Children should be locked up and never heard

[LittleBlueBag]

I'm a single mother and today went to a large out of town store with my toddler twins who are almost 3. Too old for the pram and eager to explore.
I was paying for an item at the till and one of the twins was looking at a mug. He touched it but it remained on the hook. The other twin was happy playing with a car from the store.
They were being loud but were excited. A staff member who must of just finished her shift and was behind me waiting to pay for an item told me the children were very naughty and we should not be allowed out in public if I can't control them. She said they're behaviour is awful and just made me feel really shitty about myself.
They are a handful and can be naughty but just normal toddler behaviour.
I must of turned my back on them for a split second. It's impossible to carry them both.
So wise mumnetters? Are my children really that bad?
I did complain to the manager but I was so ashamed.

I have quintuplets and they’re meek,quiet,and all wear bonnets & bibs.
The pram is a modified tractor that runs on ginger beer and is carbon neutral
If I can manage it,everyone can. And I wear starchy dresses with a jaunty hat

THE CHILD TOUCHED A MUG! WHERE ARE THE PARENTS??

I very highly doubt she said this. She may of mentioned a little comment but it seems to me like you've blown it up to exaggerate the story because you weren't happy with little comment that she did make, happens very often on here. I wouldn't blame her anyway though, everybody in the shop was probably thinking the same thing.

everybody in the shop was probably thinking the same thing. No,Only the curmudgeons

I can't even remember everything she said as I was so shaken up by it.
She really did say we shouldn't be allowed out in public.
I always tell them off if they are misbehaving but again they have little understanding. I'm not prone to exaggerate.
And I do take items from them. I just didn't get the chance to tell child off. He did just touch the mug. He didn't take if from the hook.

Dont expend any more energy explaining or elaborating. It’s really no biggie
Give the kids a hug,have a cuppa tea,put it down as one of those days

I am quite strict about behaviour but I also believe in letting children explore, make a bit of noise, have fun and just be themselves (within reason of course). It genuinely didn’t occur to me that other people could have a problem with that until I was looking for something I needed in a baby shop with my toddler last week. He was bored of sitting in the pushchair so to prevent him crying I let him walk around holding my hand (he has only just started walking after a bit of a delay and therefore needs to practice whenever he can) and touching a few non-breakable things that were at his level while I browsed. The shop assistants seemed extremely anxious about this and followed us around the whole time asking if I needed help. They made it clear that they wanted us to leave. I found it baffling as I really didn’t think we were doing anything wrong. But reading the responses to the OP I realise I’m probably in the minority here!

I still don’t think YWBU though.

People on this website blow my mind sometimes. The OPs children did literally nothing wrong. If an adult goes into a shop, they will often handle items and look at them. But apparently if a child does the same thing it is a massive issue !

Other countries I have been to seem to cherish children but the UK seems to be pretty hostile to children being children (disclaimer, yes I know that some of the people responding may not be from the UK and yes I did have these same beliefs before I had children which is fairly recently).

OP, I wouldn’t lose a minutes sleep over it. I’m sure your kids are respectful of property and other people but they are toddlers. They are learning. Before long they will be fully indoctrinated to how society expects humans to behave, so don’t worry. I mean that in a nice way.

Kids will be kids. I'm surprised by the stuffy reactions here. You were in a shop. They weren't running or breaking things. A little loud? So what? Some people are so precious. Kids need to be allowed to be kids sometimes. Church? Library? Hospital? Sure they should be quiet then. But just out and about? Let them be kids.

You complained?
I'd tell you to keep them under control and not touch stuff unless your actually buying that specific item.

A shops stock isn't there to entertain your kids, it's there for sale. I don't wanna buy a new mug with sticky finger prints on it, I'd ask for discount. So the store loses out cos 1 person didn't control their kids.
Loud kids can also make customers leave, again costing the store in a tough retail environment. What you consider loud being used to them is what others would call screaming and ott I dare say.

As for the single mum thing, cop out and sympathy grab. Even when partnered you don't always have them there to help.

One of the twins was looking at a mug. He touched it but it remained on the hook. The other twin was happy playing with a car from the store..

And yet

A staff member behind me told me the children were very naughty and we should not be allowed out in public if I can't control them. She said they're behaviour is awful

That's just not consistent. No one watches a 3yr old touch a cup on a hook, then leave it, whilst another 3yr old plays with a toy car, and views this as children who shouldn't be allowed out in public.

You're not giving the full story OP. Or maybe more that you're not seeing it.

They were being loud but were excited.

This little sentence is going to be a lot more relevant than you let on. Maybe there's an element of, don't play with a stock toy if you're not buying it, but again, that doesn't prompt a "you shouldn't be allowed in public" level of response.

And seeing as you are insistent that you didn't exaggerate what she said, then for her to make a comment like that. People don't tend to comment. Maybe glares, or tuts or shakes of heads, but the Great British public are renowned for not confronting, so for her to say something so strongly like this, they were really not behaving in an acceptable way. And it's not because one placed their finger on a mug.

Did she watch one child go to take the breakable mug (so it would have been more than just a quick touch) as you weren't watching him, and initially alert you with a loud "Careful there young man?"...and then perhaps receive a "don't tell my child off" glare from you, which would have then understandably got her back up? Whilst they're both simultaneously "being loud" (yelling/shrieking/screaming/shouting).

