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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

744 replies

Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 09:21

Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Horehound · 19/09/2019 11:30

Surely you're not stupid enough to not understand its the term "down" rather than the quantity?
@nowayhose??

verticality · 19/09/2019 11:30

"Ermmm........ you yourself said that the 3 large glasses were equivalent of a bottle, so yes, it IS the same as downing a bottle ( and over a meal means over quite a small space of time too)"

The issue, as several PPs have posted out, is the judgemental word "downing". Having three classes over a two and a half hour meal (I'm assuming this was a fairly fancy restaurant, of the type where dinner comes in multiple courses and takes quite a while) is definitely not the same as pulling the cork out of the bottle with your teeth in desperation and chugging it outside the off licence in 10 minutes flat.

FWIW, I think the 'matched wine flight' for a tasting menu probably comes to about the same volume in many fancier restaurants.

C8H10N4O2 · 19/09/2019 11:35

Then years later wondered why their liver is packing in

Meanwhile the drahma llamas are all dying of stress as they worry about everyone else's drinking.

The OP said quite clearly it was an anniversary and she had three large pub measures so we know how much she drank then and why.

She also said quite clearly she normally only drinks a couple of glasses Friday and Saturday. Home measures so we don't know what size.

"Downing", "Scoffing", "guzzling" are not neutral terms they are perjorative when someone wants a snark. DH has chosen to give up drinking and like many converts seems unable to resist sniping and someone who hasn't.

lottiegarbanzo · 19/09/2019 11:37

'Well, I've got to take something to protect me from your sanctimony, darling!'

Maybe that's not in the celebratory spirit. But neither is his sanctimony.

hiphopchick · 19/09/2019 11:38

@Musicalstatues

YANBU. He had no right to bitch about and comment on what you drank on a night out! And so WHAT if you have a few glasses in the week? Honestly, some people act like their shit don't stink. So judgy and condescending.

One of my pet peeves is someone commenting on what I'm eating, or what I'm drinking. Hmmm, you can pack it away can't you? THAT'S a big amount for a little woman, ANOTHER helping? Got chips with your meal have ya?

FUCK OFF!

Also, I went to a pub last year (some 15 minutes walk from me,) with my DH. He had a pint of bitter, and because of the amount of liquid, each one last him 45 to 50 minutes.. I had a small glass of wine, and it was gone in 20 minutes (my first glass,) and I got another (small) one. The landlord said 'another one ALREADY?' I said 'umm yeah.. please.'

The I had my third (small) glass of wine, half an hour later, and he said 'good grief woman, you'll have no liver! with a stupid Grin grinning face.

FWIW after 3 glasses, I go onto the diet coke or mineral water because 3 is enough. But I did NOT appreciate comments on what I was drinking. Especially from the fucking landlord of the pub!

Needless to say, that was the first and last time I went to that pub.

I bet he doesn't say anything to the men who knock back 8 to 10 pints of beer every time they go there. Hmm

spanglydangly · 19/09/2019 11:40

I don't drink at all but I'd definitely chose wine over sanctimonious, tutting people. Fuck that.

The best comment on this thread Grin

verticality · 19/09/2019 11:42

"She also said quite clearly she normally only drinks a couple of glasses Friday and Saturday. Home measures so we don't know what size."

Worth adding that even if these are large 250ml glasses (which is unlikely from the context, given that OP has mentioned this as 'less' than she drank yesterday), even the maximum 4 x 250ml glasses of 14% ABV is within the NHS guidance on alcohol of 14 units a week. I rather imagine they are smaller, though, as otherwise OP would be binning a lot of 'spare' wine. Seems more likely she has half a bottle each day.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 19/09/2019 11:42

He’s being a twat. I can’t get worked up about 3 large glasses of wine over the course of a special meal. However what is at play here is the mismatch between what the two of you enjoy- he probably didn’t enjoy you getting more and more tipsy, while he was sober. I’d easily drink like that on an occasion meal out with DH, but we’ll be drinking together and then having a mutual laugh about our headaches in the morning. Good on your DH if he has nipped potentially problematic drinking in the bud, but there is no need to be sanctimonious about it, especially as he has a history of enjoying a drink so should still understand why you do.

