Children should be locked up and never heard

[LittleBlueBag]

I'm a single mother and today went to a large out of town store with my toddler twins who are almost 3. Too old for the pram and eager to explore.
I was paying for an item at the till and one of the twins was looking at a mug. He touched it but it remained on the hook. The other twin was happy playing with a car from the store.
They were being loud but were excited. A staff member who must of just finished her shift and was behind me waiting to pay for an item told me the children were very naughty and we should not be allowed out in public if I can't control them. She said they're behaviour is awful and just made me feel really shitty about myself.
They are a handful and can be naughty but just normal toddler behaviour.
I must of turned my back on them for a split second. It's impossible to carry them both.
So wise mumnetters? Are my children really that bad?
I did complain to the manager but I was so ashamed.

Children should be locked up and never heard

Completely agree. (Haven’t RTFT).

Why can't people 'notice' behaviour without feeling the need to comment though?

Trust me. For every one that comments, particularly at the described degree of annoyance, many have noticed and are thinking exactly the same. Lots of people find it unacceptable. And hardly any will say anything. The behaviour is the underlying issue.

In the supermarket the other day, this kid was yelling a song. Properly yelling as in I never found myself on the same aisle but heard it the whole way round. "La Laaaaaaa pretty Mummy, La Laaaaaaa pretty Mummy" for the whole 25 minutes I was in there. It was crazing me, you literally couldn't think properly. I watched other shoppers looking around crossly for the source of the noise. I heard the mother coo twice "ooooooh pretty pretty Layla" in adoration. After 25 minutes of this continually, a man (in aisle unknown ) shouted "Will you shut that child up!!!!!" And a woman on my aisle shouted "thank you sire" to much chuckling then heard around the supermarket. I saw about ten minutes later, a woman with a face like thunder stomping out with a kid in a trolley, I presume it was her.

So... Was the man wrong for shouting out what the rest of us were thinking? Or is it, poor "pretty Mummy" having no respect for everyone else in the supermarket not addressing her child behaving in an in appropriate way, having to be subjected to that "nasty man" ask her to make her kid stop yelling?

I wonder if she'd then be on MN, "my three year old daughter was singing a beautiful song about her Mummy being pretty in the supermarket, and this cantankerous old git yelled at us"

Hugs OP, your children sound like typical three year olds. Maybe they were annoying but it was for max 3-4minutes so I’m sure the rest of the shop will move on.
No parent is ever perfect and single parenting sounds incredibly tough to me. So I would turn off this thread, have a nice cuppa and forget about it.

I don't think our society is particularly child friendly. Your children's behaviour sounds totally age appropriate and I don't think she should have said anything to you.

They are 3 ffs.
As the post said they were excited.

Job done

Congratulations. That women and the spiteful women here have convinced a single mum with developmentally delayed twin toddlers to stay indoors at all times. I can tell you how that plays out and it’s not good.

Hope you’re all proud of yourselves. Job done? What a nasty piece of work you are.

Your children's behaviour sounds totally age appropriate

I agree. So it's either OP massively playing down her children's behaviour (as several PP mentioned) or massively exaggerating the woman's response. Because you don't get told "you shouldn't be allowed in public" because a three year old put a finger on a mug and the other played with a car.

OP is adamant she is not exaggerating the woman's response. So, there's more to the children's behaviour than being relayed. Now, whether that's down to genuine unawareness, we don't know. But you don't get responses that strong over nothing, like a child placing a finger on a mug.

Courtney555, just ignore the noise . A child singing is hardly the end of the world. Society is so unsupportive to parents and especially mums .

Totally agree Sink. Where is people’s compassion?

OP is adamant she is not exaggerating the woman's response. So, there's more to the children's behaviour than being relayed.

Why, because people react to toddlers being toddlers in a totally rational and proportional way?

I think this thread proves otherwise

OP is adamant she is not exaggerating the woman's response. So, there's more to the children's behaviour than being relayed

Feels like a combination of the both to elicit maximum sympathy people she thought would immediately be on her team - cos "Mums".

Congratulations. That women and the spiteful women here have convinced a single mum with developmentally delayed twin toddlers to stay indoors at all times.

Please. OP was so offended by being told to watch her children better that rather than do that, she complained to the shop. She then came on here to tell everyone about it, and doesn't like that she's been told, yeah, the assistant sounds snappy, but actually, you not managing the situation caused it.

She titles her thread that this must mean her kids should be "locked up". Yes that's the only alternative. Let them do whatever it may be in shops/restaurants/general indoor public areas, or imprisonment

And now in an equally childish response, "oh well clearly I can never go to the shops again" because she didn't like what she was hearing that's right, the only way to deal with people asking her to acknowledge/address their behaviour is to flounce indoors and sulk.

It seems any huge over reaction or extreme defense is all that's available. I mean, you could try just supervising them better than you thought you had too, or say fair play, I usually do but I ballsed that up a bit today and got a stroppy woman point it out. But that's far too simple. Let's be housebound and blame that on everyone else too.

OP is adamant she is not exaggerating the woman's response. So, there's more to the children's behaviour than being relayed

Feels like a combination of the both to elicit maximum sympathy people she thought would immediately be on her team - cos "Mums".

@blockedanddeleted spot on

I am immediately on her team. Because “Mums”. We need to stick together and look out for each other. Society sure as hell doesn’t.

