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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Must I do personal care for DH?

130 replies

nunnun · 19/09/2019 19:27

About once a month my DH will tell me he's got cracked heels and will I stick a plaster on it for him because it's really sore and he can't walk. He also asks me to cut his toenails. It bugs me having to do this - I can't see why he can't do it himself but he says he can't because he's got a pacemaker and it digs in when he bends over. Well, that's bollocks because he's always asked me to do it even before he had the pacemaker fitted! He gets a bit nasty when I object to doing it. Should do it willingly and with a glad heart or WIBU to tell him to sort his own feet out?

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 19/09/2019 19:55

I am really startled by this,

What about caring for parents? Would people not clean up their elderly parent if they'd messed themselves?

Fizzypoo · 19/09/2019 19:55

I actually like cutting dps nails 🤣

SauvignonBlanche · 19/09/2019 19:57

I’d much rather wipe DH’s arse than touch his feet. The only think I’d do to them is amputate them!

MrsBertBibby · 19/09/2019 19:57

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Original poster
nunnun · 19/09/2019 19:57

MrsBert he used to ask me to cut his toenails when he was 40 and a fit builder, he's just using his pacemaker as an excuse why he needs "help". If he was genuinely incapacitated then I wouldn't mind helping, of course I wouldn't. I do do it for him now but I can't help feeling he's taking the piss and I don't like that.

OP posts:
Drabarni · 19/09/2019 19:57

Jesus Christ has he no respect, and are you his skivvy?
Tell him to make an appointment or do it himself, what a way to turn someone off.

I do know somebody does this job, I'm not demeaning it at all, but who wants to do their partners feet?

LemonAddict · 19/09/2019 19:58

Would people not clean up their elderly parent if they'd messed themselves?

If they were perfectly able to clean themselves up - then probably not, no.

Drabarni · 19/09/2019 19:59

Sorry, that will teach me, I missed the illness bit.
He does need to do what he can though for himself, to keep some independence. In sickness and in health....

pinkyredrose · 19/09/2019 20:00

How does he get nasty?

PositiveVibez · 19/09/2019 20:00

What about caring for parents

I would wipe my mum's arse no problem. But I wouldn't go near her feet. They are so gross.

If my dh was poorly/ill/disabled etc., Of course I would care for him, but I'd get someone else to deal with his feet. Arse -yes. Ball sack - no probs. Toejam and callouses and cracked heels etc., Just no.

Loopytiles · 19/09/2019 20:00

No, you don’t have to and would not be U not to.

He can organise urea cream and regular trip to chiropodist.

Ohbuggerlugs · 19/09/2019 20:01

I wish my DP would
Let me take more care of him. He’s very weird about certain things 😂

Alisonm23 · 19/09/2019 20:02

Ask him to do something equally as bad for you! See how willing he will beGrin

Purpleartichoke · 19/09/2019 20:03

I wouldn’t be thrilled to cut Dh’s toenails, but I handle all sorts of personal care for him, so I suppose that isn’t off limits. Mostly I help him with boils or skin tags (he is prone to both because of a congenital health condition) or cleaning a cut and putting a plaster on it if he doesn’t have a good angle on it. He does the same for me.

Tiredmum100 · 19/09/2019 20:04

I suggest a private podiatrist and flexitol heel balm is brilliant.

EdWinchester · 19/09/2019 20:05

I would have no problem doing this.

AllTheCakes · 19/09/2019 20:08

Agree with PP. Get him to the professionals and a big pot of Flexitol!

timshelthechoice · 19/09/2019 20:11

He's treating you like a skivvy. Nope. He'd have long been doing it himself or seeing someone to do it and pay for it. If he mistreats them they tell him not to come back.

DobbyLovesSocks · 19/09/2019 20:11

My DH regularly looks after my sore cracked heels. I also rub his feet and cut his toenails.
Foot care is not personal care. But if my DH needed personal care, I wouldn't hesitate. And he'd do the same for me

However if you aren't comfortable then he should absolutely not make you feel bad and see a podiatrist

lazylinguist · 19/09/2019 20:11

Wtf? If your partner is genuinely incapacitated, then obviously you do what you need to do to help them. But cutting toenails, applying plasters etc on an able-bodied partner - no thanks!

Piehunter · 19/09/2019 20:17

The nastiness is out of order.... but my dp has really really bad eczema, including on his feet. I rub cream into feet, arms, legs, back, neck. Steroid creams into his head, file his cracked, peeling feet down, smother them in moisturiser - he could do it but it's easier positionally for someone else to do it when it takes 20 odd minutes and he's not too flexible... I hate feet but I know that if I asked he'd do the same for me.... I can't fix his misery from skin issues, I can do my bit to help just like he looks after me when my health conditions flare and I need his help. Cracked heels are REALLY painful.

Rocketmanager · 19/09/2019 20:20

I hate feet, including my own so I pay for a chiropodist to do mine. There’s no way I would do anyone’s feet no matter how much I loved them. So yanbu in the slightest.

thebabessavedme · 19/09/2019 20:21

If one of my elderly parents needed help with toileting then we would have to look at long term health care and all that entails, but yes, in the same way I couldnt leave a child sitting in their own filth in the short term I would help an elderly parent - I have taken care of dh when he injured an eye, pretty horrible but he had my sympathy, I do check his feet for him, he is type 1 diabetic and foot health is very important, so I have helped him treat cracked skin, fungal infections and sore toe nails - it s just being a human being with empathy, if however, I was bullied into doing it I would say they needed to do it themselves

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 19/09/2019 20:23

I'm a nurse, but there is no way on earth I would get anywhere near my dh's feet, I would heave.

I really hate fe t. And I absolutely would never be expect DH to cut my toenails, I'd go to a foot person.

Welltroddenpath · 19/09/2019 20:26

Dh did my nails when I was pg. but I asked nicely and thanked him for it.

Your dh can be nice or sod off and pay a podiatrist