When I was pregnant and not drinking DH drank less at meals out, drinking less cane naturally for him then because the “lets’s polish off a bottle and then have some brandies” vibe wasn’t there, it just happened naturally so we stayed in sync.

nobigotsallowed · 19/09/2019 11:42

I haven't read the whole thread, but I don't think either of you are BU. You had a glass of wine more than you'd normally have.....which is fine. Your DP asked if you were ok the next day after drinking a bottle of wine.....which is fine.

No, I don't think what you're drinking is a problem. I probably drink around the same amount, possibly a bit more sometimes in all honesty, but that's my choice, as it is yours. It certainly doesn't sound like you're a problem drinker or in denial.

JorisBonson · 19/09/2019 11:45

3 large glasses is an aperitif mate.

Crack on and enjoy your moderate drinking.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 19/09/2019 11:46

I don’t think he just asked if she was OK though, did he? He basically made a sarcastic comment that she had been binge drinking and was probably in bad shape. Implying that he thought she should have drink more moderately, or not at all, and therefore souring the memory of the nice evening.

Bibidy · 19/09/2019 11:48

I think there's just a massively different perception of drinking from those who don't drink compared to those who do.

I don't consider myself to be a massive drinker at all and don't drink regularly, but to be honest I wouldn't think anything of having three glasses of wine over dinner if I was out for a special evening with OH. In fact, me and my OH would likely have been for a couple of drinks beforehand if we were on a night out for our anniversary!

MarshaBradyo · 19/09/2019 11:48

A bottle does sound more than a glass doesn’t it. 3 glasses no problem. A bottle oth

But yeh it’s a bit pointed as a comment and can see how it irritated

reetgood · 19/09/2019 11:52

I would be pissed after 3 large glasses, whether with food or not. On the rare occasions partner and I go out to dinner, we split a bottle. Your reaction to his wording is a bit over the top. I’d bet he’s needling, but it’s working isn’t it?

I think our culture normalises problematic drinking and even consumption of alcohol that’s over weekly guidelines can be harmful.

SleepyHiraeth · 19/09/2019 11:56

may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night
on Saturdays... I usually have a couple of glasses
maybe another one at home.
...
Perhaps it's just me and my friendship group, but this seems like quite a lot each week

5 large glasses of wine in a while week is not a lot at all.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 19/09/2019 11:56

Is being pissed now and again on a night out with your husband a bad thing now then? Lots of sticks up arses on this thread.

Original poster
Musicalstatues · 19/09/2019 11:57

It’s not even that sleepyhiraeth as probably 7/10 fridays I don’t have any anyway.

OP posts:
verticality · 19/09/2019 11:58

"I think our culture normalises problematic drinking and even consumption of alcohol that’s over weekly guidelines can be harmful."

FFS. This isn't even over the weekly guidelines. Get a grip.

ElizaPancakes · 19/09/2019 12:00

Well, it is a bottle, but it’s obviously more the tone than what he actually said.

Sounds like he was sniping at you, so while true, it’s petty to deliberately continue a fight from the night before.

Goingonagondola · 19/09/2019 12:01

I don't drink and find it irritating when people drink and then don't realise their behaviour is different to normal after they've had a few.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 19/09/2019 12:03

Goingonagondola that’s your call though- if you find them irritating it’s up to you to find other sober people to socialise with, not expect them to change their behaviour.

Seeingadistance · 19/09/2019 12:04

A pp suggests that the OP’s DH is “souring the memory of the nice evening.”

Thing is, when one person is sober and the other has drink a bottle of wine, their memories of the evening will be different, as will their perceptions of how “nice” it was.

When you’re not drinking, for whatever reason, those who are can be really tedious.

RubbingHimSourly · 19/09/2019 12:05

Depends on who's drinking. My sister is tipsy off one large glass, drunk after 2 and absolutely foul if she reaches 3. So her husband (( and everyone else )) quite rightly gets pissed off when she drinks.3. ......everyone is affected differently.

dayslikethese1 · 19/09/2019 12:08

It would have been cheaper to order a bottle (misses point of thread).

Seeingadistance · 19/09/2019 12:09

I like ArgumentativeAardvaark’s idea that the non-drinker should find other sober people to socialise with.

We’re talking about a couple who were out to celebrate their wedding anniversary! Him going out with someone else for that occasion doesn’t really work! Although he might have had a better night.

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