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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Must I do personal care for DH?

130 replies

nunnun · 19/09/2019 19:27

About once a month my DH will tell me he's got cracked heels and will I stick a plaster on it for him because it's really sore and he can't walk. He also asks me to cut his toenails. It bugs me having to do this - I can't see why he can't do it himself but he says he can't because he's got a pacemaker and it digs in when he bends over. Well, that's bollocks because he's always asked me to do it even before he had the pacemaker fitted! He gets a bit nasty when I object to doing it. Should do it willingly and with a glad heart or WIBU to tell him to sort his own feet out?

OP posts:
Igetknockeddownbutgetupagain · 19/09/2019 19:29

There are chiropodists for this...find him the numbers. I can’t think of anything worse than someone tetchy making me attend to their toenails Confused

GloGirl · 19/09/2019 19:30

Ask him to get a foot care practitioner in your local area to do home visits. Around £25 where I am to sort out his heels and his nails.

hiphopchick · 19/09/2019 19:31

YANBU. Grim as fuck.

He is treating you like his personal servant, not his wife!

Is this for real??? Confused

If it is, then you need to tell him to QUIT treating you like a doormat/servant/mug!

Gingernaut · 19/09/2019 19:34

Fuck that!

If the pacemaker is causing issues, he needs to talk to the consultant about its placement.

He needs to find a chiropodist.

lifecouldbeadream · 19/09/2019 19:37

Get him some urea cream- it’ll stop the cracking- problem solved!

lifecouldbeadream · 19/09/2019 19:38

Oh, and long handled nail scissors.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 19/09/2019 19:39

Just no, that is grim. The only feet I touch are mine and my DS4.

ShirleyPhallus · 19/09/2019 19:39

Absolutely gross

Also can’t he sit down and lift his knees up to his chest rather than bending over??

Hederex · 19/09/2019 19:39

He's allowed to ask.
You're allowed to say no.

Original poster
nunnun · 19/09/2019 19:40

Yes, hiphopchick unfortunately this is for real!

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/09/2019 19:40

I asked dh to trim my toenails, because I was having difficulty bending over and reaching them. He was clearly not happy doing it (mainly because he was worried about hurting me), so I decided I would go to a salon and get a pedicure every month or six weeks.

I wouldn’t dream of getting stroppy with him for not wanting to do this.

If he asked me to do something similar for him, I would have no problem doing it, but I used to be a nurse, and I know he wouldn’t be nasty if I didn’t want to do it.

Long story short - he is behaving like a knob by being unpleasant to you.

Bessica1970 · 19/09/2019 19:40

Why would you not do this for him? I cut my husbands toenails, because he’s overweight and can’t reach them Grin of course he needs to lose weight, but he’s my husband - why would I want to put him through the humiliation of having a stranger have to do that for him?

Windydaysuponus · 19/09/2019 19:40

Tell him you will struggle to find him attractive if you act like his nurse...

gamerchick · 19/09/2019 19:42

Tell him to bog off and go to a proper person and pay like other people.

PositiveVibez · 19/09/2019 19:43

Eeeeeh what the fuck.

If my husband told me I had to cut his toenails, and got in a mood if I told him to get to fuck, I wouldn't be with him.

Does he think he's the fucking King ffs!! Cheeky wanker. Cut my toenails indeed!!!!

LemonAddict · 19/09/2019 19:45

He gets a bit nasty when I object to doing it

He’s a twat, tell him to sort his own putrid feet out or visit a professional.

Perhaps he just enjoys the power of having you literally kneeling at his feet and that’s why he gets nasty when you say no.

Kyvia · 19/09/2019 19:45

I’m a little on the fence if he is older and less flexible etc.... surely looking after each other is what partners do, as someone just wrote it’s ok for him to ask, it’s ok for you to say no.
Would he do the same for you I think is the crux. When I broke my arm my partner did all sorts of things I wasn’t able to, and he was offering to rather than have me struggle. I’d like to think I’d do the same.... but then feet can be pretty gross....

PuffHuffle5 · 19/09/2019 19:46

Me and DH have a joke saying - ‘I love you from your head to your ankles’ - we keep our feet to ourselves...

MrsBertBibby · 19/09/2019 19:48

Bloody hell, are you people for real?

My son's dad had mobility issues, when we were together I would cut his toe nails, why the fuck wouldn't I? He was my partner. He needed help.

Even now he's my ex, I've occasionally popped a plaster on a blister or similar. He's had a series of surgeries, and there are lines I won't cross, but helping a human being with non intimate care is just what decent people do.

He shouldn't be "nasty" about it, but I am pretty astonished that a partner would consider his requests unreasonable.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 19/09/2019 19:49

Ffs helping each other out is something partners should do.

picklemepopcorn · 19/09/2019 19:50

I always cut DHs nails, and syringed his ears. Then he wouldn't do something for me and I thought, no. No more. I still do his ears because he really can't manage, but his toes he does himself.

MamaGee09 · 19/09/2019 19:50

No you don’t have to do that.

Fuck that, I hate feet!

TrickyD · 19/09/2019 19:51

I have a pacemaker and cut my own toenails. If his is uncomfortable he needs to get it checked.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 19/09/2019 19:53

He can go to a salon which does it all for you!

Schuyler · 19/09/2019 19:53

My husband does various things for me. He showered me and washed my hair the other day because I was too poorly and the nurses (while amazing) just don’t give you a thorough wash in hospital. That said, I always ask nicely and I am kind and appreciative and would do the same for him. I cared for him years ago when he was poorly. It’s what partners do.