Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How would you feel if you received this email?

544 replies

SamCam349 · 20/09/2019 00:49

Is this (below) a nice email to receive? What would you think of the sender who wrote it??

‘I will reluctantly speak to you next Tuesday to attempt to address your discriminatory actions. As I mentioned last week, I, personally, do not consider you to be that important, and I would not be entertaining this call were your manager not also be participating.’

OP posts:
Landlubber2019 · 21/09/2019 07:05

Hope you are ok samcam

You need to reflect on the conversation/backstory, learn from your mistakes and move on.

Good luck Flowers

Ballacre · 21/09/2019 07:41

OP, I hope you are OK.

The e-mail in question should have been written and then, after reflection, it should have been deleted.

We all make mistakes and, unfortunately, no matter what the context, the tone and content of this e-mail has led to serious consequences.

Now, you need to start the process of picking yourself up and looking for a new position. Perhaps temping or agency work would be a good start.

Console yourself that you probably would not want to continue working in a situation that led to you feeling as angry as you did.

If discrimination has taken place, you may want to take this further. ACAS may be able to advise about this.

I hope you soon find a situation where you will feel valued and respected and, if ever you have concerns about whether you should be so open with respect to expressing your feelings, talk about it with a sympathetic colleague or with a member of your family before you commit yourself in written communication.

Good luck.

surlycurly · 21/09/2019 07:55

We should call these competition threads because they're effectively just a list of guess about what happened. The closest guess should win a prize. OP and sorry you got fired but if the way you dealt with this thread is the way you deal with your life, you need to pull your socks up.

GreatBigNoise · 21/09/2019 08:18

OP
I sent it to work. I have been having such a shit time recently, and I broke

Ok, so apologise and explain you regret sending it and that you sent it without thinking. It's not offensive, it's just a bit rude.

GreatBigNoise · 21/09/2019 08:56

Agh sorry I had missed the post where you said you were fired.

Sorry long thread and only a few posts from OP.

.....but being rude isn't a sackable offence surely???? There is more to this obviously.

Tilltheendoftheline · 21/09/2019 09:08

but being rude isn't a sackable offence surely???? There is more to this obviously.

Likely there is. OP is unlikely to share it.

But of course you ca be sacked. What we know is OP sent this email that is unprofessional. Not only unprofessional but it was a personal attack on the person

The OP feels discriminated against. That's doesnt make it true. And given at some point she thought this was ok to send, it could be that she hasnt been discriminated against at all, but this attitude is the reason she has been treated as she has been.

Let's assume OP, was up for promotion and claimed she didnt get it because she is a woman. Is it that, or is that OP thinks that email is in anyway shape or form ok. I had to speak to someone in out company the other day who says people pick on her because she is one of few women in the department. A customer sent and email chasing an enquiry they sent in July. Her response was 'I dont know about this i was on holiday in July'.

No 'good morning', no 'I am sorry I cant help you but I will see if X in my department can' not even 'can you send it again' she didnt even address them, not even their name at the top. And yes she started with the 'you wouldnt be saying its rude'. I bloody would, because it's my job to over see communication with customers. I advised her that if she would like to raise a grievance she was welcome to as it would give my department opportunity to display that we have had these converstations with men.

So whoie op sees it as discrimination. It might just her dickish behaviour.

And even if it discrimination. The person who is discriminating now has proof that she is just trying to professionally damage them, doesnt act professional and is a bully. I bet the receiver has more evidence that the OP is targeting them for bullying, than the OP has for discrimination.

Tilltheendoftheline · 21/09/2019 09:10

Also, even its it just rude not bullying, if its bene happening a lot, pp may have already had a seris of warnings.

It would be interesting to know if anyone else has ever complained about ops demeanour.

Given she hasnt even told her husband her job was at risk because of what she did, suggest to me that its not the first time or out of character.

LaPeste · 21/09/2019 09:36

No 'good morning', no 'I am sorry I cant help you but I will see if X in my department can' not even 'can you send it again' she didnt even address them, not even their name at the top.

To be fair, I imagine the OP has edited that out.

Tilltheendoftheline · 21/09/2019 09:37

@LaPeste I wansr talking about op

I was talking about a woman at my work.

Atalune · 21/09/2019 09:41

Without the context it’s really hard to give advice.

That email was horrible and shows a real lack of judgement. However I expect the circumstances that prompted you to write it are quite severe.

LaPeste · 21/09/2019 09:42

Oh sorry, I completely missed that.

SaraNade · 21/09/2019 10:12

I would think the sender is an up their own arse pompous twit. Who clearly thinks they are important, but the receiver isn't. If I received an email like that, I would (or would like to, at any rate) reply back 'go fuck yourself and get your head out of your arse, you are not important either'. The sender of your email is obviously a self-important pompous twit who needs to be put in their place. I would certainly put you/whoever in your/their place if that email was sent to me.

pikapikachu · 21/09/2019 12:53

but being rude isn't a sackable offence surely???? There is more to this obviously.*

Saying this to a third party like a supplier is very unprofessional and being rude can be a form of bullying/abusivesness.

I obviously have no clue what happened so op could have been subject to something terrible but the email was not ok at work

RandomFactor · 21/09/2019 13:25

The email is passive-aggressive, dismissive, unprofessional and unacceptable.

The sender has gone out of their way to make it clear they find you beneath their dignity to interact with.

Unless your 'discriminatory behaviour' is a proven fact, and you've been found by your employer to have exhibited such behaviour, they have also accused you of something you may wish to challenge - a matter I would take up with their line manager and the HR Dept.

You've fucked them off big-time somehow... But that doesn't mean you have to take their shit!

IAmALazyArse · 21/09/2019 13:31

@RandomFactor erm. OP wrote that email.

Tilltheendoftheline · 21/09/2019 13:32

And OP has now lost her job. So you werent wrong. Just aimed the wrong way.

RandomFactor · 21/09/2019 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RandomFactor · 21/09/2019 13:37

@Tilltheendoftheline Can't say I'm surprised OP has lost her job...

MuchBetterNow · 21/09/2019 13:45

I'm currently working my notice having been subjected to some disgusting workplace bullying and more or less told by managers to suck it up. The union have asked me to write a warts and all email to head of HR when I leave but unfortunately for me said person is married to a colleague and I know for a fact they would get to see it and tell everyone the content. No matter how articulate and reasonable I would be I fear I'd still be perceived as a bitter malcontent so I'm not going to bother.

As the op is finding out, some things are better left unsaid.

BagelandEggs · 21/09/2019 17:21

Unprofessional and badly written!

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 21/09/2019 17:26

Really, 18 pages in and you don't think that might have been mentioned Grin

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 21/09/2019 17:43

Why has @mumsnettowers put a thread this frustrating on the talk roundup email??

Rachelover60 · 21/09/2019 17:50

Horrible, unprofessional message.

FelicisNox · 21/09/2019 17:52

18 pages of WTF... seriously MNHQ?

Sorry you were fired OP. Unfortunately your email is classified as a conduct issue, hence the dismissal.

Learn, find another job and move on.

Oscarsdaddy · 21/09/2019 17:57

It’s impossible to answer your question correctly without knowing if you’ve been a total cockwomble or if they have