Children should be locked up and never heard

[LittleBlueBag]

I'm a single mother and today went to a large out of town store with my toddler twins who are almost 3. Too old for the pram and eager to explore.
I was paying for an item at the till and one of the twins was looking at a mug. He touched it but it remained on the hook. The other twin was happy playing with a car from the store.
They were being loud but were excited. A staff member who must of just finished her shift and was behind me waiting to pay for an item told me the children were very naughty and we should not be allowed out in public if I can't control them. She said they're behaviour is awful and just made me feel really shitty about myself.
They are a handful and can be naughty but just normal toddler behaviour.
I must of turned my back on them for a split second. It's impossible to carry them both.
So wise mumnetters? Are my children really that bad?
I did complain to the manager but I was so ashamed.

In all honesty I'd have told her to go fuck herself

Society also doesn’t revolve around authoritarian joyless adults who think children must not make any noise. Or be audible or tactile

Right? If somebody can't handle the noise of a toddler, or a small child playing with a toy car or touching a mug, then more likely they are the ones that need to think twice about leaving the house!

Throw in a did you mean to be so rude,that’d be a killer line

And I’m sorry to say this but I remember you from a thread saying you don’t have kids of your own, so I don’t think it’s fair to judge someone’s parenting like that

how bloody rude MrsNotNice

Well you will be happy to know that I have 4 of my own, and I do judge. I probably judge in a harsher way because I know that parenting takes work but some people just can't be bothered.

Funny how the best parents are always the ones who don’t have children.

Oh yes. And the biggest experts on children with additional needs are always the ones who have absolutely no experience of having children with additional needs but they did watch an episode of The A-Word once so, you know, same thing.

I was a great parent before I had kids .

I really cannot believe that it is ok to lay into a clearly upset mum of toddler twins with additional needs on a site called MUMSNET of all things .

@SinkGirl I never said I would be a good parent. I a, speaking as a member of society. Believe it our not, society is made up of a whole range of people. Some of them, quite rightly, do not want to be around badly behaved children.

I honestly don't give a fuck how people bring up their kids. As long as it doesn't affect me, then they can crack on.

Throw in a did you mean to be so rude,that’d be a killer line

and when they answer "yes" what do you do?

I’m afraid you will never win. I was told ‘isn’t he bit too old to be in a pushchair’ the other day... my son is 2 nearly 3 🙄 but then people moan when they run riot ? Just forget them. People are asssssholes

Hi OP

I'm sorry this happened.

Sometimes toddlers mis-behave. Sometimes twin toddlers mis-behave at the same time. It is physically impossible to pick them both up and continue your shopping. You can't always confine them to a buggy, at some point you have to make the transition to walking.

Being a multiple parent is hard, and being a single multiple parent must be near impossible sometimes. I have had the same 'if you can't control them you shouldn't be out' comment back when I had two 18 month olds and it hurts. It is hard enough getting out with twins without being made to feel like you're an unfit parent.

The member of staff who spoke to you clearly does not have multiples. Or any compassion.

Don't let this stop you from going out!

Part of External and communal areas is the noise,vibe and stimuli
So yes one should expect,and be tolerant to children and noise
Frankly I don’t believe the well I just tell my children NO! crew you’re all making up the notion that your children only squeak meek greetings and are demure

Well you will be happy to know that I have 4 of my own, and I do judge. I probably judge in a harsher way because I know that parenting takes work but some people just can't be bothered.

This is so bloody ignorant I can’t even stand it. You have no idea how difficult it is to parent twins with developmental issues. Can’t be bothered?! My entire bloody life revolves around trying to coax out progress that every parent of NT children take for granted. I’ve spent the 18 months trying to teach my boys to point, clap, play with a toy, use a spoon, say a word, any word at all, respond to their name. And that’s alongside caring for twin three year olds that can’t do a single thing for themselves while all my friends 3 year olds are potty trained, feeding themselves, sleeping in normal beds, asking for what they want, etc.

Can’t be bothered? Seriously FRO.

@FrauHaribo that’s my point about did you mean to be so rude,it’s lame and simply would be deflated by yes

Leighhalfpennysthigh

Leigh i understand its extremely hard to empathize with a mother seeing how the whole topic of becoming a mother might’ve been hurtful for you.

Sorry to single you out like that but on the other thread I didn’t see this side of you and you were hurt by losing many mum friends and how little empathy they had with you and your life and struggles.

I think your mum friends probably feel you’re lacking in empathy too.

You are a member of society and so are kids. Don’t project on them and their mothers. You sound lovely otherwise but this is not a way to cope with your own issues. It alienates you.

