PurpleDaisies
Thanks for your advice. I’m not feeling great laying into someone like that, which is why you shouldn’t also turn a blind eye to people laying into the OP like that. She is equally worthy of some empathy and kindness.
I did NOT single her out for infertility issues. I singled her out because I recognise her surname from a recent exchange on a thread where she complained that once people become parents they become sneery and into their own club and display no empathy to their friendships that don’t involve children.
She managed to get me to reflect on my ways as I did alienate few friends and I had explained the reason, that they were very judgemental of my parenting based on theory and not very empathetic about my struggles.. I managed to remember from this thread that I need to not judge my childfree friends and realise they might be going into their own struggles which I don’t recognise.
And this happened to be a live example for me to point that out.. that there is double standards.
I don’t usually like singling people out, but I do think it’s fair, in this circumstance. When a struggling OP was being laid into and Pp took her chance. Unfortunately for her I recognised her because I’m still reflecting on her advice...
And no, I don’t think it’s ok to ever be judgemental. Even if you are a parent. Each child is different and each parent is different. It’s never ok to not have empathy and be unkind. The OP has been receiving unkind put downs. Everyone who did that is unkind. And if I recognise any of those mothers complaining about their struggles with motherhood in other threads, I would probably also think it’s fair to confront them about their double standards. Frankly.
I had infertility issues for years. I’m just not a judgemental person though. I knew that having no kids of my own makes me no expert.. even though I was teaching children of nursery age and above.. but that experience was not the same as being a tired parent who needs support.
So frankly, to all the appologists.. no, you absolutely do learn on the job when you are a parent. And you absolutely can’t judge a parent... even if you are a parent.. but more so if you aren’t.
What you can judge though is that you are annoyed by the noise and find it intimidating and want the parent to control that. But don’t go acting like a parent deserves unkindness just because you don’t agree with her style or because she was too tired to do the right thing.
I absolutely wouldn’t let my child play with fragile things in a shop. Consciously. But I have been tired before and been less than perfect. Happens. If someone comes telling me I shouldn’t be allowed in public I would tel them to frankly piss off.