You are really defensive OP. You asked a question and you don't like the answers which suggests you are not willing to accept that most people viewed your scenario as your children were badly behaved and you didn't parent that. The vast majority are telling you (that whilst they wouldn't have been as rude and direct as the shop assistant) that they can't stand this kind of behaviour from children when the parent is not addressing it.

you can't win because if you put them in the buggy someone will have a go at you for bringing up lazy children

Absolutely no one calls a mother lazy for having a pair of three year olds in a buggy

Yes they do @courtney555, in fact the first time it happened to me I posted about it on here: buggy shaming

Op I feel for you, I really do.

My dc are now older 5 and 7 and I work full time and I never ever take them shopping. And they probably would behave now but I don’t anyway because of how stressful it was when I was a sahm on maternity leave with them full time.

So put it out of your mind and look for forward to the days when they are in school and doing other activities independently and you can shop in peace. It won’t be long.

Ah, the Mumsnet favourite. Quote the first few words and remove the rest to take it out of context.

What you mean is Absolutely no one calls a mother lazy for having a pair of three year olds in a buggy directly with It's literally where they should be if they don't know not to touch things and are "being loud and excited" whilst the mother isn't paying attention.

No one thinks two "loud, excited" stock grabbing, three year olds that aren't being watched or addressed by their parent, should never go in their buggy for fear of looking lazy.

YANBU. I'm surprised at the negative comments you're getting.

Your kids sounds normal and you sound normal and the shop person sounds mean.

When I feel that my parenting is being judged I try to remind myself a mother's place is in the wrong - whatever you do someone is ready to gleefully stick the boot in.

Kids behave like kids - you should have them in a buggy. Kids in buggy - they're too old for a buggy. Kids on reins - tsk, they're not dogs. Buy online - you should support the high street, you don't get your kids out enough.

Also I remind myself the end game isn't perfectly behaved kids, it's happy adults. Kids need to learn to be considerate, but they also need to learn they deserve to take up space in the world. There's a balance somewhere in there that everyone has to make their own judgement calls on.

If I had a partner I would work going to the shops alone. That's why I put the single parent comment. I hardly ever take them to a shop.
And if given a chance I would of stopped him but I simply couldn't make conversation with the lady serving me, get my purse and pay and hold on to two toddlers. Not cop out.
I don't think I have been defensive in my comments. Ive said they can play up but I do tell them off. I just didn't get the chance. It was just a split second.
The mugs were at a low level at the till.
I do think that a shop worker telling a mum she shouldn't be allowed out in public is unprofessional and completely rude and disgusting.
I will not be taking them to any more shops.

But this isn't about someone commenting about personal choice that can be subjective. It's not a person randomly coming up to quip, "too old for a buggy, don't like reins, shouldn't have a dummy" that's all down to personal preference.

This is about two children's (mis) behaviour that wasn't being addressed by OP. It's not the children being "loud and excited" (again that's the OP's terms for what could have been noisy chattering, to yelling, shrieking and unruly), it's the children being "loud and excited" with the parent not supervising or addressing it, that people take umbrage with. Again it's largely about context. DS can be loud and excited in the park. He can't whilst in the supermarket, it's hugely inconsiderate to other users, and it's down to me as the parent to instill that.

Shop assistant's delivery left a lot to be desired. OP needs to understand that it wasn't acceptable behaviour though. SN is not an excuse. DS has SN. It meant that until he was about 5 he had to be watched like a hawk at play areas as he would not behave appropriately. That's simple acceptance of his individual behaviour and mannerisms and not being so defensive that I can't see that whilst it's not his fault, it's not behaviour that others would find ok.

If your kids can't behave appropriately if you turn your back for one second (just like mine) then accept it. Be accountable. Of course there will be loads of times where it happens. We're all human. But accept that when you do drop the ball, even briefly, their resulting behaviour is very likely to be noticed.

OP, please ignore the people who have not had to deal with what you’re dealing with.

Have you seen the stretchy wrist straps? A few twin mums I know have them. Also, you can buy a belt that their reins clip on to so you can go hands free when you need to. These things might help.

Are you able to access homestart? It’s so much easier doing things like this with another adult

Why can't people 'notice' behaviour without feeling the need to comment though? That didnt help the situation one iota. 555 you are incredibly preachy.

No one thinks two "loud, excited" stock grabbing, three year olds that aren't being watched or addressed by their parent, should never go in their buggy for fear of looking lazy

I've quoted your entire comment now courtney so I hope that's me doing it right. I don't care what people think. I care what people do. People give mothers of three year old twins grief for putting them in buggies. It happened to me. I posted about it on Mumsnet. If you look up my thread it should say where I was which was next to a tram stop, so every reason to want to watch out for them in the same way as if you're in a busy shop.

@littlebluebag honslestly don't worry about it. You were trying your best to get in and out of the shop without bothering anyone. The dickhead who made the comment, how hard was she trying?

Remind me as an adult not to touch things in a shop. It is clearly out of order.

And if you put mugs at a low level at a till where people have bags, kids, push chairs, etc, then you are beyond stupid, so for that reason YANBU.

I will not be taking them to any more shops.

Job done