Other parents might be critiquing the approach, maybe saying she needs to do specific things better.. we can criticise people’s behaviour so they work on it. But yours is quite personal only designed to put someone down and make yourself feel better.

You are anonymous otherwise I wouldn’t single you out like this, sorry. But since you were struggling with friendships I’m here to point out that this is exactly why I think you lost your mum friends and not because they’re smug and up their arse. Your attitude towards their children probably showed them that you aren’t enjoying yourself, and are reflecting on your own issues instead. Which is probably why they didn’t feel it kind to stick with the friendship.

Why would they?!

They are a handful and can be naughty but just normal toddler behaviour.
Being naughty is indeed normal toddler behaviour, doing nothing about it because it's normal is not normal parent behaviour.

Toddlers have so much to learn about customs and behaviours. How will they learn if their main parents don't teach them?

Well you will be happy to know that I have 4 of my own, and I do judge

I also have four of my own including two with SN, and absolutely do not judge because frankly we are all just doing the best we can and I'm not the sort of arsehole who relishes in verbally kicking people who dont deserve it.

Society also doesn’t revolve around authoritarian joyless adults who think children must not make any noise. Or be audible or tactile

Oh, please, it's a shop selling breakables like mugs, not a playground. I've had several children, including one with ASD, OCD and ADHD, I know how they work as toddlers and how hard it is and how much of a PITA it can be. Well, that's my lookout as a parent. As for 'British society' is horrible towards kids, IME, all these other beautiful cultures where the sprogs run free are usually ones in which it's entirely acceptable for others including strangers to tell off your kids for misbehaving and even move them along.

One person pulling up the OP isn't the same as 'all children should be locked up and never heard'. Melodramatic.

I think we can all sympathise with the fact that having twins with developmental difficulties is very difficult - and having some random stranger criticise you in public is unpleasant and unnecessary. But I agree with PP that just under three is not too young to be in a pram, especially if the children have SEN. Goodness only knows how the OP manages to carry the shopping as well as holding two toddler reigns OP hasn’t made things easier for herself and if the children can’t be expected to not touch things that they shouldn’t then putting them in a pram is a reasonable measure to take - we can all be patient and understanding of OPs circumstances but that doesn’t mean the shop should have to put up with their unpurchased merchandise being potentially damaged.

Op I have twins and at age 2-3 it's like people delighted in watching me fail. I think 2 toddlers emphasise a little misbehaving and people commenting really doesn't help when you're just trying to survive the day.

Mine used to go for full on public tantrums and dtd 1 would bite dtd2. They are 8 now and I get lots of compliments about their politeness now. It does get easier although new challenges emerge. At about 2.5 I began online shopping!

Yes, all children should be locked up and never heard. Until they're old enough to make sufficient money to keep their parent/s in comfort.

Agitetur

apologies, I was wrong, actually the only answer would be
a tinkly laugh and a head tilt.
That will show them

Oh please nothing,all the well I don’t let mine tuts and reproaches are joyless and fierce
Nothing got broken,no one got hurt,the kids touched the merchandise
So what. it’s a scene re-enacted in numerous stores usually without acerbic comment

Buggy and wrist straps
I had 2 a year apart one didn’t walk till 19 months and always took the buggy and if one wanted out to walk ( when they both walked) I held a hand or used the wrist strap
It’s easier to teach one kid to not touch at a time so I’d swap them out, we didn’t do shops loads though as double buggies and shops are a pain. It’s hard work and I’m sure twins is too.

Just remember they are little and learning and you do need eyes in the back of your head, you can’t turn your back ever, be positive and praise good behaviour, stay calm and let them run and shout and let off steam at the park/soft play etc what we can tolerate noise wise others aren’t used to, so normal to you is intolerable to some people. Your twins sound adorable though, enjoy them & try not to take to heart nasty or unhelpful comments but do take advice and support where you can get it

FrauHaribo

Meh I don’t feel it’s ruder than coming on a thread of a struggling mother telling her she doesn’t know how to parent. I hope my comment shows the mother that she is being put down for someone else’s issues not hers. She didn’t ask for the put down and so I chose to be kind to her instead.

You having 4 kids and judging, makes you sound like some “perfect” wannabe parent if I’m honest. I’m pretty sure you are far from it.

Leigh i understand its extremely hard to empathize with a mother seeing how the whole topic of becoming a mother might’ve been hurtful for you

WTAF? Stop with your patronising bollocks. I don't need your sympathy. I'm very capable of empathy where it is required and I still get pissed off seeing badly behaved children in public. I would even if I'd had kids. If you think I'm a cunt, then fine, call me a cunt. But don't come to me with your faux sympathy bollocks. I don't need it.