To think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is hardly ‘downing a bottle’

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Dh and I went out for a meal last night for our wedding anniversary. We had a lovely evening. I typically have 2 glasses of wine when we go out but ordered a 3rd last night as it was very nice and I just fancied another one. So 3 glasses over the course of a meal. Yes they were large so about the equivalent of a bottle but AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’? For context we had a stupid mini row at the end of the meal which was a shame but we both overreacted over something fairly minor. He seems to be implying that it was my fault because of how much I drank.

The background is that dh doesn’t really drink, maybe only at the odd special occasion or on holiday. He used to but stopped a few years ago. I would say that I’m a fairly typical drinker, I pretty much never drink sun-thur (last night obviously being a special occasion) I may have a glass or 2 at home on a Friday night but often don’t. We usually go out for a meal on Saturdays and I usually have a couple of glasses then, and maybe another one at home. I am very rarely properly drunk. The last time I had an awful stay in bed hangover was over a year ago. I think my drinking is pretty average? And yet dh feels the need to comment on it all the time and act like I’m some kind of alcoholic just because I enjoy a couple of glasses of wine. I am getting really tired of it to be honest.

So, aibu to think that 3 glasses of wine with a meal is not excessive and hardly the same as ‘downing a bottle?’

3 large glasses of wine in one sitting is a lot!! Women are advised to drink no more than 2-3 units a day. You drank three times that much.

"When you’re not drinking, for whatever reason, those who are can be really tedious"

People who never go out, never drink, and never travel or do anything more adventurous than putting the bins out are also tedious to those of us who do. Different strokes, different folks I guess.

9 units (bottle of wine) in an evening is binge drinking.

A person drinking alcohol or not has nothing to do with how interesting, tedious, adventurous, sociable they are.

Our anniversary we went out for lunch, had a large glass then a medium glass a lot for me. We should have bought a bottle. My problem was after a pasta filled with creamy sauce, then the cheeseboard, combined with the wine I was so poorly digestion wise. I would be a bit stroppy after a bottle if I could manage it to be honest. My DH is po faced if I drink, whereas when he is tipsy that is ok. Double standards much.

My trick is to order a bottle of water for the table so that I drink that as well as my wine, eating food does make me thirsty for some reason.

That is a lot of wine in a short space of time OP - a bottle in 2.5 hours?

I don't take 'downed' as literally as you do (mind you, I never did that as a teen either so maybe that's the reason) so it comes across as you looking to take offence or being defensive - now there may be a backstory as to why you are but I'm going on what you've said here.

Anyone who drank that much wine in a short time would feel the effects. They would also be obvious to someone who wasn't drinking at all!

@dayslikethese1

It would have been cheaper to buy a bottle.

That's what me and my friends/family do when we go out for a meal. Just buy a bottle of wine (each) to keep on the table. (The waiter/waitress brings a bucket of ice or two to keep the wine cold...)

@SherbetSaucer

3 large glasses of wine in one sitting is a lot!! Women are advised to drink no more than 2-3 units a day. You drank three times that much.

You don't get out much do you?

@Seeingadistance

When you’re not drinking, for whatever reason, those who are can be really tedious.

we’re talking here about an evening out as husband and wife, in a couple who love each other and enjoy each other’s company and where presumably the husband’s decision to stop drinking was discussed when he made it, with the understanding that OP would not be stopping drinking as well.

Not when you turn up to a work or wider social event with people you know less well and some people are on a mission when others just want a Diet Coke.
Not even comparable to a domestic situation where one partner habitually drinks too much on a normal day with no prior agreement this was a special occasion where the possibility of drinking was known in advance.

This thread is properly funny. Bravo OP

He doesn't get to police you, his wording and dig were out of line. There's nothing worse than an ex anything. Smoker/drinker or whatever. I'm guessing that he's still annoyed about whatever it was you pulled him up on though and he's deflecting. Might be worth chatting about that with him.

@Loopytiles and @ChicCroissant YOU two don't get out much either by the sound of it.

Some really ridiculous, judgy, laughable, sanctimonious shit on here.

A bottle of wine on a meal out is BINGE DRINKING

You are a little female, so should not consuming more than 3 units a day.. that is ONE GLASS. You are clearly an alcoholic.

Christ on a bike!

5 large glasses of wine in a while week is not a lot at all

But it depends on the size of the glass.

A bottle contains 10 units of alcohol so that is veering onto binge drinking.

The glasses must have been 3.3 units each.

I think the biggest test is the disagreement you had with your dh. Would it have happened if you were sober

One of my pet peeves is someone commenting on what I'm eating, or what I'm drinking. Hmmm, you can pack it away can't you? THAT'S a big amount for a little woman, ANOTHER helping? Got chips with your meal have ya?

Yep, totally rude, ditto the comments about what others drink. It's not concern, it's negging and belittling.

Three glasses of wine with a meal out is fine.

OP YANBU. It is a dig at someone to say they downed wine.
I don’t drink anymore. My DH still does. He can easily have a bottle of red over the course of a meal. I don’t think it’s a lot. He’s not drunk. I also wouldn’t say he downed the wine. He enjoyed it with a meal. Plus it’s usually a sign he’s having a good night and wants to stretch it out a bit longer.

Everyone always says these threads are full of mumsnetters preaching that alcohol is bad, but in reality these threads are always full of defensive people who are trying to justify their drinking by convincing themselves that people who don't drink are sad and boring.

Alcohol is not a substitute for a personality and hobbies.

I'm fine with my life @hiphopchick thanks The joy of the internet is that you get both sides of the debate, agree to disagree you know.

I think the biggest test is the disagreement you had with your dh. Would it have happened if you were sober

She already said it would have happened anyway.

I don’t drink much- but fuck me, this thread makes me want to go out any buy a bottle of wine to drink all by myself this evening.......!

@Teddybear45

Read the op properly

I drank a bottle last night after a shit day at home by myself, tonight I will have a cuppa. I'm a grown woman, wasnt drunk and feel fine today, tell him to grow up.

"AIBU to be a irritated at dh asking me how my head is this morning as I ‘downed a bottle of wine last night’?"

I'd say YABU. I wouldn't be bothered in the slightest if I'd had a bottle of wine last night and DH asked me how my head was because of it.

I think you're getting too hung up on the way he phrased it.

*"I think our culture normalises problematic drinking and even consumption of alcohol that’s over weekly guidelines can be harmful."

FFS. This isn't even over the weekly guidelines. Get a grip.*

@verticality it’s over the guidelines for consumption in one sitting. A bottle of wine will be 9-10 units. But, like I said, our culture normalises alcohol consumption.

Why does pointing out what NHS guidelines are make you cross? I’m not criticising you or the OP. It just is what it is.

I agree, Bertrand. They're out in force today. Apparently, 'we' are also to 'blame' for marketing alcohol to children, too, on another thread. My daughter bought me a M&M PJs on her way back through Amsterdam. I'm going to die from obesity now. No one needs sweeties and choccies, FFS.

I think there's just a discrepancy between you and your husband's understanding of what is a normal level to drink. To a teetotaller, drinking a bottle of wine in a couple of hours does seem a lot.
I've been in your position of being the only person drinking during a meal, and I would probably stick to one or two glasses, or maybe buy one of those half bottles of wine as a treat for myself. If I was with other drinkers, or gone out 'for a drink' then I would probably drink more. I think it's just a matter of being more on the same wavelength with the people you're with, not that either of you are right or wrong.

The NHS told me to do it! Do you let the NHS govern your life or do you use your brain and common sense?