of principle. Like you are.

They were being loud but were excited

Which is fine if they’re at the park, on a play date, at soft play, at the beach etc not appropriate for a shop though and I thought every child was taught from birth that you look but don’t touch in shops. It sounds like you’re making excuses for them.

LOL. and I thought every child was taught from birth that you look but don’t touch in shops.
Err,no. I didn’t drill that joyless dictat into my children from birth?thankfully
Some shops allow touching,and don’t taser the children if they touch something

She sounds pretty unpleasant and pretty unhelpful.

I thought every child was taught from birth that you look but don’t touch in shops

You taught an infant this? Amazing! Please do tell me how, since that’s the level of communication skills my son has.

I do keep asking how people did this but nobody wants to share. Do tell!

I also wonder how many people have pushed a double buggy round a shop, especially one containing distressed twins who don’t want to be in a buggy. The only and only time I took my double buggy into M&S, DT2 managed to swipe a pack of leaopard print size 8 ladies pants while passing (and by passing, I mean while cramming the buggy down the aisle). Fortunately I noticed before I left the shop (forward facing, hard to spot). Would have been hard to explain.

Have I really just read that it's fine for toddlers (two year olds people!!!!) to be excited at the beach or a park but is inappropriate for a shop?!

Fuck but how the hell do some of you live, have relationships, do everyday things, without actually imploding?

Jesus Christ. There’s obviously a balance between children doing whatever they like and children living a complete totalitarian existence. It’s frankly unintelligent to suggest it has to be one extreme or the other. There’s an in-between spot with other options, which shock horror may require decent parenting to achieve

They don’t need “joyless dictat” but at the same time, they shouldn’t just run amok/be extremely loud for extended periods of time/in appropriate places with the expectation of others to just put up with it. You say it’s fine for kids to mess around with whatever they like in a store, where do you draw the line? Is it okay for kids to mess with a stranger’s belongings then? Where’s the boundary?