Be on a "mum team" because someone genuinely needs your support. Not blindly go along with anything because the other person happens to have procreated too and think that's being "team mum" in any way.

If a mum is struggling with genuine issues, find out why, talk about that, sure. Flouncing in a shop to the management because she's so incredulous that people wanted her loud children (that she wasn't watching) to be addressed, then flouncing on here because she tried to tell it in a way to maximum sympathy and people saw through that and gave her a dose of reality, is not a struggle by anyone's standards.

I think there has to be a happy medium here. There has to be accountability on both sides. The retail worker could have been more polite but I also understand the frustration. There's nothing worse than working in an environment and seemly two uncontrollable kids are away from their parents causing chaos and grabbing everything. A lot of people are very quick to berate the shop assistant because she made a comment, but maybe it was an off day for her, too. Maybe she'd just had bad news, etc. If we're giving people the benefit of the doubt then it must work both ways.

I think very few people genuinely don't want OP to go to the shops again. OP probably just needs to tweak her set up for going out so she can be more in control. Less so for other people's annoyances, but more so for safety. It only takes a split second for a child to go missing or hurt themselves.

I'd probably use a buggy and try and keep shop trips quick and breezy. Most kids, SN or NT find shopping the most utterly boring thing, so I'd keep trips short for that reason. I can't be arsed with the chaos and no one else can. Maybe I'd pop in after a trip to the park so they'd be tired out and a bit more mellow- hopefully they'd doze off while I'm going around!

It works both ways. Kids can't disappear off because it's unsafe and parents can't stay holed up indoors.

This whole "team mum" and we should support each other because Mums makes we want to vomit. What a pile of tripe.

"A dose of reality". Sorry, selectively quoting you again. I think you could do with a dose of reality courtney, maybe if you spent a couple of days walking in the OPs shoes you'd develop a bit of empathy. The lassie has a hard time, twins is hard, being a single parent of twins is bloody hard. Someone made an unkind comment at her in a shop. She came on here looking for backup, anyone with an ounce of understanding of other people could see that, and if you didn't want to give that to her you could have done as the woman in the shop should have and just kept your opinions to yourself. Do you think your "dose of reality" will help the OP in the slightest to be a good parent? Do you think that what single mothers of twins need more of in their life is to be made aware of where their parenting standards fail to meet the just-pulled-this-out-my-arse standards of someone in the back of the queue who probably gave her comment about a second's thought before she came out with it, or is it possible that maybe there are about a million other things you could do that would help her more including a bit of emotional support? This is such bullshit. And you and I and she all know that far from "flouncing", the lassie is going to have to go back out with her kids only this time with your kind words rattling round her head.

Why are people being utter arseholes on this thread?

I have a 2 year old and having one is hard enough so I can’t imagine what it’s like having 2.

Anyway, time for me to do a flounce as well. This shit's not good for my mental health. So many awful people, sometimes all you can do is make sure you can't hear them.

They always are Okay 🙁. I have reported so many threads to HQ and nothing changes. I’ve stopped reporting most things now. Despite this meant to be ‘by parents for parents’. I’m seriously starting to think maybe NetMums is kinder but the tickers

I do take on board what people say but for the shop worker to tell me we shouldn't be allowed out in public, there's really no need for that.
I'm sure I'm not underplaying how they can be. I've said they can be loud and a handful. I don't make excuses for them but they are very delayed. They don't behave like your typical toddler.
They have little understanding and can say less than ten words and never two words together. The words they do say aren't pronounced as they should be but I've learnt to understand their minimal speech.

Tbh I stopped going to shops when my eldest was 2 as even.in a buggy she was bored and causing commotion. Using reins shed be running or tantruming. Online shopping all the way. It's bloody hard work taking toddlers into shops and the miserable generally middle aged people giving you looks completes the shitty experience. Our society is becoming more intolerant

Someone made an unkind comment at her in a shop.

No one said otherwise. OP's problem is wanting to pretend it was unfounded.

She came on here looking for backup

Exactly right. Not for genuine interest if she wbu, she just wanted to hear that she had been terribly wronged, as she's already so offended at being told to address her children she complained to the shop. So yes, she came with a story playing down her children, exaggerating the woman's response, looking for back up. And quote rightly, she didn't get it. And rather than take the view or virtually everyone on board, she takes the view that she is never going shopping again. So childish.

For nothing other than clarity, from a single mother of 11yrs to an ADHD DS, now with a DH who is not here all week, so I may as well be single 6 days out of 7, and we've got twins due. So don't assume we're all talking from the disillusioned perfect mummy with perfect child camp. I know how hard it can be. I also know when it's over sensitivity and excuses.

Country555
I've not made excuses for them though? I've said I hardly take them to shops and after yesterday's experience I won't again.
I'm not looking for people to tell me I'm an amazing mum because I'm not. (We all fuck up) I do however try my best, that's all any of us can do. I was so appalled by what the assistant said.
Surely people can't go around telling others they shouldn't be allowed out?
I will continue to take them to softplay and the park and work on teaching them social ques.
I've taken a lot on board and thank everyone for advice.

Usually when people comment it's not because the child is misbehaving, it's because they can't see the parent doing anything about it (telling the child off, clipping them back on to reins, putting them back in a buggy etc).

Also honestly? I avoid taking children that age to do any shopping involving browsing etc where they are going to be dragged around bored, too much potential to behave badly. I do most shopping online, and we use supermarket trips to learn about shopping as they can go in the trolley if they are acting up.